


Break Me (Phan)

by MySecretsX



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Love, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Soulmates, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:28:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 35
Words: 63,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29082390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MySecretsX/pseuds/MySecretsX
Summary: COMPLETE***In this world, you're marked with black. That's if you have a soulmate at least. Everyone is destined to cross paths with the one who is meant for them, at least once in their lives.When you and your soulmate meet, you will touch, if only briefly, and the exact area of skin you touch with the other turns from black to white, with streaks of blue, purple, yellow, all marbled in with each other.Daniel Howell is well-known in town. People cross the street if they're approaching him and newcomers to the neighbourhood are warned about his presence. Exactly like the Lester's were. But Phil Lester has other ideas, he saw the pain within the boy, how bad can he really be?(A story about abuse, self-destruction, but ultimately, love. Please read safely.)
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester





	1. Chapter 1

In this world, you're marked with black. That's if you have a soulmate, at least. Everyone is destined to cross paths with the one who is meant for them, at least once in their lives.  
When you and your soulmate meet, you will touch, if only briefly, and the exact area of skin you touch with the other turns from black to white, with streaks of blue, purple, yellow, all marbled in with each other.

Those who don't have a Marking are pitied. Some people believe they don't have a Marking, only for it to be beneath their hair or another hidden patch. Often babies born with hidden marks have examinations paid for by their parents to try and discover one. Not having one not only means you will die alone, but you will spend every second of your life isolated from the community you live in. Ironically, those who have giant marks across their bodies, or ones in inconvenient places, are also mocked for it. You just can't please everyone.

But, even if you do have one, you have to be wary of the time you meet. Sometimes you will brush only slightly, perhaps you were in commuter's traffic, or you were late for a meeting and didn't care for whom you stepped by. You don't notice your black mark has lit up until the moment has passed. You might be lucky enough to pass them on a regular basis, so you can track down who it could have been and spend the rest of your lives together, however sometimes that was your only chance, and you never cross paths again.

But, one thing is certain, you will always touch skin to skin with your soulmate at one point in your life, whether it happens as a toddler, or on your death bed. Whether you try to avoid it or not.

Your soulmate is your companion through life, the one person who will understand you beyond anyone else's ability. The one who you can't help but feel drunk in the presence of. Some couples are romantic, or sexual, while others are best friends. But it is guaranteed that they will be your dream partner for your personality.

Some people theorise that when the universe began, fragments of the stars, that burst to begin our lives, were left in dust particles millions of times smaller than an atom itself. These left eternal connections between cells, destined to return one day.

Others say it's bullshit and it's more of a curse than a luxury, altering the way we think and twisting our motives for selfish desires.

But a curse, a gift, or a promise, you cannot escape your arrival. Your stars will align one day.

\--

Skip between " **//** " symbols to avoid graphic scenes.

_This story will contain graphic mentions of abuse, sex, suicidal ideation, and other challenging themes. This story will explore the psychological process which comes after experiencing trauma._

_If you have any concerns please message the author._

_Please read safely._

_Disclaimer: The use of "_ _Phan_ _" in this story is not to assume, in any way, about Daniel Howell and Phil Lester's lives, nor does this story correlate with anything from real life. The use of Dan and Phil in this story is for ease of character creation, and to appeal to a pre-existing audience. The author appreciates and enjoys phanfiction, and finds it easier and more enjoyable to write within this fandom. This is being written with the knowledge that Daniel Howell and Phil Lester both support the fanfiction of their subscribers and encourage our disturbing creativity. We hope you understand, and enjoy the story._


	2. I

**_Daniel Howell_ **   
**_Sunday 11th October_ **

My left hand hastily jerked against my dick as my right held my weight against a nearby wall. I groaned, digging my fingertips between the gaps in the brick wall as pulses shot through my body, "Fuck." I groaned, wiping the end of my cock off with my hoodie's sleeve and stuffing it back into my boxers. I wretched my throat and spat into the bush where I came, doing my jeans' zip up and continuing down the street to the building I lived in.

It was a well-lit night, between the almost full-moon and the streetlights which loomed over my slouched body, glowing a cheap orange above me. It was early October and I should have been wearing more than a worn-down denim jacket over a frayed t-shirt, but I wasn't. Instead, I was roaming the early-morning streets as I scuffed my trainer's toes along the broken path with a bruised eye and a bloody jaw.

The headlights of a car glared over me for a passing moment, my mind feeling at home in the stranger's spotlight before they were gone again. I sighed, booting open the iron gate and taking a seat on the frosted stone steps that led up to my house. I checked behind me: no lights seemed to be on. Not many of the bulbs worked anymore, whether it was because they were smashed against the peeling plaster of a wall, or they'd not been replaced for God-knows-how-many years. I groaned, digging my forehead into my knees as my fingertips fumbled with my decaying shoelaces.

I squinted off into the distance, seeing the beams of the car that passed not too long ago had come to a halt up the road. I rested my head on its side to gaze at the mischiefs of the lone vehicle.

I was an outcast in a well-off neighbourhood. My neighbours to the left were retired doctors and off to the right was a lawyer married to a professor. Me? I was an eighteen-year-old in clothes too short, stuck at home with his bullshit-excuse-of-a-father because no storefront would employ me and the money my dad had in his bank was funding his alcoholism rather than my education. At least this time last year I had a school to release me from whatever wanker I was at home with.

I sucked my teeth in and spat against the withered grass along the patio, lifting my body up to the front door. I took another glance at the car up ahead, watching its lights blink off as a tall, slender man stepped out from the backseat with a suitcase. Another businessman, I presumed. I gripped my palm against the chipped doorknob and returned from one cold to another.

I coughed on entry, my lungs being scratched at by the stench of fags and wine. I kicked a loose bottle away from my foot as I dragged myself to the staircase. I pulled my phone out from my pocket, tossing it in my palm as I weighed out the risks of turning the torch on and waking my father up, or stumbling my way over shattered glass to my bedroom. I bit my lips, tapping the screen as a small beam projected outwards.

I heard the floorboards beneath the torn carpet creak under my steps, my hand cautiously sliding up the bannister to guide me. I turned to the left, taking the second door and closing the wooden trap behind me. I took a deep breath in, grateful for the air in my bedroom remaining undisturbed. I flicked the switch beside me on, squinting my eyes as my surroundings flooded with colour rather than mere outlines. I gasped, letting my body collide against the door and peel its way down to the floor.

I possessed no more than a mattress, with broken springs, splayed out halfway across the room, a chest of drawers propped up against the corner to my left, and a broken mirror, missing a chunk of glass out from the middle of it, against the window. I let my eyes fall shut, the sound of ringing and my breathing stealing my silence. I crawled over to my bed, throwing my shoulder against it as I kicked my shoes off.

My eyes wandered off into the mirror, staring at the scattered bruising across my frail frame and my face that was too thin and hollowed-out for a boy my age. I tore my t-shirt off over my shoulders and collapsed against the murderous springs once again. My eyes hovered over my torso, the way the black smudge ran from just below my right shoulder all the way down to my jeans' waistline where it begins to fade. I've been led to believe the Marking can seep under one layer of clothing between two people's touch, but begins to dissipate at two, creating no more than what could be regarded as a shadow by the third piece of material. A small bit of Marking runs across my jawline and alone my forearms. It's disgusting. Out of everyone throughout my life, why did I have to be left with the largest Marking of them all? Wasn't everything God damn hard enough since Mum left?

Her and my father weren't soulmates. I remember them always struggling with this fact, even when I was only aged six. They were both in their thirties and my father doesn't possess a mark, and Mum had never found her other half. That was until the Christmas holidays. She rushed in one day, packing her bags and smiling more than I'd ever caused her to. She'd found her soulmate and I was never to see her again.

My eyes reverted back to my Marking that I thought resembled an oil spill across my front. Ugly and life-destroying. I was always mocked for it. I'd spent countless nights questioning how it would come to be that I find my partner. For the Marking on my arms to match the one across my chest, I'd have to be holding my arms in front of me. It looks as though it's in defence, so over the years, I concluded that I must fall into or on top of someone, or them onto me. I chuckled to myself. I didn't even know why I thought about it so much when I'd already acknowledged I didn't want a soulmate. I didn't want a partner to share my life with because it isn't worth the pain. All I truly wanted was security, a safe place to stay, and I'd need money for that to begin with, but to get that I'd need a job which I'd need money to get one out of town.

If only I could look back onto when I was eleven and started disrespecting everything. That way I could tell myself that no matter how much I was being used and taken advantage of, I was not to take that out on the streets because it would fuck up any chance of escape I could have in the future.

There was one time I caused guilt to strike through my core: I had a thought that I could go to the police and report my father. Sure, I had a chance of being presented financial stability this way, but then I was to fuck up my dad's life indefinitely. It wasn't his fault my mother was a whore for love.

It was times like this I'd curse on my mind for having thoughts of its own because I ultimately knew I was never going to get out of this situation. It was mine or my dad's life, and I was created out of selfishness between two false lovers, not a bond of soulmates, therefore I strongly believed that I was the one out of place. My dad told me that. Therefore, I knew my only freedom was death.

My only chance to be happy was to get killed or kill myself.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	3. II

**_Philip Lester_ **   
**_Sunday 11th October_ **

"Mm Baby, can't you see I'm calling? A guy like you should wear a warning-" my brother, Martyn, and I were screaming Britney Spears at the top of our lungs in the back of our parents' car as the vehicle trod along the town roads.

"Boys!" Mum grabbed our attention, "Shush! We're almost there, keep an eye out for road names." she informed us, her eyes remaining focused on the road ahead.

I stared out of my window, squinting through the darkness, "Mum, we can't see anything it's almost pitch-black out."

"Well, just try!" she enforced, turning a corner.

"This is it!" Martyn called out excitedly.

"Number eighty-two." Dad spoke, searching the house numbers.

"Look! There's someone walking down the road. It's surprisingly late for _that_ in a small town." Martyn judged.

"It's none of our business, they could have a very good reason." I threw back to my brother. He huffed at the same moment our car pulled up the curb.

"Both take your suitcases and find a room." Dad smiled, gathering his items from the long car journey.

"I still don't see why I have to help with all of this. I don't even live with you guys anymore!" Martyn complained.

"Well, would you like a place to return to at the end of this year, after you finish Uni?" Mum sighed.

"Well, yeah..."

"Then, there you go. Now, take your suitcases." she commanded.

I let myself out from the car door, collecting my suitcase from the car boot and dragging it up the stairs towards the house. I couldn't gather much of the appearance of the outside house in the darkness, however once I flicked the light switch on in the main hallway, I could see every corner of the interior. I hummed to myself, appreciating the 1960s build. The wallpaper was definitely not original; it had wood chip beneath it, which was common in the 90s, and it had been painted over a good few times by the look of the small cracks. However, it did have the original skirting boards, chair rail and cornice still intact around the edges, though chipped through various households' damage. Eh, who am I picking out all these details, it looks cosy, the floorboards seem safe and _I need to get the biggest room_.

I shot through the house and ran up the stairs, holding my suitcase lob-sidedly against my body. I barged the doors open one by one, assessing the three rooms: the first room was closest to the bathroom, which was at the top of the staircase, but that also meant it would be the first room for an attacker to axe me to death; the second room was bigger by about a meter in length, but it meant that I'd be in the middle of the two rooms and although the walls were rather thick, I didn't like the idea of being in a sex sandwich; the last room was the same size, but had a fireplace and an axe murderer could climb down that, or I would somehow burn myself on it even if it hasn't been lit for decades. I sighed, taking the room right by the bathroom. I dumped my suitcase on the floor by the entrance, peering around my new space. The light was a ceiling fan, which I'm certain I'd enjoy on any hot summer days. The walls were  
a very light blue, apart from the first wall which was a feature wall of some dark-blue, circular leaf design-thingy. The carpet was cream. I hummed, content with the appearance of the space. I by far wasn't the most artistic person in the world, even when coming to interior design, but I liked to appreciate what I'd be living in for the foreseeable future.

I patted my back pocket, sliding my phone out from my jeans and flashing the screen on to check the time: 1:00 AM. Just at that moment, Dad came in with a blow-up mattress and an overly exaggerated smile on his face. I lifted my eyebrows, placing my phone back in my trousers and taking the inflatable from him.

He sighed, "I know it's not ideal, but it's only for one night. The moving van will be here tomorrow afternoon." he patted my back, "But the blowing up part is on you. Good luck." he chuckled. I groaned, throwing the lump of mass on the floor and unfolding it to find the nozzle.

Twenty minutes later, my temporary bed was set out for me to sleep on. I unzipped my suitcase and rummaged for my wash bag. The sound of a zip always made me grin as it took me back to the camping holidays I'd go on with my family when we were younger. The early morning breeze that brushed along my hair as I closed the tent up after a long night's rest. I'm not an outdoorsy person, but I'd take an offer up on a camping trip any day.

I dragged my legs through to the bathroom, taking in the new setting as I brushed my teeth. It had a nice sized bath and everything looked clean, although Mum probably took the sponge to the sides already. I spat out my toothpaste, went to the toilet and then scuttled back into my bedroom. I groaned, flopping against the blow-up and pulling the blanket over my toes. After the long drive, I didn't even bother changing out of my clothes. I packed a couple more sets, I can put on a clean outfit tomorrow.

***  
 _ **Monday 12th October**_

"Phil?!" I heard a muffled shout of my name. I groaned, rolling over and furrowing my eyebrows as my elbow hit a hard surface, "Phil?!" I heard again. I squeezed my eyes open, inspecting the hard floor that my elbow had slammed against, "Phillip?!" Mum kept calling out. I sat up, realising my entire bed had sunk at some point in the night. By this point, there was a series of loud knocks against the door.

I chuckled, "I'm up now! I'm up-" the door burst open with my mum standing somewhat annoyed. She took one glance of my deflated bed and my body wrapped up in my clothes from the night before, and she laughed.

"If I knew any better, I'd think you were hungover with your dirty clothing and poor excuse of a bed." she giggled, walking towards me, "Need any help?" she offered, watching my long limbs flail through the fabric I'd been resting against. I pouted, taking her hand as she pulled me upright, my feet emerging from beneath the bed. She sighed, "You even slept through the sun coming into your room."

"What time is it?" I grumbled, rubbing my eyes with my fingertips.

"It's two in the afternoon. Don't you think I'll let you sleep-in like that again anytime soon." she chuckled, raising her hand to waggle my hair. She took a breath in, "We're going over to our neighbour's house in an hour, so get changed and washed. They saw us unloading the moving van."

"Moving van?" Mum was running way too quickly for my brain still stuck in sleep mode.

"Oh, yes! It came earlier than expected. Your stuff is in the hall when you're ready."

I groaned, "Okay..."

"Right, I'll leave you to it." and with that, she left my room.

Just before three o'clock, we made our way round to the neighbours'. I took the opportunity to analyse my new home's exterior: a bit overgrown, but it looked pretty filled with wild greenery. The house was built of red brick until halfway, where the upper floor was either made out of, or decorated with small stones. We had to follow the path down out of our front garden to leave the gate before making our way up to the identical, attached house. Practically speaking, we could have just walked straight through as there wasn't an iron gate separating any of the land on our stretch of road, however we'd had to have trampled on an excessive number of plants, so it wasn't worth it.

Our neighbour's garden was pretty much identical to ours, despite the build we now lived in being abandoned for almost five months. I got the general impression the upkeep of gardens wasn't a priority. There did seem to be the occasional house I could see from our steps that stood out as well-kept. I'd imagine the inhabitants were retired in order to put the time in for that.

Mum rang the doorbell and we were greeted with two friendly faces of a fifty-year-old couple and their Saluki dog. I gasped, cooing at the pup. The lady spoke to us, inviting us into the house, "Oh! Welcome, welcome, do come in." I took a second to realise this might be an opportunity for my parents to make some new friends in this area, but then I diverted my attention back to the excitable dog.

"We have to apologise, we haven't brought anything with us. I'd normally cook some sweet treat or bring flowers at the least!" Mum sighed.

"Oh, nonsense," the man spoke, "You're our guests and you've just moved in!"

"We've got some snacks on the table if any of you four fancy a treat." the lady was directing the last comment to Martyn and me, so we both briefly smiled upwards before pacing to the Saluki.

We were led through a corridor that looked identical to ours, asides from the colours of the walls. Apart from the decoration, the layout of our homes seemed to be identical. We all sat around in the living room: my parents on one sofa, the neighbours on another, and my brother and I on the floor as the dog panted over us. The lady chuckled, "Are you sure you don't want chairs?"

"We're good!" Martyn and I grinned in unison.

"Well, her name is Pie," the lady spoke, "We're Alison and Mark Cooks."

"Lovely to meet you," my dad spoke, "We're Kath and John Lester. These are Martyn...and Phil." we gave small waves at the mention of our names. Pie was sitting across mine and Martyn's lap. I looked at the couple, noticing the two shiny Markings against their palms.

 _"They must have shaken hands, like my parents."_ I thought to myself.

"What's the story behind the name Pie?" my brother asked.

"Funny you ask that, actually, as we found her as a stray, so we took her in expecting her owners to come round, but nobody ever did. The first night we had her I'd made a few pies for a bake sale for my niece's school, but let's say only two could be sold! We nicknamed her that, and after caring for her for a couple of months and nobody appearing at the vets for her, we couldn't pass her onto anyone else." Alison spoke. I grinned, Pie licking my nose as I did so.

Our families spoke about an hour altogether. Well, it was mostly an exchange between _the adults_ , but I was listening in between playing with Pie and eating snacks. The conversation consisted mostly of life stories and my parents asking about this small area of town. It sounded as though we lived in a pretty simple area, not too far off a village atmosphere if it wasn't for the builds in the 1960s, not the 1860s, and the fact that if we followed the main road down we'd begin to pass into the larger area. Nobody mentioned it, but we lived in the high-end. You could tell from the atmosphere, the inhabitants' looks, the larger builds compared to the central town...it wasn't fancy, but it wasn't working class. It was all beginning to sound a bit nonchalant, which is why my ears perked up at the conversation my parents engaged with.

"I do warn you, there is a teenager who lives down the road who's less than pleasant. He had a rocky home-life for a while, but that doesn't excuse some of his God awful behaviours. As long as you keep your distance, you should be alright. We've never had any trouble apart from the one time he urinated on our fence."

"Could he have been the boy we saw walking down the road last night?" I asked, knowing there was a backstory to the midnight wanderer.

"More than likely, nobody else stays up past dark in this area unless there's a party going on." Alison agreed.

I felt a grin creep onto my face. I'd prove it to Martyn that not everyone who walks the streets at dark is up to trouble. Although I'm not sure why I was so determined, maybe I was simply looking for normality in the move, and I'd certainly find that bickering with my brother.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	4. III

**_Daniel Howell_ **   
_**Saturday** _ _**17th** _ _**October** _

I grumbled to myself, the wind licking at my face as I approached yet another building with my hand-written CVs. The papers were crinkled from where my father had left bottles on top of them, with liquid residues along their rims, and the ink ran smudged across their pages. My clothes were slightly torn in places, and by far too small for me because despite my father having money in his bank, he was persistent I had to pay for my own clothing from the age of thirteen. I'd taken to stealing cash out of his wallet and scavaging local charity shops for something half-decent to wear throughout the past five years. He doesn't understand that I can't get a job if I look homeless, therefore I can't earn the money to buy clothes. Although, I think if he was going to comprehend a concept it would be that his son needs food to survive.

I felt my nerves send small pricks along the surface of my skin as my blood ran hot throughout my arms and chest. I stopped walking, my limbs feeling too heavy to drag along as my brain pounded memories into my conscience of the last time I tried asking my father for anything. I ran my fist up to my skull, straining the strands of hair away from my scalp before violently slamming my foot into a storefront wall.

I sighed, entering another shop door and asking for my CV to "be passed to the manager for the consideration of giving me a career". I didn't even care if they hired me out of charity by this point. I promise, a few months of pay and I'll be out renting a room away from this town. So fucking far away my father will never touch me again.

I dug my chipped nails into the back of my neck as I approached the doorstep of a bookstore. I looked at the entrance, checking the time on my phone as I confirmed to myself this was the correct time for the interview. That was another kick in the teeth: living in the remote end of town leaves fewer stores to offer jobs. Even so, most of the stores along the main road are family businesses or specialist, luxury-skills shops such as florists or bakers. That left me with two bookstores, five clothes stores, a library assistant, or working with the creepy guy who sells garden gnomes who I know for a _fact_ has been looking to hire someone for months but blatantly rejects me on his doorstep.

I let a breath out, opening the door to the shop and walking around the back where I was asked to go for my interview. I sighed, my nails slicing off the tags of skin from around my nails as I provided myself with a seat. The walls were clinically white as I peered around me for something to distract myself with.

A while later a man wearing a blue collared shirt peered around a previously shut door, "Daniel Howell?" he asked. I nodded, standing up and offering my hand out to him. He shook it, eyeing me up and down, and it was this moment I realised I wasn't getting the job. He smiled anyway, "Come on through."

The interview passed smoothly. What could a bookshop want for experience exactly? It was near the bottom of the food chain of jobs, before literal fast food which didn't exist in this up-tight neighbourhood. So, this is what I had to start with, therefore I had to make it work. I flashed a fake grin at the end, shaking the manager's hand before letting myself out. I turned around once more, nodding a goodbye, thinking to myself, _"Please let me have this..."_

I slid around the door, adding to the many chips of paintwork along the frame as it shut behind me. I glanced up, my chest dropping as my eyes caught sight of another young man sitting in the chair where I was only ten minutes ago. He grinned, but I only sighed as a weight pulled me out of the building, _"Selfish git."_ I thought about the man as I scuffed the tips of my shoes along the pavement, _"He could get any job, especially with his dark hair and people-person aura."_ I held my chest slouched against my back, jogging up the stairs to my house. I stopped before opening the unlocked door, peering down the path to the park at the end of the road, deciding which route I should take. I groaned, heaving the door open as I decided I didn't want to deal with any judgemental stares.

My father groaned from beneath me. I stood still in my tracks, glaring behind the unusually heavy door as I found him lodged in front of the entrance. I sunk my top teeth into my bottom lip, scowling at the hands that had been over me, which were now grasping onto a bottle that had emptied over the floor.

He turned onto his back, enabling the door to widen enough for a teenager of my size to squeeze through. I did so, pressing my back into the wall as I cautiously watched his eyes hang over me. His lip upturned, showing his top teeth as his eyes sloppily pinched together, "Danny!" he laughed, his arms clawing up the wall and the bricks creaking under his weight. I wanted the stones to swallow me into the other room. He balanced himself on two feet, his lip pouting forwards, "Mmm. Do me a favour will you, boy?" he slurred, tipping the empty bottle upwards to catch the last drips of wine against his tongue. My knees were buckling beneath me, but my head nodded. He cackled, "You're a good boy. Now...tell, me..." his eyes were drooping again and I felt a sigh of relief quietly disperse out of my lungs.

 _"Please...please just oh God fall back to sleep."_ I pleaded into the emptiness.

"Good, boy...you are...get me some toast..." his weight was heaving himself back against the floor.

"Okay, Steven." I agreed, passing by him as I kicked a smashed bottle out of my way on my route up the stairs. The fucker can get his own toast, if he wakes up before it grows mould. I hoped he wouldn't. Honestly, I hoped he wouldn't get up ever again, but he always did as he tore me down day by day.

I kicked my shoes off by the end of my bed and lowered myself to the floor, peeling off my tattered, nicest shirt and discarding it to the floor beside me. I groaned, holding my pillow to my chest to cover my Marking from my reflection. I decided to lie down on my side like this, burrowing my nose into the corner of the stuffed lump.

I knew I'd stay like this for an hour or so, then get bored and wander the streets causing disturbance to the neighbours. Their lives almost weigh equally to cats': they lounge around all day and can do whatever they like without being scrutinized for it or putting much effort in at all. They don't care because they don't need to, and that's how they live their lives from birth.

I groaned, sitting upright as I slipped a loose tee on. If I wore my chest bare, I'd learnt I could provoke my dad into anger or arousal, so it was best to cover up. I was making my way outside when I heard a bird's cooing from the ceiling. I furrowed my eyebrows, looking upwards as I noticed a door above me, presuming it led to an attic. I was surprised I'd never realised it was there before now, but then again I didn't have much reason to. I wonder if my dad knew it existed, or at the very least have memory of it. I wouldn't be the one to remind him we have one if he's forgotten about its existence, as he'd find some repulsive use for it, whether it be a room to lock me in when he panics I'm making plans to move out, or he invents some sort of sexual den to tie me up in. At least, those were only things my imagination could go as far as stirring up, fuck knows what he would envision its use as.

I stood on my tiptoes and pulled the wedge down, opening up a ladder of questionable safety. I coughed as the dirt spread across my lungs, slowly stepping up the wooden piece anyway.

I peered around the small space, noticing a few cardboard boxes, which looked as though they'd been sodden through by water damage, as well as something like a flat box under a sheet. I pressed my facial features together, vibrating my lips with a short hum before bringing it down the step ladder with me. I placed it carefully on the floor as I closed the latch back up, making note I didn't find the origin of the pigeon coo.

I moved the item to my bedroom, uncovering the dusty sheet to find a rather fine-looking keyboard. I unravelled the electric cord from around itself and plugged it into my wall's socket. I released a blow of air over the instrument, picking it up to inspect the base. I chuckled, noticing a large folder beneath it, so I slid it out and read the name written on it, 'Nancy'. I sucked my cheeks in through my teeth as my hands burnt with anger, but I sighed, letting it blow past me as my mother's mistake was history.

I opened the plastic file, inspecting sheets of paper and a few books held within itself. I propped them beside me, turning on the piano as I warily plonked my finger against a white key, hearing a satisfying 'ping'. I chuckled, running my fingers over a few more until I decided to encrypt the books.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	5. IV

_**Philip Lester**_  
 ** _Saturday_** _**17th October**_

I'd been living in the new town for almost a week, by which point I'd been scouring for jobs not only to get some money into my bank, but because if Mum wanted me to watch one more episode of daytime cooking TV, I would tear my own eyes out and boil them for supper. Okay, I'm being dramatic, but I really needed to get some work.

I used my phone to call up a few of the local stores, hearing them either apologise for not having any job openings at the moment, or saying I can come in for an interview. I sighed as I made it through my list, putting the pen down after I ticked the final one-off. I'd managed to make four interviews, and the first one was this afternoon.

I decided to lie back for a while, resting my head on the pillow as I put my headphones over my ears and absorbed myself in my music library. For the next hour, the sun slowly crept through my window, making a bright appearance when I finally had to leave.

I groaned, sitting upright and brushing my clothes off to check that they weren't crinkled. They seemed fine, I wasn't going to go down to the bookshop in a suit and tie, so I decided smart casual would do.

I jogged down the stairs, running my hand down the polished bannister and I popped my head into the lounge, "Going for a job interview and a bookshop!" I threw in.

"Interview?" Mum gasped, "Oh! Well good luck, honey!" she turned around from the television and gave me a wide grin. I nodded, returning the joy as I made myself out into the street. I turned right first, heading up my own road, taking the time to admire the houses identical to my own. I'd been out a few times to the park, but that was in the opposite direction, so it felt unusual wandering the other way. I furrowed my eyebrows when I saw one house in particularly bad condition: the drains were becoming unhinged, the windows were cracked and the borders around them were heavily damaged. The door seemed to be swinging from one hinge and the woodwork was damaged enough for the owner to need an entirely new front door. The steps up to the front were broken and loose, from the look of them, and the grass out front couldn't have been trimmed for _years_. I sighed, feeling guilty that I was too fearful to help. I'd keep my eye open to see who lives here, maybe it's an elderly person who isn't mobile enough to sort these problems out for themself. By the looks of the building's condition, I was surprised the council hadn't got involved.

I'd walked past it by this point, taking a left turn over the road as I made my way up another stretch of houses. These ones had much more variation per building, but they also looked as though they were built during different decades. Some were attached, most weren't. I made it to the end of the street to the main road with the shops down it, finding the bookstore to be not too far alone. I stepped in, heading to the back like I was instructed to on the phone.

Nobody was in the room, so I took a seat by the door and waited patiently, assuming there was either another interview, or the person inside was busy. A few minutes later the door was yanked open and another tall person stood in the doorway, looking back into the room and saying goodbye. He turned to me, the smile on his face drooping as he let out a deflated sigh.

God, he was attractive. His hair was cut in a similar style to mine, but it was dark brown and he had perfectly matched eyes to accompany it. The smile he wore on his face a few seconds ago lightened up his entire appearance, only to be stolen away when he caught me in his eye. His clothes looked well-worn and his jeans looked unintentionally ripped, but that didn't take anything away from how flawless his features were.

I flashed him a nervous smile, realising it wasn't for the interview but for being in his presence, but he kept his head down and hurried away, causing my chest to swell up. He gave me the impression he'd been to one too many interviews in his short life.

"Philip Lester?" the manager asked. I smiled genuinely, nodding as I stood up to take his outstretched hand.

"Please, call me Phil." I offered as I stepped inside to the office.

"Lovely to meet you, I'm David! You've already got experience working in a bookstore, am I right?" David asked. I nodded in reply, wishing for him to continue, "Perfect. How come you left?"

"I moved house with my family. Most people my age are off at university, but I haven't been sure what path to go down and I don't want to spend tens of thousands of pounds on something I'm not sure on."

"That's fair enough." David agreed, "Look, I'm sure you just saw the other guy walk out, right?"

"Yeah, I did-" I responded.

"Well, between you and me, he's not getting this job. I've had his CV through a few times, so offered him this interview out of courtesy. But, this is really unprofessional however it's nothing anyone else doesn't know, he's a nuisance and has caused more disruption in this end of town than we're comfortable with. Anyone hiring him would lose their reputation and profit in an instant second." he sighed.

"Oh." now I understand why he was so disheartened to see another person being interviewed. He knew he didn't stand a chance.

"On that note, we really do need to hire people, but the area being as small as it is, we don't get many offers. If you hadn't come along we'd have been forced to bring him in."

The interview ended not long after. I was deemed a perfect match for the job because it wasn't a very laborious task, after all. I smiled, thanking David and leaving the shop. He said he'd give me a call.

I made my way back home, my chin to my chest and my hands in my front pockets. I sighed, my conscience battling with me. I had a handful of other interviews to attend, one of which I knew was actively looking for a new worker. David seemed like a really lovely person, but I couldn't take this other lad's only opportunity away. I sighed, opening the door.

"Back already?" Mum called out. I pottered into the living room, taking a seat beside her and nodding.

"Yeah." I responded deflated.

"Oh," she furrowed her brows, "Didn't it go well?"

"It went well, David, the manager, seemed like a very friendly man, but I was told something that's making me reconsider...I was offered the job." I shrugged, pulling my knees to my chest to rest my elbows on them, "There's a boy around town, late teens by the look of him, who's apparently a real problem-"

"Daniel Howell? Remember Alison was talking to us about him." Mum nodded. She placed a hand on my knee and looked at me with deep concern, "Did he cause you trouble?"

"Oh, oh, not at all..." the only trouble he could have caused was from how good-looking he was. I felt my face burn up slightly.

"Phil, don't lie to me, I can see you going red!" she whined, flicking my knee cap.

"Oh, God, no, Mum...it's not like that...just..."

"Hm?" she questioned. I despised how easily she could read me. She let out a noise of realisation, "Phil...is he handsome?"

"Mum. Off-track. Let me explain to you my problem. So, uh...Daniel was also there for an interview but apparently wasn't going to get the job because of his reputation and the effect on the shop. But, they're desperate to hire and would've taken him if it wasn't for me-" I was cut off by my phone letting out a ring. I sighed, knowing it must have been David.

Mum gave me a meek smile, "Phil, by the way, you're coming to me like this, I think you've already got your answer."

I nodded, picking up my device and answering the call, "Hey David." I answered. He greeted me, then confirmed I had the job. I gulped, my toes digging into the fabric of the sofa, "Look...David...I'm sorry to be _that guy_ who comes into an interview and rejects the job, but...give the other guy a chance."

"What do you mean?" he questioned, "You want Howell to have it?"

"Yeah." I confirmed.

He sighed and I could imagine his hand running through his hair, "Alright. You know, the job's open if you want it."

"Thank you." I bid him farewell and hung up the line. Mum pinched my cheek, my face pulling away from her grasp.

She smiled, "You're an amazing person. You deserve the stars."  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	6. V

_**Daniel Howell**_  
 _ **Monday**_ _**19th October**_

I peered my head around the back door of the shop, knocking on the firewood as I did so, "David?" I called out.

"Daniel." he sighed, "Your uniform shirt is on my desk. If you shut the door you can quickly slip it on in there and leave your t-shirt on the side." I nodded, wearing a genuine smile on my face. I have no clue what in the world could have forced him to choose me over the other guy he interviewed, but he did, and I was here. I was away from the streets, from my home, from my father...

God, it was nice to be able to change without Steven wanting to look me over. I actually had guaranteed privacy in this office, even if for a short moment. I had a _clean_ shirt that wasn't second-hand, nor was it damaged. I held my nose against the fabric, breathing in the plastic, factory smell and I loved it.

I hung my t-shirt over the back of a chair that was pushed against the wall. I left the office, standing before David again. He gave me a slight smile, which was a muscle more than I expected to receive.

The mid-thirties man patted me on the shoulder, pulling me to sit down on the chairs I'd previously waited for my interview on, "You look great." he reassured, "Now, the store opens in thirty minutes. I'll give you a run-through of how the till works and where all the books are, then for the rest of the day I'll be shifting around the store: I'll either be sorting out stock, in my office, or on the other till. It's just you and me today, I thought it would be best for your first day." he stood up, leading me into the main store as he guided me around the way things worked. He sighed contently, "Got it?"

I nodded, "Thank you-" I began, seeing if he'd cut me off, "Thanks for this. I know you don't want me here, but thank you." my words caused a look of pity to spread across his face.

He nodded respectfully, "Be a good worker and don't prove this to be a mistake."

***  
 ** _Wednesday_** ** _21st October_**

I'd been working the job for three days. David had me in Saturday until Thursday, with another worker named Chris in from Monday through to Friday. The boss himself was in on a Sunday to Friday basis, but apparently that was interchangeable. I met Chris yesterday, his introduction was snapping me a glare then not sharing another word to me before the afternoon, where he asked me to take the till while he went to piss. I'm sure he'd be friendly to anyone who wasn't me.

Today was Wednesday, so I was working a shift from eleven until eight with Chris there the entire time, although he was dealing with stock in the back so I'd be alone for the majority of it, apart from any customers. There'd been a dead period for about an hour or so, therefore I'd already had time to wipe down the sides and freshen the place up a bit, so I took to sitting on a stall behind the counter and reading a few of the "damaged" books. It was a box full of unsellable items, whether they'd been damaged during delivery or by a browser.

"David?" I'd asked the day before.

"Yeah?" he responded, packing his bag full of pieces of paper.

"The 'damaged' book pile, what happens to them?"

"I normally charity shop them, or give them to fates for prizes or whatnot. Whatever I can do to get rid of them, really. Why?"

"You don't think...I could have a few, do you?" I warily requested, feeling shrunken in comparison to my boss.

He chuckled, giving an empathetic smile, "Help yourself, Howell. Just don't go damaging books to take them. In fact, you can take three a week, any more than that you can borrow, but just return to the pile. Got me?" I nodded, the smile spreading to my cheeks again.

So, here I was sitting on the stool reading through my fifth book of my working week. I decided I was going to use my three-book allowance over the weekend. I'd already grown fond of the place. It was a modern bookshop, but the dark-wooden shelves and countertop gave it a rustic appeal. The floorboards were a much lighter shade of wood, almost matching what made the doors. Apart from the glass door to the entrance, that was.

The moment I thought that, my attention was drawn to my right as a customer entered the shop. I settled the book down on the stall beneath me as I stood up. He looked at me and smiled, my face returning a wonky version of his grin as my insecurity showed through. I still didn't feel familiar dealing with people in a polite manner.

I furrowed my brows at him, recognising his face from the interview, wondering if he had anything to do with my new job. I swallowed my spit into my throat, "What are you doing here?" I interrogated, the tone slightly more stern than I meant it to.

He scoffed, "Buying a book, what do you think I'm doing?" he rested his elbows on the counter as I approached him. I was taken aback by his confidence, as that certainly wasn't something I'd expect from a guy in a Crash Bandicoot tee.

"Sorry." I sulked, "That's...I didn't..."

He chuckled, "It's alright."

"W-what book are you looking for, or are you here to browse?" I politely questioned.

He hummed, seeming to be making the decision on the spot, "Right." he remembered, "Do you have _Catching Fire_ and _The Maze Runner_?" I felt disappointed he actually had books in mind he wanted to request, thinking there could have been a chance he was there for me.

"Right. Yes, we do. Do you want me to get them off the shelves for you?" I offered.

"That would be perfect, thanks." he smiled.

I gulped, trying to offer small talk, "Are...are you a big reader?"

"I pick up a few every now and again. What about you?"

"Not really," I sniggered, "Ironic since I'm working in a bookstore. I say that, as well, but now that I've got the chance to read I've flown through five books in the last four days." I cocked my head, showing off slightly. God, I need to stop being such an arrogant bastard.

"Oh, is that right?" he hummed, watching me select the books he asked for off of the shelves.

I tightened my face, eyeing him down, "Is that a challenge?" before scanning the books through the register. I twitched my nose, building up the confidence to seek the answer for a question which had been buzzing through my mind, "Did you...I'm sorry this is not the place or time to ask this...but, did you...have anything to do with my job?" my fingers grazed over the short hairs on the back of my head.

He groaned, looking straight at me, "Would it make me seem like a dick if I was honest?"

"No," I snickered, "It would make you hot for the fact you'd go out your way for me like that."

"Are you flirting with me?" he looked down, tapping his fingers on the countertop.

I gulped, fearing I'd crossed a line, "Not at all." I sternly spoke, "You're a customer."

"So if I weren't a customer...?"

"Are you flirting with me?" I raised my eyes, passing the books to him in a bag, "Fifteen pounds and ninety-eight pence." he nodded, placing his card into the reader as he exchanged his money over.

"See you around, Daniel." he spoke, opening the shop door.

"Hey?" I spoke out.

"Yeah?" he half-heartedly grinned.

"Do me a favour? Don't associate yourself with me. You're new in town, I don't want to fuck you up like that." and with that, he left the shop.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	7. VI

_**Philip Lester** _   
**_Saturday 24th October_ **

Okay, alright, I'm calling it now: I don't see what's wrong with Daniel Howell. That's why when Alison was over having tea with my mum, I wandered down the stairs to sit in during the conversation, piping up when I had the chance, "Hey, Alison?" I asked.

"Yes, Phil?" she responded politely, placing her empty mug on a coaster.

"This might seem strange, but can you tell me more about Daniel Howell?" I sat back in my chair, crossing my legs over on the seat.

"Daniel?" she scoffed, "If you're sure. He was born in this neighbourhood, but he grew up to be something terrible. Personally, I've seen him tipping bins over and emptying them out, leaving the rubbish all over people's gardens. I've seen him spitting into bushes, starting fights at the park. In fact, parents can't even leave their children unattended like they could before he came around. I've even seen him masturbating in public." I wiggled uncomfortably at that, "He's a rotten kid. I've heard rumours of drugs, smoking, mild sexual harassment, underage drinking, breaking and entering. But, I can't say they're true. Did you hear he's actually got a _job_? The place has had half the business because of it, he won't be in there for long. Keeps him off the streets, I guess."

"Yeah, I went down to the bookshop a few days ago. I picked up a couple of books after my shift at the grocer's." I admitted.

"Oh, the grocers? Lovely place, do they treat you well?" and just like that, Daniel Howell had been brushed under another rug.

I'd become convinced he wasn't as bad as people made him out to be.

It was a Saturday, so I was working another shift at the grocer's, but only from twelve until four. It was a welcoming shop, consisting of mostly older residents browsing for fresh fruit and veg. I walked past the bookshop, glancing inside wondering if Daniel was working. I approached the store, glancing up at the official name for the first time, ' _Brooks_ '. It seemed like a local shop, maybe once family-owned.

I found my legs walking me into the shop on the late-October day, my hands stuffed into my coat pocket. I was met by a blast of warm air, my eyes glancing up at the till. I grinned, "Hey." as Daniel stood up from his stool.

"Welcome back." he grumbled, leaning on the desk with his elbows, "Browsing or got something else in mind?"

"Just browsing." I sighed, feeling as though this was more true to the Daniel of his rumours.

"Right." he nodded, turning around and lifting his arms up to fetch something off of a high shelf. I refrained a gasp as I watched his shirt ride up his back a few inches, revealing an array of bruises on his back. His shoulders slouched before he knelt down to move a small ladder beneath him, climbing the steps and lifting his arms to reveal the marks against him again.

I had to confirm to myself that it wasn't just his Marking, but on the second time they appeared, it confirmed it in my mind. Maybe he really did get into trouble on the town's streets. In fact, this could all bottle down to his Marking, or more to the point his possible lack of one. There was the chance he has a hidden one, like me, but it wasn't common as most of them were positioned on people's hands as they were the instruments people guided themselves through the world with.

He turned around, stepping down the ladder and cocking an eyebrow up, "Are you going to browse?"

I gulped, realising I looked like a complete idiot, "You asked me the other day if I was the reason for your job-"

"Honestly," he admitted, "I don't care. I'm earning money, then I can move out of this town. Are you buying books or not?"

I bounced slightly on the spot, feeling awkward to continue into the store, as well as stepping out. I didn't want to retreat, but I was also highly cautious of this escalating into something else. So, I nodded, heading over to the shelves and silently reading the blurbs off of a few covers. I hadn't even finished the last books I bought.

I marched up to Dan's counter with it, dropping it on the side as I rummaged my wallet for my card. He scanned the book as the next words slid through my teeth, "Do you want to head down to the pub with me after your shift?" he scowled up at me while I processed what my tongue had just offered before my mind caught up.

"What?" he asked, and I agreed with his confused stare.

"Well, what time do you finish your shift? I'd like to get a drink with you." I stood my ground.

"Six o'clock." he slid my book towards me.

I offered a weak smile before tracing back on my words, "Wait... you're legal to drink, right?"

"I'm eighteen." he confirmed.

"Well, I'll see you in an hour and a half. I'll come by here." I picked my book up and left the store, leaving both of us in complete shock.

***

"Well." I greeted Dan and the cash register, "It's six."

He scoffed, "I can't believe you actually turned up."

"I'm not a liar." I defended.

"You're not timid either because any new soul in town knows who I am, so you're either looking for trouble or are fucking dumb. You'd have heard my rumours." he sighed, walking to the back door of the shop.

"I'm not looking for trouble, but yes, I've heard your rumours." I ran my fingers along my forehead, beginning to assume I'd made a mistake.

"Then you're dumb. Got it. What's your name, Patrick Star?" Daniel Scoffed.

"Wow, you really don't know any character who's dumb beyond a child's TV program?" I crossed my arms, leaning against a bookshelf.

"I was just stooping to your mental age." he rolled his eyes, pushing his back against the door and letting me through to the backroom behind him, "And anyway, I asked you a question."

"No, you insulted me." I corrected.

"Well if you're really that fucking offended then leave." he groaned, scruffing his shoes against the floor.

"Philip Lester. Phil for short."

"Well, Lester, I don't need to give you my name."

"Because of your 'street cred'?" I mocked.

"No, because it's on my name tag." he smirked.

I let out a sharp breath of air, "For the fact I'm a really laid back guy and have had no trouble _ever_ getting along with someone, I can see why the rumours started." I remarked.

"Great, thanks," he sarcastically huffed, "I'm going to change my top. So unless you're a pervert, stay out here for a second. And one more thing: they're not rumours." he grinned.

Bloody hell this kid was something else. His good looks were a false façade over his attitude. He appeared again after a minute in a frayed and cigarette-burnt tee.

We walked in silence to the pub.

I got us a table a few metres away from the bar. My plan was to have a drink with him, judge his character once and for all, then get the hell out of here. I sighed, "What drink do you want?"

"Could I get a coke with ice?" he asked, drumming his fingers against the sticky wooden table.

I bit my top lip, "I'm paying." thinking this was a reason for his skint drink.

"Oh? Well, thanks," he grinned, "A lime and soda, then." he laid back in his chair, rocking it on its hind legs.

"I thought you said you were eighteen?"

"I am. You asked what drink I want." he stated. I nodded, ordering his drink and a vodka and lemonade for myself. God only knew I'd need a few of those to get through the next half an hour.

I returned to our table and dumped the glass on his side. He gave a small grin and thanked me. I sighed, taking a seat and telling him it was no problem.

We sat in a much-needed silence for a couple of minutes as we begrudgingly sipped on our drinks. He ran his hand through his fringe, taking a breath in, "My dad's an alcoholic. I've never touched a drink because of it. I can't stand the smell and I can't bear the consequences of it."

A rock hit my chest at his words. I didn't expect anything serious to come past his lips, let alone something serious. I muttered a pathetic, "Oh."

Daniel chuckled and for a moment I thought he was lying, but he continued, "Sorry, I didn't mean to break the ice with something like that. It's been a tough day." he admitted.

"Hey, it's alright." I half-lied, still holding his attitude towards me in a spiteful manner.

"The lime and soda's good, though." he grinned. I flashed a smile back to him, my head staying down. He groaned, "God, I'm a dick, I know. What do you want, a 'sorry'? If so, I'm sorry. I'm not used to anyone respecting me, fuck, I'm not used to anyone giving me the chance to speak."

I sighed, throwing my grudge away, "Honestly, I'm sorry too. I wound you up, but you were taking this piss."

"I know I was." he admitted, "Dan." he sighed, "Call me Dan."

"Alright, Dan." my cheeks turned upwards, finishing my last sip of my drink. I pinched my tongue between my teeth before speaking, "I haven't even finished the first books I bought." He looked up and crossed his arms, waiting for me to continue, "I think I was looking to prove everyone wrong about your attitude. I mean, I don't know why else I'd have come in without needing to-" I was rambling on but he wasn't listening, instead staring right behind me, "Are you alright-"

"We need to go." he pleaded.

"What?"

"Now." he begged, his fingertips digging into the table. I nodded, standing up cautiously, putting my wallet into my pocket as I heard someone call over my shoulder.

"Danny!" Dan's face dropped, "Come get a drink with your old man, I'm glad to finally see you here." my chest ached at the look of Dan's face, and I suddenly realised I was only a page into his whole story.

"Dan?" I cautiously approached with my words.

"I...I don't know what to do." he admitted, not tearing his eyes away from the man I assumed was his dad. I nodded, glaring at the man at the bar in hopes of catching his eye-line. I did, so I signalled my head to the drunken, and quite likely drugged, man behind me. He mouthed 'okay' to me before approaching the alcoholic.

"Alright, sir, you're already obviously highly intoxicated, we're going to have to ask you to leave." the barman kindly commanded.

"Bullshit!" Dan's Dad shouted, "That's my son over there! Tell him, Danny!"

Dan warily nodded, "Yeah... yeah...that's...that is my father."

I scowled at the barman, making it clear that this man was leaving. He nodded back, turning his head again, "Seriously, you've got to leave." a person, presumably another worker at the pub, approached the two of us, glaring at Dan before kindly diverting his attention to me.

The man smiled concerned for our safety, "Follow me round the back." I nodded, Dan following behind as we escaped the pub.

Once we left, I turned to Dan, leaning against the wall, "God, I'm so sorry, I wouldn't have brought you here if-"

"It's not your fault. I would've said if I thought he was allowed in here again."

"Still, I feel like I've overstepped."

"Honestly? Yeah...you have. Look, it's not your fault, but please don't search me out again. I enjoyed the drink, thanks." and with that, he walked away.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	8. VII

**_Daniel Howell_ **   
**_Saturday 24th October (continued...)_ **

I pressed my face into my hand as I used my other to comb my hair back. My breathing was ragged as I held my knees up to my chest on my floor bed. Phil tried. He really, really did, but I couldn't muster up the effort to make a relationship of any sort, even just an acquaintance, to work. I shouldn't have gone out tonight.

The door downstairs slammed shut as I heard the vibrations ripple throughout the musty house. His footsteps drummed one at a time up the staircase as his less-than-black-out voice echoed out, "Danny?" he was way too sober.

I held a lump in my throat as I forced back wet eyes and both my hands violently scratched at my scalp. I could feel his hands over me before he even stepped near. My legs twitched beneath my weight as my stomach twisted inwards, _"Go away, Steven."_ I begged within my mind.

My bedroom door cracked open, his presence looming in the doorway. He wore a false grin, "I saw you in the pub." he spoke, "Where was my 'hello'?" I shook my head, so he repeated his question, "Where was it?"

"I-I-I...I-I...I-"

"Oh, save it, boy." he scoffed, "You're ashamed of me. Fucking ashamed of me." he scowled, "Just because you're blessed with a Marking and I'm not, huh? You think you're privileged. That's what you think. You're not privileged, Danny. You don't deserve anything, do you?" he prowled. I shook my twitching head, my hands shaking against my skull. My lungs took in air at an unsteady pace as Dad crouched down to my height. His lips were pinched tight as his finger pulled my chin up to his as he has always done in situations like these; situations where he wants to mock me and shame me for my behaviour.

His face crept towards mine as he scowled with both sets of teeth. My hand flew to my mouth as I felt my gut turn in on itself. I felt sick from the vibrations echoing through my body as my blood coursed it's way downwards. God, please, God knows I don't want this. I clenched my legs in desperation of removing my hardness but I'd never known it to work. The water began to drip from my eyes as my right hand burnt into my sheet.

**//**

He hummed, laughing slightly at the end of the note before tearing my palm away from my mouth, and when he did this, all my bodily pains began to scutter away. I was left with nothing more than an empty body to manoeuvre. He gripped the wrist of the hand that was against my mouth, moving it down to my dick. My head shook slowly as he palmed his hand over mine.

"I know you always want me because you get hard. You enjoy my little show. It gets you excited." he crept to my ear, whispering down my neck, "If you didn't get hard, I wouldn't do this, you know that?"

He moved our hands away from my body and down the waistline of his jeans instead. The feeling of flesh against my fingertips made me shudder. But, I complied. My hand made downward movements in hopes that if I could just get him to come now, he would leave my body alone.

The corner of his lips smiled as he took pleasure in my hatred for him. I'd tried denying it before and lashing out, putting all my best attempts into escaping situations where he'd become a little too sober, but it only made everything so much worse and unbearably painful.

My head became light as my conscience fluttered out, "Stay with me, Danny." he laughed, knowing I could shut off in these circumstances. He peeled my tee away from my body, followed by my jeans and boxers. I had goosebumps run across my body as he pushed my shoulders down against the mattress.

Dad stood over me, hacking up spit in his throat before projecting it onto my chest over my Marking. He cackled, "Not so special of a thing now, is it?" he mocked. My head ran light-headed again, my mind pleading to detach from any physical sensations.

"Fucking hell, boy." he complained, "Stay with me." he knelt down, unzipping his jeans and pulling his dick out of his pants. It would hurt less after if I could just stay with it for the next ten minutes, because he'd drag it out and stretch me. But, I was already going too quickly, so he decided to miss that out and press his cock against me as he forced his way into my ass. I whined, my hole aching with him inside of me. He leant closer to my ear, "I'm inside of you, Danny. No one will ever want you, used like this."

He violently jerked himself in and out of my body, making exaggerated moaning sounds to fill the house as he did so. Water crept its way out of my eyes until the pressure inside of my head became too much, and I lost connection to my body.

***  
 ** _Sunday 25th October_**

I woke up, the feeling of nausea spreading across my entire stomach as I tried to make sense of my surroundings. I tried to move my hands to my sides before realising they'd been strapped together. I let out a whine, trying to shuffle backwards but feeling my feet tied and my back already against a wall. I tried turning to my side, only for a sharp pain to spread across my ass as I realised there was still something inside of me. I cried out, sobs violently escaping out of my mouth. I couldn't even position myself to see what tool I was sitting on. I just hoped it was clean.

Dad appeared in my doorway with a smile against his face. I wondered if I'd been here long enough for him to get drunk again, or maybe he'd stayed almost-sober to see me wake from this. He checked the time, "Impressive, Danny. Fifteen hours with a rolling pin inside of you." he broke the tape around my wrists, my arms cramping as I moved them out of place. He groaned in pleasure, "I'll let you get it out of you." I whined and whimpered as I manoeuvred the wood out of me, tossing it to the side and unwrapping my feet. Dad nodded, leaving me in my room alone at last.

**//**

I scuttled to my phone, seeing a missed call from David, _"Fuck, please, no!"_ I thought as I realised I was missing work. I was throwing on clothes as I ran out of the houses my entire body screaming in agony. I could have called in sick, but work was my only freedom.

I returned the call, "David I'm-"

"Save it, Daniel. You're two hours late, where are you?"

"I'm sorry, I'm heading up now."

"Fine. This is your _only_ warning!" he scowled as he hung up the line.

I spent the five-minute walk weeping into my jumper's sleeve.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	9. VIII

_**Philip Lester** _   
**_Sunday 25th October (continued...)_ **

I spent the entire night awake, guilt rotting in my body as I thought about the evening. I'd humiliated Dan and made him feel so scared and vulnerable. I was battling on whether or not I should leave him alone today, or hope I could catch him in the bookstore after my shift.

The hand drew nearer to the twelve on the clock looming on the far wall. I sighed, still battling my conscience, _"You know what?"_ I thought to myself, _"If he's working a shift, I'll go in. If he's not, it's not meant to be."_

I threw my plastic gloves in the bin, worn so I could handle the food safely, and made my way out of the shop, saying goodbye to the other people on shift as I did so. I peered into the bookstore seeing Dan and David working the tills, although David seemed to be sorting out the cash registers rather than waiting to serve. There was also a customer in the store, browsing in the Crime section. I took a breath in, walking through the door and approaching Dan, "Hey." I smiled to the both of them.

"Oh, hey..." David trailed off, scouring his mind for my name.

"Phil." I reminded, giving a small chuckle. Dan was looking downwards with his nails marking the wooden desk and his cheeks puffing out wide with each breath he took.

"Do you need to talk to me or...are you buying?" David asked, a somewhat hopeful look on his face.

I chuckled out of politeness, shaking my head, "I was given a job at the grocer's." providing him with a smile of pity.

"Ah," he nodded, understanding, "Well, it was lovely to meet you, I've got to take this to the back." he shrugged, signalling to a small box of what I presumed was money. David walked to the man in Crime before he did so, "Trouble finding something to read, Jacob?"

The customer smiled, nodding, "You know what, you're right. I've been here too long, let me pay for this and I will be gone."

"Not at all!" David brushed off, "I was just checking in." he winked.

"Ah, I know the worker's tactics. I'll pay up." Jacob approached Dan as David slid to the backroom, "Are you waiting-" I was asked by the elderly gentleman.

"Oh, no, sorry, you go." I stepped to the side to let Jacob pay. He shuffled out of the store, making sure the glass door shut properly before he walked down the street.

My heart raced in my chest as I approached the counter, putting my hands on the surface as I looked downwards, neither Dan nor I peering up, "I'm-"

"I thought I told you to keep away." Dan sighed, shuffling backwards and sitting on his stool, hunching his arms into his lap.

"I know, but-"

"Then why are you here?!" he squealed, his voice cracking slightly. I looked up at him, concerned he was crying, but his face appeared bloodshot with frustration. My eyes flicked down to his lap, noticing his swollen wrists, which were slightly red at the skin. I furrowed my eyebrows inwards, Dan obviously noticing my concern and hiding the wounds.

I ran my hand over my mouth, beginning to feel responsible for this boy's safety. I swallowed the ball in my throat, "What will it take for you to trust me?" my arms were shaking beside me, so I slipped my fists into my jeans' pockets.

"Maybe for you not to make me feel harassed where I work? That would be a good place to start." Dan snapped.

I snatched my wrists out of hiding and slammed my palms against the till, "Stop being such a-" I paused.

"Such a what? Huh?" he mocked, holding eye contact against me.

I became wary of being in the only place where he'd been able to get hired. I sighed, "Meet me at the park after your shift, when are you done?"

He scoffed, "I'm not going anywhere with you!"

"I'll wait on the bench outside and follow you home." I admitted, taking a step back to leave.

"Then I'll call the fucking police!" he cried out.

"And they'll believe _you_?" I regretted the words the second they'd grinded through my teeth.

He laughed solemnly, nodding on the spot, "Fine. Fuck, guess you're right. Be here at five and you can take me to the bloody park."

I hummed, pulling my fists crossed into my sides in shame. I nodded my head, leaving the store. I'd be back in half an hour.

***

I waited outside Brooks for Dan, the cold air whispering into my ears as I hopped on the spot slightly, hoping to create some warmth. My eyes darted up when Dan appeared at the glass door, releasing the door handle to push himself through. He stayed silent, his eyes wandering anywhere else but at me.

I took a sigh, walking towards the park with him trailing slightly behind me. I coughed, hoping to start up some small talk, "How was your shift...other than me harassing you?" I gave a pathetic chuckle, desperately trying to clear the tension away.

"Yeah...alright. I like it there." he hummed, "And uh...what about you, what did you do today?"

"I was in work today, actually. I work over the weekends, I feel as though it gives those with families a time together." I smiled, shrugging my shoulders slightly.

"Oh," he whispered, "Don't you have a family?"

"I, yeah, sorry, wrong words...I do, but it's my parents and my brother but he's gone back up to university. My Dad's an...actually I'm not too sure what he does but he's some sort of advisor. Before that he was training to go down the medical route but he didn't like it. My Mum's a doctor. They both work weekends." I fiddled my tongue over the words, feeling as though they should be spoken, "What about you...?"

The park came into sight at the end of the road. Dan gulped, "You...met my father. My mum...well, I haven't had anything to do with her since she found her soulmate when I was young."

Silence filled the town around us. I began leading us to a bench to sit down, "I'm sorry, that sucks. Your parents weren't-"

"No, they both gave up. Well, they said they did. Mum ran away and my dad turned to alcohol." Dan shrugged, resting his back against the seat and crossing his legs over, "Why... what got you to get me over here?" he questioned

"Honestly..." I spoke, "I'm not sure. I was worried about you after yesterday and there's just..." I lost my words.

He scoffed, turning it into a small amount of laughter, "You pity me?"

"Not at all!" I shrieked, offended he'd accuse me of that. I sighed, "Hold it against me, but I'm curious about you. I could shove it under a rug if it wasn't that I spent the night being hammered under my own guilt for last night. Coming to apologise again seemed like an appropriate time to-"

"Interrogate me? I see how it is." he smirked, running his fingertips over his wrists.

"Pff." I wiped off.

"Can I be honest?" he stumbled nervously.

I answered clearly and truthfully, "Yeah."

"Really?" he checked.

"Dan, why wouldn't you be able to?"

"Because I've only met you three times." he tapped his knee.

"But it feels longer than that." I admitted.

"Strangely, yeah..." he agreed, "That's not what I was going to say, though. Uh, Phil? What about your Marking?" he nervously laughed, the sound coming through his raw throat.

I was taken aback by the question, not expecting it, but was truthfully going to ask the same thing at some point, "It's along my back. Covers it. It's so big in fact that my parents had it checked that it _was_ a Marking and not a skin pigment issue." I giggled, finding that part funny.

Dan's eyebrows furrowed as he turned towards me and crossed his legs up on the bench, "So, it doesn't bother you?"

"No, not at all. It's unique. What about yours?"

"It's across my stomach. Well, that and see here?" he questioned, pointing below his chin, "It spreads there and onto my forearms." he showed me those lines, too. He whimpered, "I've always hated them. I was mocked for them for years by everyone I knew." he looked away, his eyes clouding over.

"Dan?"

"Yeah?" he responded, still drifting away.

"I bet they're beautiful."

"Yeah, well, I'll hopefully think the same thing one day." he shrugged, "What did you want to ask me?"

"Shut me up at any moment, but why did you get your reputation?"

"I got it because it's true. The rumours from the locals...I'm sure you've heard them by now, you've been here for a week or so. Well, they're not liars. Almost... actually as I've never drunk a drop of alcohol and I've never touched a ciggy."

"You've wanked off in public?" I accused, lifting a brow as he stared pink-cheeked up at me.

"I've been at low points in my life." he murmured.

"God, Dan!" I playfully spat. He shrugged, kicking the pavement with his shoe. I mumbled, staring at the broken tip, "Want me to take you shopping?"

His eyes darted up at me, "What?"

"Well, you don't have to," I reminded, "But we can go into the main town. I'll get us the bus down. It can't be longer than half an hour?"

"It's twenty minutes," he agreed, "But uh, I'm good. I'm saving up to rent a place."

"Oh, Dan..." I realised, "I was offering to pay for a few bits."

"So, charity?" he spat.

"More of a gift. Even if it was charity, what would be wrong with that?" I picked him up on his defensiveness.

He snorted, "Suppose you're right. It doesn't take a genius to realise I look...like something else."

I smiled pitifully, standing up from the park bench, "When's your next shift?" I asked.

"Tomorrow. I get off at five as always." he stayed seated, sharing a smile with me.

"Is that a yes?"

"A yes to what?" he winked, looking away after.

"I won't play your games, Howell." I replied.

"No?"

"No." I asserted. His eyes shot towards me.

"Alright. See you at five." he grinned. It looked good on him.

"I'll take you shopping at the end of the week."

"Alright." he agreed, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Dan." I felt his eyes on me as I walked away.  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	10. IX

_**Daniel Howell** _   
_**Sunday 25th October (continued...)** _

Phillip Lester was a mysterious man. There was something about his intentions which felt unusual, but I didn't suspect him of anything wrong. I rested in the park until dark, standing up to return to my house, but remembering the night before. My insides flipped and I was pulled back into the seat. It was a chilly night, but I had a jacket and the building I slept in was never heated anyway, so I took to resting on the park bench until first light.

I headed to my Monday shift as soon as I woke up, hoping to get in early to freshen up. I succeeded in doing so, slipping on my work shirt that was left on the side as always and waiting in the back room, with David in the office. He always kept my work uniform with him, washing it every other day and leaving it in my compartment. He didn't do it for Chris, so I felt as though it was a procedure to make sure I kept my work clothes neat enough to be presentable to the customers. I wouldn't tell him, but I appreciated it as I could only get to the dry cleaners once a month. Dad bought a bag of shopping every week, but I'd relied on loose change around the house or in his pockets for survival. However, three quid a month went to sending my clothes through the launderette.

The day passed soon enough, slowed down by my eyes eagerly watching the ticking face of the clock move forwards. But, it eventually came around and once again, I followed Phil to the park.

"Dan?" he nervously questioned.

"Yeah?" I murmured, watching the greenery in the distance come closer.

"If you don't mind me asking..." his eyes analysed my face for any sort of concern, "When did your dad start drinking?"

I sighed, slouching my head and dancing my fingers in my pockets, "When Mum left. I'd just turned seven. So...eleven years ago. It's a scientific miracle he's not poisoned himself to death."

"Damn..." Phil's face contorted in a way which told me he couldn't imagine growing up how I did, "I don't even...that's awful."

"Yeah...anyway, can I ask you something?" I said as we sat on the same bench as yesterday.

"Sure."

"Did you have anything to do with me getting my job?"

He chuckled to himself, "Honestly? Yeah, I did. I was told in the interview they were desperate for staff, and if I hadn't come along, they'd be forced to hire you. So, when they offered me the job, I told them no." he shrugged, giving me a struggled smile.

I snorted, shaking my head, "You know what? I'm really fucking thankful." I groaned, deciding whether or not I was going to open up to him, "You've seen what I wear and I can back that up by the fact you're taking me shopping. I'm an eighteen-year-old being taken to buy clothes by a stranger who's..." I paused, "how old are you, even?"

"Twenty-two." he replied, watching my face with interest.

"Exactly. I need money so that I can get a life away from...what I have now, but I can't do that without money in the first place. The poor get poorer and the rich get richer." I shrugged, then added, "It's the brutal truth."

"Dan?" Phil's voice was deep and assertive.

I snickered out of nervousness, raising an eyebrow to ease the tension, "Yeah?"

"You've had it so God damn unfair and I know you're only telling me half of the story. It won't be like this forever, okay? You've got your start now, and I'll be here to help you keep on going. It shouldn't take another person to pick you up before you have a chance, but that's the way this shitty world is, so I'm here until you tell me to go. I believe in you."

I pinched my lips together and held my body small. I felt like a grain of sand against Phil. I'd still have nothing if it wasn't for his help. But against the world, for the first time ever, I felt like a mountain above everyone else. I felt as though I was being given my one shot at getting away from this life and I wasn't going to fuck it up. Who knows why Phil came into my life like this, but here he was and I would repay him one day. I gulped, muttering a pathetic, "Thank you." but when I looked up into his eyes, the blue that reflected back told me he knew I wanted to be saying it a million times over. I sighed, standing up, "I'm going to head back now. See you, Phil."

"See you, Dan." he nodded, standing up and walking forwards. He turned back, "Are you going this way, too?" I nodded shamefully, walking by his side down the road. Phil took a breath in, "How do you think you'll meet your soulmate?"

I scrunched my eyes, twisting my head to the side, "As in, how my Marking will change?"

"Yeah..." he nodded, looking down shamefully.

"I'm not sure. Of course I'm not sure, it's not happened yet. You're asking what I think _could_ happen and that...I was thinking maybe I hug someone, but then that wouldn't explain the lines along my arms in the way they're positioned. So, maybe they hug me and I try and reject it? Sounds more like me." I giggled, "Or I fall onto someone. Even more like me." Phil grinned, "What about you?" I asked.

"Honestly? I've tried analysing it, but I've never got anywhere with it. Maybe I lean against someone or they hug me from behind?" he shrugged, looking weak.

"Hey, Phil? Can I tell you something?" I whispered, running my fingers against the wisps of hair on my neck.

"Of course." he nodded, smiling up at me.

"The idea of a soulmate scares me. It's...terrifying, isn't it? It's knowing someone is going to randomly come into your life one day and then _have_ to be in it until you die together."

"They say you want to be together once you've found each other. It's like an overwhelming bond..." he sighed, seeming to not believe his own words.

"Even that's scary. Being so reliant on the other. What if one of them gets killed? Obviously, soulmates die at the same time together, but surely there's been instances of one getting hit by a car in their thirties-" I rambled.

"But then the other still dies at the same time. It's fate." Phil chuckled. He looked concerned as he continued, "I've always felt sorry for people I've known who lost both of their parents one day, completely unexpectedly, all because of what? For fate? Is that _all_ it bottles down to?" he seemed to be begin to boil under his skin, before he groaned loudly, "Sorry, it's just...my friend met his soulmate five years ago. The same day they both died."

"Fucking hell!" I cried out, "Damn, that's...that's really fucking shitty."

He nodded, pursing his lips as he turned to me to apologise, "I didn't mean to get deep like this, it's just been bothering me a lot recently and I don't know why. Just some force of the universe, I guess."

"Hey, no, Phil..." I reassured, "It's nice to know someone who isn't completely wrapped up in it all. I often wonder what the world would be like without soulmates." I admitted, taking a seat on the wall beside his body.

"What do you mean?" he questioned.

"Like...surely sex would be another thing entirely? _So many people_ save themselves for their soulmate. I guess it's right to. That way it wouldn't ever be awkward. It would be special. God, it's so weird knowing everything is perfect with your soulmate." I groaned, hitting my fist against the bricks beneath me.

"Dan?" Phil spoke in a high-pitched tone. I turned my head up to him, seeing the look in my eyes as my chest sank. He continued, "Are you...have you had sex?"

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-_

"Have you not?" I mumbled.

"Dan, you just said it yourself the majority of people don't until they've found their- You're still mateless aren't you, right?"

"Yeah. Yes. Phil...yes. To all of it, happy now?"

"No, Dan-" he stuttered.

"I'm going home." I sighed, walking off.

_Fuck._

***

I slammed the door behind me as I entered my house, still fucking fuming from my idiocy with Phil. The metal hinges cracked against the wooden door, causing it to throw itself open again. I stared out into the street, glaring at it before turning into the living room. Steven laid there, his face staring up at the ceiling until he heard my movements. He tilted his head upwards, the rest of his body following suit until he dragged it upright, "Danny." he spat, his body swaying around as he laughed. His face dropped, "Where the fuck have you been? You didn't come back last night. Too much of a wimp?"

I clenched my fists and bit my teeth into my bottom lip, "What do you want, Steven?"

"When will you call me Dad again, huh?" he slurred, moving closer.

"When you start acting like one!" I snapped, losing my tether. I'd only ever argued back once before and it ended with me unconscious. I knew what broken grounds I was treading on but I stomped on the glass anyway.

"Fuck you!" he spat, striding towards me, "You don't know what I do for you-!"

"What do you do for me then, huh?!" I shouted, "TELL ME, WHAT DO YOU DO?!"

His nose scrunched as his fingers strangled the neck of his bottle, "Don't you speak to me like...that you...spoiled wanker!" his nose was centimetres away from mine.

"I will talk to you how I like until you treat me like a son." but I snarled right back into his eyes. He lunged a fist at me, missing by a mile as I stepped backwards.

"Get back here!" he groaned, stamping his heel onto my toes. I grunted, holding back any cries of pain.

"Fuck you, Steven! ALL I WANTED-" I felt my neck boil and my skin heat to red, " _ALL_ I WANTED, WAS FOR YOU TO PAY FOR ME TO LEAVE HERE. YOU OBVIOUSLY HATE ME THAT MUCH, SO WHY CAN'T I GO?" I'm sure my yells echoed across the town as I stepped forwards in the door frame, spitting at my father.

"'Cause who would be my fuck buddy be then, huh Danny?" he winked, a sickening smirk licking up his cheek.

I reached my lips against his ear, "I understand why Mum abandoned you." I felt a fist swell the side of my head, my muscles throbbing at the collision, but I kept grinding away at him, "She even left me here because she wanted no trace of you left. I always blamed it on me, but she just hated you that much!" My voice was growing louder by the word, "BECAUSE YOU NEVER HAD A FUCKING MARKING, MEANING YOU WERE VERMIN. YOU WERE A MISTAKE IN FATE." I felt the veins in my neck rise up against my skin, "YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN ANYONE. And, you've never been loved by anyone because of it-"

I heard glass smash before I saw the remains scatter against the floor. My father's bottle had been slammed against the door frame and the shards were aimed at my smile. I just laughed. Whether it was out of nerves or accomplishment, I couldn't be sure. I had no time to gather myself as the slices were being waved towards me. I gulped, realising the catastrophe of the situation, buckling against the wall as he came after me. I kneed his stomach when he pounced, giving me a second to slide behind him and rummage for a weapon, but the room was bare and any remaining shards of glass were too small to handle.

My pulse vibrated in my ears as I swayed my head around, bolting behind him to the doorframe, hoping to be able to make a quick exit, but he'd rounded me to force me to run up the stairs or nowhere at all. Our hallway was wide, probably large enough to section into a small room, but thin enough for him to attack from this position if he wanted to.

"Can't run now... _Danny_." and with that tone, I was a small boy again. The child chained to bedposts, attacked and hurt, sold off to strange men for a fiver so my dad could watch. The young boy who learnt to suck dick from his dad and had failed at life in his hands.

I stood still, speechless, and glass lunging towards my throat.

He didn't need me anymore.  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	11. X

_**Philip Lester** _   
_**Sunday 25th October (continued...)** _

I groaned, resting my forehead into my palms as I shuddered over my conversation with Dan. Why? Why did I have to go and pry like that? Especially just after we seemed to be able to create some form of friendship. I'd fucked it up. I couldn't help but wonder, though, what type of life Dan led that got him to use himself before he found his soulmate. I pondered over it, concluding that he either sold himself as he said he was always desperate for money, or he acted out.

When he said he couldn't help but imagine a world without soulmates, my mind couldn't help but begin to think in the same way. If there were no perfect matches in the world, would it mean that people had to keep jumping from partner to partner until they found one they liked enough to settle with? How would they have any clue to settle down with someone they could potentially get along really well with, if after a handshake and a short introduction, they never spoke again? It was a bizarre concept however, it also made me realise it wasn't all negatives. There wouldn't be the discrimination against non-Markers, nor would there be the pressure to never miss finding them. Maybe it would be an entire weight lifted off this universe's shoulders. Maybe love would be more genuine because individuals had to make it work, instead of being gifted with it. Would there be pressure around what gender people's partners were? That would be a strange one, but I would understand it if society relied on children. Having children _is_ an issue for equal partners. Of course, there's the handful of kids who need adopting for whatever reason, but there's nowhere near enough, which of course is a good thing. Maybe surrogates would be much less popular, maybe not even exist at all? I sighed, letting my brain try to comprehend all of my thoughts.

I was then drifted on to thinking about what it would feel like for me to meet my soulmate. Would I meet them by touching them first, or know them before we connected? When would I meet them, would I spend my entire life waiting for them before it actually happened? What if my soulmate was currently a child and I met them that way?! It's happened to people before. Soulmates can be up to thirty years in difference, although the majority of ninety-five percent are within ten years. God, why did Dan get me to think about all this nonsense? He could've kept his mouth shut...but, then again, so could I. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting on the wall of my house becoming twisted in my own brain.

I chuckled to myself, Dan makes me think in a way nobody else has been able to before. It's special, really. He's special. I don't know much about him, but I know I've _really_ only read the blurb of his entire story. He's got his secrets and I won't make him share them, and work through them, until he's ready. I don't know, just, something about him makes me want to wait for him.

I was hearing an argument down the street, but my mind was too full of noise to draw my full attention to it. I was burning up across my face as I thought about Dan's looks, especially his smile. I'd noticed he has a dimple on his right cheek that made his grin evermore adorable. I wondered what it would be like to poke it, would my finger be consumed by the facial detail? I laughed out loud, probably seeming insane to any passers-by. You know what? I wonder what Dan's skin felt like at all, I was surprised I hadn't accidentally touched him within the last week at some point...

I began to hear ringing in my ears and I wasn't sure if it was from the noise not too far away or the blood beating around my veins. I scrunched my eyes, _"It couldn't be...Dan wouldn't be...but he does make me...no..."_ my mind raced before I sighed a chuckle of relief, God, I'm so stupid thinking Dan could be my soulmate.

A loud cry out from the street made me peel myself off of the bricks and rush down the road, looking into the houses as I passed them, hoping I could find the cause for the desperate squeals. The next shout struck me across my lungs as it filled the neighbourhood.

That was Dan.

I sprinted even faster, coming across the tattered build, overgrown and miserable, with its door wide open. I dashed in, hearing smashed glass being trodden around inside. My entire body screamed with an ache as the surface of my skin tingled, begging me to dart forwards, so I did, throwing myself up the cobbled stairs and darting my figure between Dan and his dad.

"Get off of him!" I screeched as I flung my back into Dan, crushing him against the wall as his dad slashed a broken bottle an arm's reach away from himself. I felt an immediate sting across my neck and chin as the glass tore into my flesh and I toppled Dan over onto the floor. He lied under me, his arms beneath my back, wiggling to wrap around my waist. His dad was yelling incoherent nonsense at a loud volume, but he stepped close enough for me to slam my foot into his shin and send his head against the hallway wall. I heaved Dan upwards, using his hand around my body to anchor his weight and scuttle him away from the house. I perched my own arm under his shoulders once we made it to the garden steps, leading him down them and us onto the street.

"Phil?" he murmured, his own consciousness seemingly failing. I groaned, taking the majority of his body weight into my movements as I guided us up the road eight blocks to my home. I shot my head to face behind us, sighing a breath of relief as I realised nobody was storming up behind our stumbling frames.

I heaved Dan into my hallway, placing his body onto the floor as I shut the front door and collapsed myself beside him, both of us lying on our backs. We remained there for a while, neither of us having the strength to move a muscle, especially not while our heads raced to catch up with the situation.

I let my eyes flutter shut, the sound of Dan's uneven breath comforting me. We were both so at peace after the sudden onslaught events, therefore when his fingers brushed against my arm, I was surprised, "What the hell was that?" he whispered.

"I heard yelling, then I realised it was you...Dan...I couldn't leave you!" I squealed, turning on my side to face him. He gasped, sitting upright as he held his knuckles to my neck, "Oh fuck, Phil..." he began, tearing off of his tee to press against the spot in my skin that was burning, "This by far isn't the cleanest cloth I could be using, but..." I still wasn't fully aware why he was obsessing over my face, therefore I let my eyes divert themselves to his chest where it glowed a magnificent marble colouring. My jaw held itself open as my chest ached.

I gulped, "I thought you said you hadn't found your soulmate?" my eyes shamefully looking away from checking his body out. Dan scrunched his face up, contorting his lips as he applied more pressure to the area of skin I now realised to be leaking blood.

He stammered, shaking his head, "Phil, just relax...I haven't..." he admitted. He must have seen the way my eyes trailed around him, looking downwards at his Marking before losing all of the breath in his lungs, "Jesus Christ!" he yelled, dropping the cloth he was aiding me with and clawing at the pattern. He stabbed his eyes into mine, battling the hem of my shirt as he desperately yanked it away, "TAKE THE DAMN THING OFF AND TURN AROUND!" he commanded. I looked cautiously at him, doing so anyway. I couldn't see my own Marking, only catching the corner that normally stood as blackness, but instead I saw it shimmer. I listened intently to Dan's heavy breathing, falling in admiration for the way his lungs worked. I smiled, but he groaned, "Phil, you absolute ignorant dick. Use that brain of yours and pay a split second of attention to your Marking!"

I did, taking a second before gasping and gazing towards his face. He was grinning.

"Phil..." he spoke, running his hands along my back as he traced the pigment.

"Oh my God, Dan..." I spoke, _finally_ making the connection. How my heart felt when I was near him made more than complete sense now. Because I was staring at the spots of skin where we'd first touched. In the desperation of the moment we hadn't had a chance to be aware of the change, but we were now here: on the floor of my home's hallway, sitting in each other's presence. I chuckled in every emotion from relief to overwhelming amounts of joy, because not only had I found my partner, but it was the miracle that was Dan himself. I gulped, my throat feeling sore from shock as I'd sighed it dry, "You're...Dan...?" I tried testing my speech.

"You're my soulmate..."  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	12. XI

**_Daniel Howell_ **   
**_Sunday 25th October (continued...)_ **

Phil and I stared, beaming at one another. I shook my head, my eyebrows furrowing as I realised how strange this was. I hummed, my smile fading as I took to caring for his neck again, applying pressure to the slice in his flesh. He winced, so I held my hand against his, my chest fluttering as I ever-so-slowly processed the reality of finding my soulmate.

At that moment, a woman appeared into the hallway, "I thought I heard you, Phil-" she began, her eyes then darting to the cut I was dabbing with my tee, "Oh, my God!" she yelled, falling to my side, "Are you alright?"

Phil chuckled, "Yeah...is it bad?" he asked.

"Yep." I told Phil blatantly, "Should I call an ambulance or can anyone drive?" I threw the question out into the open.

"I'll drive," the lady now attending to Phil's neck spoke, "Who are you?" she turned to me, leaning Phil upwards, so I shot to his other side to pull his weight onto his feet.

"I-I-I'm..." I stuttered, not wanting to give her my name due to the connotation that arrived with it.

"This is Daniel Howell, or...Dan." Phil spoke for me, deciding my hesitancy obviously wasn't worth it.

"Oh." she sighed, Nodding her head, "Well, hello Dan..." she snarled at me, "You didn't do this-"

"No, Mum." Phil groaned. We hobbled down the garden steps and wiggled me and him into the backseats. He was still holding his tee that I'd torn off of him, "It's a long story, we can tell it later." he reassured his mum.

She sighed, nodding as her eyes found the changed Marking on Phil's back as he leant sideways into me. She gasped, "Phil! Your Marking! When, who, how?!"

Phil chuckled, holding my blood-soaked clothing to his neck still, "I think I should reintroduce you two. Mum, this is Dan, my soulmate. Dan, this is my mum."

"Oh, my God-" Phil's mum stared in absolute shock, but also horror.

I sighed, "Mrs Lester, I know you hate me, everyone around here does, but right now your son and _apparently my fucking soulmate_ has his neck torn open so _please_ can you drive?" I held a stern look in my eyes.

"Right. Yes." she agreed, speeding around to the driver's seat. Phil nudged his tee I stripped off of him towards me, signalling for me to put it on. I smiled, nodding, working the fabric under the seat belt.

The drive was silent. I wanted to pull Phil to the side and figure out well...everything. I'm sure Mrs Lester wanted to hit me. I could tell Phil was anxiously anticipating explaining to his mum about me before she killed me. I wanted to beg forgiveness from her. God, it was a mess, and the fact that everybody wanted to say everything to everyone else caused the dead tone to echo out in the car.

I noticed us pulling into the hospital, being the first to pipe up, "Would it be best if I took Phil into A&E while you park up, Mrs Lester?"

She hummed, shaking her head, "I'd prefer to...stay with Phil."

"Mum, I'm not dying. Dan's not going to hurt me. I'm getting out with him and we can talk about this later." Phil sighed, unlocking the door handle and pulling us both out of the car, "See you in a bit."

We trod along the path until we reached the doors, opening them and walking to the front desk. The man smiled exhaustedly, passing us a sheet of paper, "Here for an injury?" he still had a fondness in his eyes, despite the presumably long day.

"Yeah," Phil spoke, "My neck-" he lifted the cloth off of his skin and the receptionist winced.

"Right. Fill out this form with your name, phone number, any allergies...well I'm sure one of you can read." he nodded, sliding the clipboard forwards. Normally I'd have taken that as a slur towards me, but I doubt word-of-mouth got this far out as we were on the other end of town.

"Right, thank you." Phil spoke, pulling the two of us onto some nearby chairs. The details were easy enough, as always, and I learnt Phil had a lactose allergy from peering over his shoulder. He then chuckled aloud while his pen hovered over _Soulmate Details (if any)_. He licked his tongue over his lips, "Dan, what's your phone number?"

"Didn't think you'd be getting it like this, did you?" I snickered before giving him the number to contact me by, "Go on." I laughed when I saw his fingers anxiously drumming over his phone. He hurried to enter the digits into his own mobile, sliding it away again once he'd done so.

"We need to talk about this after I've got this gash sorted out." Phil laughed.

"We really do." I smiled back. Phil stood up, sliding the information sheet under the glass and then he returned to my side. His mum then entered through the door, so Phil and I both shuffled down a place so she could sit by her son and not the local torment who would knock up her child.

She sighed, "Can we-" a person brushed closely past us, "You know what, should we go and sit on those seats over there to get a bit of privacy?" she smiled sweetly, leading us to the area she was talking about. The seats were still uncomfortable, but at least they were mildly sectioned off. Her tongue ran over her dry lips as she began, "I thought about doing this once we were back at our place, but then that would make the next few hours, until we're seen, more awkward than they need to be. So, Dan, I'm Kath." she sighed, "Tell me about yourself."

I chuckled nervously, "What do you want to know?"

"Well!" she beamed, "What is there to know, what about your background?"

"Do you want to talk about the rumours?" I groaned, burying my chin into my fists.

"You know what, no, I don't. Not unless _you_ want to. How did you two meet?" she spread a pitiful smile on her face and I exchanged her a grateful one.

"Remember the time I told you I met Dan in the interview?" Phil spoke, my heart fluttering for a moment thinking he'd talked to his mum about me, only to realise it probably was in a charity way.

"Oh! Right. Did you get the job?"

"I did, actually, entirely thanks to Phil. It's going well. But um, Phil came in a few more times. I'm not sure whether it was to harass me or actually get to know me-"

"Hey!" Phil squealed, kicking my foot.

"Ow!" I winced, kicking him back, "Anyway, I kept telling him to fu- bugger off, but he wouldn't. So, he dragged me to the park twice, the second one earlier this evening, until he pis- annoyed me so I stormed home." I grinned, crossing my arms.

"And...how did the Marking happen?" she wiggled her eyebrows, really getting to what she wanted to know.

"Uh-" I panicked, my foot subconsciously pressing against Phil's shoe.

"When Dan stormed off I chased after him, but I ran into a wooden pole and it had a loose nail on it. I cut my neck and Dan came up behind me, pulling me away from it." Phil looked down, obviously foreign to lying, but Kath took it well enough.

"And the bruise on your face, Dan?" she interrogated.

"That wasn't from today." I confidently dismissed.

"Mum, if you want reassurance Dan didn't cut me, he's left-handed, so I'd have been cut against my right side. The gash is on my left." Phil nudged me, probably feeling like a right genius.

I scrunched my eyebrows up, "How did you know I'm left-handed?" thinking I hadn't written anything around him.

I saw his cheeks flush as he stuttered over his words, "Oh, uh...I-I, well...I just noticed you use it the most...like when you drink or..." I desperately wanted to ask him if he had a crush on me before we realised we were soulmates, but felt like this wasn't the time nor the place.

"You two went for drinks? You missed that one out." Kath spoke, leaning forwards onto her elbows.

"Yeah, I was a twa- pain in the ars- bum. I stormed out. It wasn't successful. Sorry, Phil." I laughed nervously, my fingers brushing the back of my head as I looked away. I also wasn't sure why I was being cautious about my language around Kath, but something within me told me it was polite to at least try.

She huffed, sitting backwards, "I really don't see how you got your rumours, Dan. I'm sorry, I know, I wasn't going to say anything. But, you seem so nice." her voice had a sorrowful tone to it and her eyes a respectful shine.

"It's, it's alright." I spoke softly, "And in your defence, they're mostly true. I haven't touched any alcohol. Everything else...I'm not proud, to say the least." my gut ached as for the first time ever I felt _ashamed_. I was never proud of myself, but I accepted that's who I was, until now, at least.

"Dan...why...?" Kath pushed.

"Mum." Phil warned, causing her to back off. She nodded.

Kath looked around before diverting us away from the uncomfortable conversation, "There's a vending machine over there. Anyone want anything?"

"Could I get something cold for my neck? It's starting to really hurt." Phil asked, "And uh...a couple of packets of crisps?" he asked, looking at me. I stared wide-eyed as he turned away and nodded. Kath went off to purchase the items and Phil leant in towards me, "You don't have to worry about money with me, okay?"

We finished up our food and Phil's cold bottle had gone warm by the time he was called in. We all went through to the assessment room, letting Phil talk through the situation until the nurse turned back to him, "You said a nail cut you?"

"Yeah." Phil agreed, anxious under his lie.

"Right, have you had a tetanus shot within the past four years?"

"I don't..." he began, looking at his mum for assistance.

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Okay, let me just get that sorted and then we'll stitch you up."

Phil's face paled. I knew he was struggling with the idea of thread piercing through his skin, let alone an additional, and unnecessary, injection. I stared at him, bowing my head down as I mouthed slowly to him, " _You can tell her the truth_ ". He looked at me, his lips jittering as he sped through the possibilities of either option in his head.

The nurse looked between us expectantly, "Am I alright to go ahead?"

"Yeah...yeah." Phil spoke anxiously.

"Ah, come on Phil, it's just a small pinch." his mum spoke, "Nothing like what you've gone through today already!"

"Right. But that was for Dan." he sighed. I gulped, approaching him as I tangled my hand into his. He stared at me with doe-eyes, his lips parted as the nurse dealt with the injection. He winced, confused before he realised what was going on.

"All done! Stitches now." the nurse said, smiling at Phil.

"Phil?" I asked.

"Yeah?" he quivered, glaring at the needle and thread.

"I'm going to head back to my house once we get out of here."

"What?!" he almost-shouted, his fingernails digging into the hospital bed.

"Look, I know...but, I need to check if he's alright." I groaned, running my free palm through my hair.

"Okay, but, Dan?"

"Mm?"

"After tonight, you're not going back. Alright? I'll talk to Mum, if that's okay with you, and we'll work it out." he had nothing but adoration in his eyes and I melted under them.

"Okay."  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	13. XII

**_Philip Lester_ **   
**_Sunday 25th October (continued...)_ **

Dan stayed by my side until the last stitch was knotted up and then he dismissed himself to the toilet. The nurse dressed the wound and gave me a handful of bandages, telling me I had five stitches and was to change the dressings every other day for a week, then I could change them weekly, if there was no sign of infection. I smiled, giving my thanks as they left the room.

I was left staring at the cold hospital walls with the sound of a clock ticking, signifying every second of tension building between my mum and I. She looked expectantly at me, looming over from the end of the room. I groaned, turning my head away, "Please just...I need you to be patient," I began, "I don't know what's going on, either. I met Dan a week ago and he's difficult, but really amazing. I'm just going to give him time."

"Oh, Phil..." Mum smiled as she sat on the chair where Dan was, "Obviously I'm worried about you, but I also trust in you and your decisions. I also believe in the Markings, I mean, who couldn't?!"

"We've lied to you." I spoke, my lips sinking between my teeth.

"Phil, I know, but I also know you wouldn't do that unless you really had to. I don't know what's going on for Dan, or who gave you that cut, but I won't interfere. You're a wonderful man and anyone who doesn't trust you is an idiot." she stroked my fringe away from my eye, "Phil?"

"Yeah?" I responded, anxiety rising in me at her tone.

"Can I tell you something? But, before I do know that I only haven't told you before for your own safety."

I gulped, "Okay."

"Your dad and I aren't soulmates. We _did_ first meet by shaking hands, but we'd both matched our Markings with other people before. However, we lost them. Yet we found each other and we are _so, so_ happy." she grinned, shrugging her right shoulder. I furrowed my eyebrows, processing what she'd told me, "We would have said something when you were younger, but knowing you then, you'd not be able to keep it a secret and you'd have been bullied for it."

I chuckled, shaking my head, "So, you're not...soulmates? You two love each other more than I've ever seen anyone else!"

"Awe, Phil." she cooed, "That's sweet, but, let me leave you with something...why should who you're with be defined by anyone else?"

"It shouldn't..."

"Then why is almost every couple in the world defined by a force?"

"Mum...I'm not sure what you're getting at." I sighed, slouching my body.

"The Markings don't matter if you've found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, whether that's your soulmate or not. Being a soulmate means _nothing_ if what you base your relationship on is love, whether platonic, romantic, or sexual. Love is the most powerful force, beyond anything the universe can give us." she ended her speech with her hand on my knee, standing upright as Dan entered the room. She smiled at him, "Ready to go?" I exchanged a look with him as he nodded, so we left the sterile building behind us.

"Do you want your top back?" Dan whispered to me.

I grinned, shaking my head, "It looks better on you than it ever did on me." I shrugged, smirking as I spoke, "Although you could be clotheless and still be wearing them better than me." Dan tensed beside me and I wasn't sure if it was him becoming flustered or uncomfortable, so I left the comment behind me.

When we arrived home, I stood with Dan on the pavement as I stared into his eyes, meaning every word I spoke past my lips, "Call me if there's any problems. Then, meet me back here. I'll talk to my mum and then after you've sorted everything out, you can come home, okay?" my hands were wrapped tightly around his elbows, not wanting him to go back to his place.

"Come...home?" he looked down, his cheeks painted a slight pink.

"I mean that." he looked back up at me and ran the tip of his tongue against his lips. For a second, I hoped he would have kissed me. But instead, he nodded, turning away as he walked up the street.

"Is he not coming in?" Mum asked over my shoulder.

"Not yet. Can I talk to you?" my tone was serious as I took a deep breath.

"Of course, Phil." Mum agreed, walking up the steps and into the house. We sat on our cream sofas and she crossed one leg over the other, whereas I pulled them both onto the cushion and sat with them entwined with each other.

"I don't...I have no clue where to start. Okay, right. I guess the truth. I heard shouting earlier today, after I went to the park with Dan. I then realised it was his screams, so shot down the street looking for the house they were coming from. I ran up his steps to see his drunk dad, who I saw when I took Dan to the pub, trying to...fucking hell probably kill him...So, I barged my way between them and he nipped my neck before I could get him down on the floor. I fell onto Dan and our Markings touched. That's when I pulled him outside and up to our house. We then realised we were soulmates...and...yeah. But, the truth is only part of it. I didn't say the reality earlier because I was worried about Dan, but I think he'd like me to tell you just not around him. Something's not right about his dad and I now know he's physically abusive but for how long or if there's more to it...I don't know. I'm really fucking worried about him, Mum." I groaned, my fingers running over my dyed fringe.

"So he's moving in here?" she confirmed.

"How did you know I offered that?" my head tilted to one side.

"Well, what else were you going to do, send him back there? What's he doing there now-?!" she began to shout at me.

"He's got my number. He's checking his dad is...well, alive, collecting his things, and then he'll be back. I'm not sure whether that's this evening or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow, it can't be easy to pack everything in one night." I reassured. Mum didn't seem too pleased but she nodded, letting a sigh pass through her nose. I took out my phone and sent Dan a message so he had my number for sure.

**Me: Hey Dan! It's the boogeyman. Stay safe and text me if you need me x**

**Dan: All good. My father's passed out on the sofa but he's obviously moved around the place. I'll stay the night here then bring my stuff over before my shift tomorrow?** **Xx**

**Me: Sounds good :) Call me if anything's wrong. Can't you get tomorrow off? Xxx**

**Dan: I really shouldn't, David hates me and is ready to fire me at the first chance he gets xxx**

**Me: Okay :( xxx**

**Dan: :P xxx**   
  
  
  
  
  


~


	14. XIII

**_Daniel Howell_ **   
**_Sunday 25th October (continued...)_ **

I groaned, my spine hitting the mattress as I flopped onto my sheets, placing my phone onto the floor beside me. I don't know what I achieved in life to allow me to deserve Phil, but something tells me I'm the luckiest guy in the world and I won't take this for granted. He could slip away too easily if I do; soulmate or not. The curtain of darkness was being drawn over the evening sky through my window, which stood in my wall without a blind. I groaned, knowing I should really throw my stuff together into a bag before I go to sleep, but procrastinated it until the following morning. So, my eyes heavily sunk closed and I dreamt of a happier tomorrow, but for once, I allowed myself to believe it would be true.

**_Monday 26th October_ **

It was around seven when the sunlight prodded me in the face, my eyes warily greeting it back, although reluctantly. I lifted my back off of the mattress and glanced around my bedroom. I had my old school rucksack and about the same amount of clothes to shove in it. The only thing was the keyboard that I'd become particularly fond of practising since I discovered it a couple of weeks ago.

I had two hours before my shift started at Brooks, so I'd drop Phil a message once I'd pulled my belongings together and hopefully he'd let me into his. Was I moving out, or would this be temporary? I didn't care, it was getting me away from this hell. I stood up, chucking my clothes and the few books I'd collected into my bag when the door creaked open and my stomach dropped.

A laugh came in from the doorway, "Danny, off somewhere?" my father asked.

I shook my head, lying to keep my body intact and alive, "Going up to the launderette after work."

"With books?" he suspiciously gazed over me, hovering at parts which made me shiver uncomfortably.

I shrugged a shoulder, "I get bored." my heart teethed into my ribcage as my feet became slippery under my weight. Every step Steven took towards me made my insides curl.

"It's early for you, boy." he groaned, running his fingers around the waistline of my jeans, stopping at my crotch to slip his hand downwards. His mouth breathed heavily against my ear as we stood at even heights. I heard him wet his lips, "Get down, Danny."

I couldn't protest. I drilled it into my mind that this was for one more time. He'd do what he always does and then leave me alone. Forever this time. Forever.

His fingertips ran expertly over my buckle and flies, jerking my trousers down my legs and discarded them to the side. He pushed me onto the floor by the wall and ripped my tee over my head. I quivered under him, watching his shadow mock my frail body as it slipped over me. His hand ran into my hair as his other fist worked his own junk out of his pants for him to thrust himself down my throat. One last time.

He laughed, pulling his dick out from my lungs and crouched down to me, "I've got something special in store for you today, after last night's performance you put on." his grin stretched from ear to ear and the genuineness of it made my soul ache. He pulled my body away from the wall my snatching at my legs as he pushed his dick back into my ass. His movements rhythmically moved in and out of me for ten minutes, every one of them my mind fully conscious and screaming in dread of what he planned to act upon my body. I felt him release himself inside of me with a grunt a son shouldn't hear, followed by him fumbling his hand over a butt plug.

I let out a small chuckle of relief as he slipped it into my ass, knowing he could have plotted so much worse. But my laughter faded when I saw the grin plastered against his ageing face. My body flustered with anxiety as I felt my bowels cramp, I shook as I uttered the words from my mouth, "I need to piss." he nodded, leaving the room momentarily before he returned with a bottle.

He smiled with innocence, "Use this." but I knew his brain conspired much worse. I relieved myself into the plastic container, my eyes diverting themselves away from his satisfied face before he put the bottle to the side and flung my body over by the waist. My cheek grazed against the cigarette-burnt carpet as I let out a weak cry. He twisted the plug out of my body and held the bottle against my hole, the sound of the liquid emptying making my eyes water. I couldn't feel the piss, but I could feel my body cramping to get it out of my system, but Dad jammed the butt plug back into me.

I thought repeatedly to myself, " _He's done worse, you can get through this._ " he pulled my waist as I heard the stick of gaffer tape unrolling before I felt it bite onto my skin to keep the plug truly inside of me. I could see my hands shake as he turned me round to sit on the toy, tying my fists to the icy radiator behind me.

"I'll be back in a while." he spoke non-plussed, leaving me humiliated on the floor. I thrust my hips around out of my human instinct to remove the items. Water streamed out of my eyes as my body pulled my insides around to try and release the mixture swirling inside of me. I continued to shake myself around feeling seconds away from a restricted orgasm.

My phone screen lit up, seeing the name 'Phil' tagged along the device. I whimpered, desperately rubbing my arse against the floor to finish myself. When I climaxed, everything in my body ached and my legs burnt. The pain from my asshole screamed across my entire stomach as for a moment I wished I'd just fucking die. But then, I felt nothing. The muscles surrounding the plug had faded into numbness and although I was left in a hideously embarrassing position, it was bearable. My phone turned dim again, but I heard the tones of messages coming through, _"Please, just stay away Phil."_ I sighed, not wanting him to be able to envision me trapped like this.

When Dad returned almost an hour later, it was with a sickening smirk as he held himself over me, "I've been thinking, Danny, at how you're mine. Aren't you?" I nodded my head to plead with him, "So, I thought how haven't I used you? What can I do to break you in every single way? I want you to be worthless to anyone you ever want to be with. Humiliated." a young girl, who seemed far too immature to be clotheless, entered the room and approached my naked form, hoisting her frame over my lap. My dad laughed, "So I've got someone for you to have fun with. For you to use what's left of you and penetrate her...and I'll watch." he spat, seemingly agitated at his boredom.

He did. His eyes scanned us and the girl gently ran her hands over my length, making my dick rise enough for her to lift herself down onto it. I whimpered, looking away and she took the chance to lean into my ear, "I'm sorry," she began, "But you'd do it if you were me. You don't understand how much he's paying and how much I need it." she bounced her young body over me, thrusting her hips along me.

"How old are you?" I whispered, my lips raw and my face wet from salt.

"I'm seventeen. I'm surprised that bastard didn't go for someone _just_ over the legal age." she spat. After a while her breathing become ragged, "Fuck. I'm close." she loudly stated.

"Finish yourself off and then be on your way. Your pay is by the door." Dad snarled. I felt her body tense around me before she slid me out of her, myself miles away from orgasm. She left, scuttling away with rosy cheeks and watery eyes. I swallowed, wishing I didn't exist so she didn't have to endure that. Dad groaned with a slight hint of amusement to his voice, "Gay, huh?" he smirked, looking down at my still only semi-erect dick. His statement was correct but for the wrong reasons. It would take hours to get me to orgasm while causing not only my own body harm, but pain to another person's, too. I hoped to God she'd not get herself pregnant.

Dad taped my waist to the radiator before turning the system on. I furrowed my eyebrows, pondering over his decision as we hadn't had the heating on for almost a decade. He spat, "Enjoy the burns." before turning away and leaving the room. It was soon after, when the metal began nipping at my hairs, I realised what he was doing. I screamed as much as I could with my throat raw, but the doors were thick enough to seal sound from the rest of the house, let alone to the street where I might begin to foster the chance of aid.

It was when my phone vibrated that I desperately clambered towards it, the sound of burning skin against the radiator clanging with each forwards thrust to get my toe to the mobile situated by my pillow. I managed to skim it towards me slightly, but every jolt I made forwards caused my back to lash into the burning surface behind me. I fucked holding my tears in and felt them cascade down my cheeks in a mix between exhaustion, pain, and desperation. Yet, I kept going. I yanked and tore until I got my phone close enough to me so that the next time it rang, I could use my toe to beckon Phil.

More water ran down my face when the device shook again, my foot scrambling to answer the call and when I succeeded, I screamed out, "Phil, oh God, come over...fucking, please. Christ, be careful-"

"Dan?" his voice was terrified.

"What?!" I yelled, my throat hoarse and strained.

"What's going on, do I need to call the police?!" I heard a weakness in his voice, too.

"No, oh fuck, please don't." I pleaded desperately, "Just, come over and bring something to defend yourself with." I heard him rustle around through his microphone, feeling the guilt crawl up me as I realised the danger I could be putting him in.

He sighed, "I'm coming." sounding tired of the endless torture I was being put through.

The next time I heard him it was his footsteps up the steps, before the door flung open. I felt disgusting, looking away and holding my eye contact anywhere but towards him. Phil didn't speak, instead he approached me, ripping the tape around my waist and wrists, catching his skin on the radiator and wincing. He stepped back, swallowing as he gently spoke, "I'm looking away, don't worry."

I thanked him in my head, tearing the tape around my arse and tugging the plug out of my body, feeling the mixture of bodily fluids run down my naked body. I cried, my face scrunching up as my stomach twisted in both pain and guilt. Phil was throwing my clothes over to me, my arms desperately clawing the fabric over my limbs as I pulled myself up the wall. I instantly felt Phil at my hip, using his support to usher me out of my room. Somehow he held me and my rucksack over one arm, and my beloved keyboard under the other.

I left that building and all the pain that came with it, with Phil supporting each step, but I was broken.  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	15. XIV

_**Philip Lester** _   
_**Monday 26th October (continued...)** _

I'd pictured in my mind what I could have been confronted with when I swarmed into Dan's bedroom, and the only image that was worse was one with his flesh dismantled. What I could never, and will never be able to, imagine again is the look on his eyes as he stared away from me, but I could still see it reflect out of him and echo across his body: he was in more pain than I'd ever experience in my life, and he was used and manhandled worse than a pig to slaughter, yet his glare still reached out to tell me he felt disgraced and humiliated. It was the way his eyes sank over his cheeks and his lips curled downwards at the ends which let me know he was begging me to help him escape, but he'd prefer to be burnt alive, strapped there, over me being able to see him in this way. He was embarrassed.

So, I dragged myself towards him and tore him away, catching my hand only briefly against the burning metal he was tied against, before throwing him his modesty in the form of torn and frayed clothing. I gathered his minimal packed items as I wondered to myself whether this was all he owned, or all he wanted to bring. I then picked him up, supporting him as he stumbled out of the building and leading him to our home.

I'm ashamed because I didn't want to look at him. I know it worked in favour for himself as he felt degraded beyond humanity, but that wasn't why I didn't steal a glance at him as he limped along the pavement. I didn't set my eyes on his shamed figure because he looked...foul. His hair was matted and he stank of fluids I couldn't differentiate. His skin was oily and wet from the tears that ran down him. The worse of them all was the stench of burnt flesh.

I pulled him up the stairs into my house and into the bathroom, locking the door behind us. He began to rip his clothing off, his movements limited by the pain along his back, so I ran my hands over the fabric and helped him undress himself, guiding him into the shower as I ran freezing water along his wounds.

We continued in silence. He took the showerhead from me after about ten minutes, his eyes widened at me, begging for something again, so I looked away hoping that's what he wanted. I only turned back once I'd heard the click of it returning into its holster.

I worried for a second, hoping we hadn't just erased all of the evidence of his abuse from his skin, but then realised this had likely been going on for years. He'd have sought help from authorities if he'd wanted to by now.

He stood before me, his shoulders hunched and his forearms crossed against his chest. I gazed at his Marking, soaking up every beautiful line before I managed to part my lips, "Let me go upstairs to get you some clothes." I allowed myself to show him a small, apologetic smile, before hurrying to my room and pulling out a pair of joggers, underwear and a loose t-shirt. I returned to the bathroom to see him standing exactly as I left him; a sheet of emptiness spread over his gaze. I pursed my lips, passing the clothes to him. He took them, peeling them over himself before stepping towards me slightly. I unlocked the door, deciding between the living room or my bedroom before heaving myself up the stairs and hoping Dan was following me. I glanced back to see that he was, despite the struggle. I perched myself on my double bed and lifted my legs up in front of me, allowing Dan to position himself where he felt best.

He took himself around the other side of the furniture, placing his body beside me and looking into my stare expectantly. I raised an arm, him taking the invitation to rest his head onto my lap. I perched my arm over his shoulders, knowing that he needed to get to the hospital but his wellbeing came well before that. My fingers danced between his washed curls as we both lied there, our bodies motionless apart from my soothing touch.

His back rose and fell with every breath he took.

I swallowed the dryness in my mouth, "I need you to talk to me, Dan."

I felt his head shake against my lap, "I don't know where to begin." his voice was fragile and afraid.

"My dad's downstairs and he can deal with burns, do you mind if I fetch him?" my voice was calm although it was forced to be through trauma rather than peace.

"Please don't leave me." Dan begged in the same tone.

I nodded in response, pulling my phone out of my pocket and dialling for my dad. I sighed, "Hey, Dad?"

"Phil?" he seemed confused, "Aren't you upstairs?"

"Yeah. I'm with Dan, can you come to my room with whatever you need to treat bad burns?" I looked upwards to stop the tears dripping from my eyes, "And can you bring a glass of water, too?"

"Okay." I could sense the puzzle in his speech, but I'm sure he understood now was not the time to question it.

I heard his footsteps make their way up the steps before my bedroom door was gently pushed open. He looked between Dan and me, the glass of water hovering in front of him and a box in another.

We stayed silent for a moment before I reached for Dan's top, "Can I help you take this off?" I asked. He nodded, lifting his arms up as he sat up slightly, then rolling onto his front so the burn was exposed.

It was awful. It could have been worse but to see him damaged like that turned my heart inside out. I heard my dad gasp slightly, but probably more out of disbelief and confusion than concern. He sat beside Dan, tending to the blistered skin as I comforted my soulmate.

Dad finished up by dressing the burn, telling Dan he could sit up now, but he didn't, instead he rolled onto his side and pulled his knees up to his chest slightly.

I nodded, "Thanks, Dad."

"Call me or your mum if you two need anything." he spoke with certainty, making his way out of the bedroom.

About half an hour later, Dan began to move his lips, "He sexually abuses me. He has done ever since Mum left. I just...dealt with it. I'd keep my mouth shut and focus on school. When I wasn't at school I was wandering the streets, causing trouble there, or coming home to tidy the place up and get fucked." he sat up, wriggling himself towards me as he leant his head on my shoulder, his legs pushed off to his right. I stroked my hand along his right arm, resting my own head on top of his, "I've never told anyone. Nobody ever asked. I was just the town nuisance. It worked well for me as nobody would want to talk to me, until I left school and couldn't get a job to save me from that fucking pit. Then...you. You're amazing, you know?" he sighed, "What am I going to do?"

"Here." I spoke, passing him the glass of water for him to drink it, "You're going to stay here with me. I'm going to do whatever I can to help you, when you want it, and my family and I will keep you safe."

"You're comfortable." I looked down at him and saw his lips smile, and mine did too.

"Do you want any food?" I asked.

"Is it lunchtime already?"

"No, but are you hungry?" I asked.

"I can...I can have food that's not at mealtime?" he stumbled over the words.

"What's mealtime to you?"

"Twelve o'clock. It's been that since school."

"What about breakfast and dinner?"

Dan laughed, "I'd forgotten those existed."

That was the sentence that pulled my heart away. I turned my head so that my forehead rested against him, "Dan?"

"Yeah?" he nervously responded.

"You deserve absolutely everything. You can have whatever you want, okay?"

"Thank you."

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah...do you have beans?"

"Probably. Dan?"

"Yeah?"

I chuckled, "I was thinking something more along the lines of a sandwich?"

"Oh..." he slipped through his lips, "Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I've ever had my own sandwich."

"Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"When was the last time you ate?"

"About three days ago, why?"

I stood up, holding his hand as I did so and moving him out of my bedroom and down to the kitchen. I stood behind him, feeling an undeniable urge to wrap my arms around his waist, so I did so, as I talked into his ear, "You can have whatever you want to eat from in here. Okay?"

"There's no bag, though." he scrunched his eyebrows as he turned to look at me.

"Bag?"

"With the food in."

"Dan, all our food is in the cupboards and the fridge."

"Your fridge works?!" his grin was incredible.

"Yeah." I looked down, unable to hide the tears that were falling from my eyes. Dad took a sharp breath in, fully turning around and wiping my face with his thumbs on both sides.

Yeah, I wanted to kiss him. I had no clue on where to begin with what's appropriate after what he'd been through, though.

I didn't need to think. I watched his eyes light up as they scanned mine, the grin remaining spread across his cheeks as his hands held my face. He pulled me towards him, our lips grazing before I held his waist and hugged him against me. I closed my eyes, my heart pounding against my chest as I felt our mouths press together and moved in unison.

I pulled away, my eyes fluttering open as his remained closed. I buried my chin into his shoulder as he gasped into my ear, "Do you have pancakes? I've always wanted to try a pancake."

I laughed fondly, "You can have every fucking pancake in the world."

And I meant it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	16. XV

**_Daniel Howell_ **   
**_Monday 26th October (continued...)_ **

I held the syrupy mass against my lips as I chewed on my fifth pancake, enjoying each one more and more. I flinched, turning around when I heard Phil's mum enter the kitchen, "I thought I smelt pancakes." Kath chuckled, "What's going on?"

"Dan hadn't had them before." Phil shrugged, smiling fondly towards me. My face heated under his gaze. He nudged his head towards Kath, and I nodded, "Mum, can I talk to you for a moment in the other room?" she smiled, agreeing as Phil led her away.

I don't know how much Phil said, nor did I want to. I trusted him and as long as she didn't pry at me, he could tell her all he wanted to. They entered again ten minutes later, both puffy-eyed, but his mum more so. She reached over and hugged me briefly, keeping a distance to noticeable avoid my burn, rubbing a hand over my shoulder as she pulled away, "You're welcome here, okay, Dan? You deserve to be safe. You deserve to be loved. You can eat what you want and do what you want. This is your home."

I placed my fork down on the plate after finishing my last bite, looking over to Phil as to ask him to come over. He did, so I leant my head into his arm. I smiled at Kath, "Thank you. I'm supposed to be going to work now-"

"God, Dan, that's-" Phil began.

"No. No...I want to. It feels normal." I spoke, standing up.

Phil sighed, "Okay, but can I come with you? I might actually read the books I bought a while ago." he grinned lob-sidedly. I agreed, letting him dress himself properly before he followed me out of the door.

We stood outside his house with my eyes peering down the street, my spine sending shivers to my neck as I watched expectantly. Phil tugged gently on my elbow, "We can go the long way round." he kindly spoke.

My phone rang in my pocket, I furrowed my eyebrows, answering the call to my boss, "Dan, where the hell are you?!" his shouts made my mind hazy and my arms ache.

"I'm coming down now...why are you calling?" I mumbled nervously.

"You're an hour late!" he exacerbated, my hand flying away from my face as I checked the time on the device. Surely enough, I was an hour behind as the digital device displayed "10:00".

"David...I can explain!" I begged, my face painfully looking towards Phil as he stood wide-eyed and pitiful.

"Daniel, save it. It's your second week and you've done this twice. Chris and I are both in, so don't bother. I'm sorry Howell, but I have to dismiss you." he sighed, and for a moment I believe he might genuinely be disheartened. I whimpered, waiting on what else he had to say. He coughed for a second, turning his attention back to me down the phone line, "I'll give you a good reference. Find a new employer soon enough and you can say you quit because you had an out-of-work and personal disagreement with another co-worker and deemed it unprofessional to continue working there. Alright? You're not a bad kid, you're just a mess."

I gulped, nodding my head to myself, "Thanks anyway, David."

"Dan?" he spoke suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"Feel free to pop in for your free books anytime. Got it? I think you're getting more use out of them than anyone else would."

I chuckled, genuinely happy with the outcome, "Alright, thanks."

"See you around."

"Bye."

I heard the tone of him hanging up, but I kept my phone to my ear for a moment before letting it fall back into my pocket. I turned to Phil, displaying a worn smile as I shrugged a shoulder, "That sucks." I spoke to myself. He approached me, throwing a loose arm over my shoulders as he rested his forehead to the side.

I listened to his breathing as he held himself there for a moment, "Fired?"

"Yeah." I confirmed, nudging my face into his neck.

"Let's go rest. How does shopping before dinner sound?"

"Like charity." I admitted truthfully.

"Then it's the best charity I'll ever offer. Honestly, Dan? We'll find you a hobby and you should just enjoy whatever time you have to discover what you like to do and who you want to be. You've got a safe roof and you don't need to scramble for money anymore." I continued to focus in on his breathing which was making subtle sounds as it dispersed through his nose. I held my attention there until the tears that trickled down my face suddenly burst into uncontrollable sobs. He gasped, wrapping his arms around my own properly, lending me a shoulder to cry on.

None of it made any fucking sense and it was all so foreign and bizarre to me that I was afraid to tread anywhere near its surface. I had no idea what I was fearful of, but I'd grasped possibilities out of the air and had no clue whether I believed everything could fall through any second, or that what I'd been going through hadn't truly ended yet. But, Phil held me in a way that demanded me to relax and to trust in him, even if I knew it was all some kind of façade to trick me into submission. I wanted to care less and to allow him to take control over me, at least if it was with violent intent it was unfamiliar and different to what I'd spent the last decade surviving through.

I scraped my tears away from my face with my palms as I stared into Phil's eyes, a look of overwhelming desire filling them. I smiled, wanting to tell him to take me and use me however he fucking wanted because life couldn't be any more shit than it had been and at least Phil deserved whatever this could be. I moved my hands behind his neck and pulled his lips towards mine, meeting him halfway as he surrendered into the kiss. I cowered away after a while, whispering into his ear, "I don't know, nor do I care what you want with me. Just, do whatever, use me however." I urged, running my fingernails over his nape.

He pulled away, his eyes holding my stare with an intensity I'd never forget. His voice was stern and meaningful, "Whatever I want with you I will be honest with and ask you a million times before I do. You are not my object to toy with, Dan, you are your own wonderful person and the only thing I could ask for right now is that you feel safe and can trust me. I don't mind if that's tomorrow or in ten years because I'll wait. You're worth it."

"Please..." I cried, "Don't lie to me, Phil. No human is this pure and truthful. You can't just give and _give_ , you'll run out. I don't care what you want: sex, someone to show off? I _don't fucking care_ because I want to give that to you. I'm more scared at why I feel that way but I do and...I don't care. Break me if you must. I don't care." I chuckled quietly, looking downwards at his chest.

"I can keep giving because respect and admiration will never run out. It's not an item. Love is not a commodity that can be broken into pieces and shared out because it's endless, Dan." the words spilt out from his lips only centimetres away from mine and I restrained the urge to restrict the sounds falling away.

I stared down at his stuttering mouth, the way it was positioned in a manner that showed no form of dishonesty or amusement. I couldn't restrain my eyes, "If love is no product then how am I so broken without it?" I laughed to myself, "That's almost a lie: I became lost without it when I realised what I was missing. You're beginning to make me feel like I deserve it." I uttered sincerely.

"God, Dan...I've been trying to tell you that you are owed more of it than I can offer you, I don't know how you've missed the basic line that you _might_ deserve it."

"Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"Prove it." I asked. He didn't wait a second longer to kiss me again, his hands holding me on my hips as mine wrapped around his body.

He parted our lips to form a gap small enough to talk through, "I feel like I owe it to you to tell you love isn't just physical."

"I believe you, Phil, but fucking hell do I want to give you myself like this."

"As long as you know." he groaned, pushing his lips against mine once again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	17. XVI

_**Philip Lester** _   
_**Monday 26th October (continued...)** _

It was me who managed to drag our faces away from one another's to pull us back into our home. It all felt too sudden, too fantastical, but I decided to let us dance in this freedom before reality smothered us again. Something was going to go wrong and something had to happen to tangle this perfection we were holding, but for now, it wasn't there, so I wasn't going to let it destroy Dan nor me while we waited for it.

I shut the wooden door behind us, holding my arm around Dan's waist as we entered the living room. Mum turned around, furrowing her eyebrows at our entry. I gave a pitiful smile, shrugging a shoulder as I pulled Dan onto a sofa with me. Mum gave a small hum as she put her book down, turning her attention towards us, "What's brought you two back?"

"I was fired." Dan plainly said, running his palm over his hair.

"Oh," Mum sighed, "Can I ask why?"

"I was very late. Twice. I was hired two weeks ago." my mum and I were silent as he groaned, "My father couldn't have just left it once I walked out the house, could he? How fucking long will it be for him to stop shitting on my life, even without him being here on a daily basis?!" he began to shout, so I placed a comforting hand on his forearm.

I looked up at him, trying to catch his eye, "It's only been one morning-"

"But it'll be more than that! Eleven years of being fucking tortured don't go under the rug...not after a day, not after a week, not after a year. It will never go away. I never had a fucking parent!" he stood up, his arms flailing by his sides as he began to pace, "What am I supposed to do?! Nobody will fucking hire me, I'm not fucking working towards anything. It's all bullshit!" his eyes were staring intensely into mine as his mind scrambled itself in desperation. I stood up, walking towards him, conscious of my mother only a few meters away from us. I pressed both of my hands on his shoulders and looked at him face-on. His lip trembled when he found my gaze, his eyes begging to be found.

I swallowed before being able to speak, my brain trusting my heart to talk, "You've survived eleven years. You're not giving up now, not when I've only just found you. I'm so fucking sorry I wasn't here five years ago. Give yourself time and you'll figure everything out, and I'll be here during every moment..."

"I want to believe you..." his voice cracked and I found water building up around his eyelids, "I really do."

"You don't have to believe me, not yet. Not until you're ready to trust me. For now, you have a safe roof over your head and food on the table. So tell me, will that do?" I asked, my voice low and concerned. He gulped, his head beginning to nod before he broke into sobs. I gasped, moving my arms around his waist and pulling him into my embrace.

"Oh, Dan..." my mum spoke kindly, walking up to us and running a hand along his shoulder blades, "Is there anything I can do?" he didn't answer through his cries, instead burying his forehead into my shoulder to hide himself. I found myself sniffing my coconut shampoo in his hair, running my nose slightly along the scent.

He chuckled, pulling away, "Are you sniffing me?" he wiped his fist over his nose, letting out a small grin. My face painted itself red on the tips of my cheeks and he held a look in his eyes I became entranced in. I felt my body relax but my blood pound across me.

"I'm going to go shopping, boys. You used all the milk for pancakes and I was hoping to make toad in the hole tonight." Mum grinned, turning away from us as she walked into the hallway to pick up her bag.

"What shop are you going to?" I called out.

"Just the local one, how come?"

"Do you mind taking me and Dan across town later? I'm taking him shopping."

"I can do that! I don't have work today." she winked in the doorway as I mouthed a thank you towards her, and she left the house.

"You're still up for shopping?" I questioned Dan.

"Of course." he nodded, still lost in my complexion. I saw his gaze and a small groan escaped my lips. He raised his eyebrows before a smirk crept into the corner of his mouth and we pressed our lips against each other. The way our smiles connected and our kiss moved with elegance confirmed to me in my mind that I would never get tired of tasting him. He shot out a short gasp before quickly sliding his arms around my head to pull me closer, his tongue brushing against my upper lip as he breathed.

We held ourselves in the caress for a few more moments before I pulled away to catch my breath. I could hear Dan's broken gasps, convinced he needed the rest as well, although I wasn't sure he would have taken one. I held our noses together as he chuckled.

"What?" I giggled, infatuated by him.

"You're going to think I'm a right idiot," he mused, pulling his neck backwards to drown in my eyes, "I was-" he snickered again, "I was wondering if...people learn to hold their breath for longer...when, you know, like people learn to breathe more effectively for sport."

I chuckled at his insight, talking against the corner of his mouth, "We'll find out." I hummed, kissing the spot I spoke into. He turned us around slightly so he could guide me into the sofa, my arm pressing against the fabric to lower my weight safely. He pulled himself onto my lap, skillfully not removing our lips as he did so. He groaned, running his hands along my chest as he bruised our mouths.

I wrapped my arms around his back, pulling him closer into my body when he winced loudly. I gasped, "Shit! I'm so sorry, I forgot about-"

He chortled, lifting his chin up and _smiled_ like I'd never seen joy before, "Don't worry. I think it was a perfectly good excuse to forget about the burn. Partially my fault, too."

"Exactly, shouldn't be so alluring." I murmured playfully. He winked, scooping his legs over my left side so he was cradled against my body instead of straddling me. His head rested in the crevice of my neck, my fingertips smoothly trifling with his hair. I listened to his lullaby of breathing, whispering aloud, "Dan?"

"Mm?" his head remained relaxed into me.

"I think I love you."

He shuffled away from me and I regretted my words, believing I'd stepped too far too soon. But, when I turned to him to apologise, he was lifting his t-shirt over his head and discarding it onto the floor beneath us. He threw his left leg back over me, sitting forwards on my lap as he grasped my hands and led them to his chest. He guided my fingers over his Marking, his eyes flickering shut as he softened under my touch.

His lips moved gently, "This pigment should give you nothing to 'think' about." he seductively uttered, "I always feared my Marking. I thought it would be a curse and would tie me down and imprison me. But being here, with you, I forget it exists. I don't even realise it's printed against me because I'm more aware of how you make my heart clench than I am about a pretty bruise against me." I took his arms and ran my fingers against the lines of Marking that existed either side. He buckled under the touch, his body sinking into mine as he curled back into me. He was honestly the most beautiful and gentle person I'd ever met, and I don't think I'd meet anyone like him again.

He chuckled, so I dropped his arms to our sides and sent him a puzzled glare, "What?" I nervously giggled.

"You saw me naked." he shrugged, smirking slightly.

"What? I know I did, when I helped you shower earlier!" I whined, "Why are you laughing?!"

"Surely seeing your soulmate naked for the first time should be a bit more romantic than dealing with his abuse." he muttered light-heartedly.

"I didn't look!" I squealed.

"Look at what?" he hummed, biting his lips between his teeth.

I sighed, "Daniel Howell, I didn't look at your dick. Happy now?"

"No." he whined, "You just ruined my fun."

"I'm sorry-!" I playfully mocked, "Guess I'll have to see you naked again if you really want it to be special."

"Smooth, Lester."

I wasn't sure how to respond, so I remained still and nibbling on my lower lip. He sighed frustratedly, "Kiss me."

"Okay." I hastily agreed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	18. XVII

_**Daniel Howell**_  
 _ **Monday 26th October**_ **_(continued...)_**

I scrambled off of Phil when we heard the front door unlock, following the jingle of keys. He snorted in laughter, my elbow jabbing his side. Kath entered with two plastic bags in either hand, kicking the door shut behind her as she dumped them in the hallway. Phil gave her a puzzled look, "How long were you gone?"

"Uh..." she glanced at the clock above the fireplace, "Almost half an hour, why?" Phil and I both choked, realising we'd spent almost twenty minutes swallowing each other. She mumbled, "You know what, I don't think I want to know." before dragging the bags into the kitchen counter.

"Kath?" I called out.

"Yes, Dan?"

"Are we really eating toad for dinner?" I questioned. Phil began howling beside me, choking on his own saliva, "What?!" I whined, pouting in confusion.

"Oh, Dan..." Kath sighed, her head peering around the corner, "It's just called that, it's sausage really."

"Oh..." I mumbled, looking at Phil in collapse.

"You're so precious." he hummed, fixing my fringe over my left eye.

I felt massively overwhelmed, but I was managing not to display the onslaught of emotion. I don't think Phil realised I hadn't laughed since, well...I couldn't remember. Now, here I was, coughing up happiness like I was the richest guy in the world. It was foreign and definitely a shock to me. I was discovering my personality beyond the distrustful and damaged kid I was known as, and I think I liked it. There were few occasions before the era of Phil where I'd managed to glimpse at my true self, and those were when I was alone being creative in one way or another, therefore nobody else received the opportunity to know who I could have been if I was freed from my household. I suddenly felt as though I was taking all the glee for granted; prepared to have it snatched away from me at any moment.

"You alright?" Phil asked me. I nodded, knowing that wasn't the whole truth but it was good enough for me.

Kath came into the lounge, picking her keys up again and flashing us a smile, "Ready for me to drop you off in town?"

"Yep!" Phil confirmed, eyeing me to make sure I agreed. I stood up, smiling as I let him lead me out of the house.

I fiddled with my thumbs in my lap, "We're going to the main town, right? Like...away from here?"

"I was hoping so." Phil spoke.

"That's where I was driving you!" Kath chuckled, "So I'm glad that's confirmed."

"Cool." I swallowed, pursing my lips and looking away from the two of them. Phil didn't say anything, but I could tell he wanted to address my inhabitance in a neighbourhood which hated me. I'd talk about it another time.

Phil opened the car door for me before walking around to the other side and we closed our doors in unison. He buckled his seatbelt as I sat hunched-over and crossed-legged on the seat. He groaned, stretching over to my side and peeling the belt over me.

"Phil!" I whined, swatting him away.

"You're wearing your seatbelt." he demanded. I chuckled, giving in but sitting there frustratedly.

It was almost a thirty-minute drive before we pulled up, Kath wishing us luck as we walked away from her car. I waved back, giving a small smile as I did so, feeling Phil's gentle faze against my face. I turned to him, my heart thumping against my chest.

"Where do you want to go first?" he asked me.

"Wha-" I began, puzzled, "Phil...you can't ask me where I want to go because I don't _know_ where I want to go. I think the last time I shopped for first-hand was ten years ago. These ripped jeans," I lifted my leg to show him, "These aren't meant to be like that! In fact, I think I got these three years ago, but tore knee holes so they'd fit for longer..." I chuckled, finding my situation amusing. Phil looked at me with his mouth slightly agape. I groaned, "Oh, come on! It could have been worse." I shrugged.

He placed a palm against my shoulder, walking us into the shopping centre. He hummed, "Well, I've never been here before, since I moved less than a month ago, so...guess we'll wander." I nodded in response, my eyes dancing around the liveliness of the area. My eyes fell into one of the store's displays as we walked past, becoming absorbed in some of the outfits. Phil giggled, "Want to have a look? You can just say." I pinched my lips and nodded as though I was doing something wrong.

We stepped into the store and I saw prices listed everywhere, letting out a sharp breath at the price attached to the t-shirt I liked the look of, "Phil-"

"Okay. Dan, you're going to have to put money behind you, alright? I'll tell you if something's too much, but trust me, okay?" he sternly spoke. I nodded as he walked me to the top I was admiring, "Is this the one?"

"Yeah..." I carefully agreed.

"Dan, it's eight quid."

"I know, I-" I began rambling, but he smiled at me, so I stopped.

"Dan, this is New Look, not much is expensive here. This shirt is even on sale, for God's sake!" he cried out in amusement, "You know what, I think you'd find it easier if I just gave you a price limit. I wasn't sure if that would be right at first, but...I think it'd be easier for you so you know eight fucking pounds isn't supposed to be expensive." I fearfully looked at him as he smiled at me, "Three-hundred pounds, go nuts." he shrugged. I made a small, inhuman sound at the amount. He started checking the sizes on the item of clothing, "I've been living with my parents for free and working for six years, okay? I'd give you three-hundred even if that's all I had." he turned back to me with the top slung over his arm, pulling me into a hug as he saw tears fall from my eyes. He whispered at a volume I wasn't sure if he was even talking to me, "I can't imagine what you've been through. I think if I sat down with a book on your life I still wouldn't be able to..." he continued talking but what he said became stuck in my mind. The idea of writing down my story actually sounded quite appealing. I always loved English at school, in fact I was almost top of the class, especially with creative writing, so how difficult could it be?

"That's it," I spoke, "I want to write down my life. Everything I've been through..."

"What?" Phil stopped talking and looked at me with confusion spread across his face.

"You said how you don't think you could imagine my life even if you read it in a book. I want to write that book."

"...Alright." Phil nodded, taken aback by my spontaneousness.

"Not now, of course, and maybe not for a while. But then again, I can't just sit at home doing nothing as I drown in my memories." He hummed, a pleased smile against his lips. I clenched my eyebrows, "What?"

"Home." he grinned.

I searched his mind for what he meant, my face relaxing in shock once I discovered it, "Oh, Phil...I'm sorry I didn't mean to call your place-" he briefly pecked his lips against mine before turning away.

He sighed happily, knocking into me, "It is your home, if you want it to be."

"I think home is where you are."

"Even if I'm on the moon?"

"Even...what the fuck? No, not even if you were on the moon I'm pretty content with living on Earth."

He giggled, his teeth showing beneath his smile as he walked me farther into the shop. He hummed, "Do you even know what sizes you are?"

"My t-shirt size is large, but you've already guessed that, trouser size...no clue." I admitted. He groaned, so I squealed, "What?!"

"Trouser shopping is the worst!" Phil complained.

"You offered." I shrugged.

He chuckled, "I'm joking... slightly. Find a pair you like and we'll work it out."

***

We took a seat in the cafe that was situated inside the shopping centre, placing the abundance of bags beside us. Phil pulled out his phone, dialling his mum as he let it ring out, "Hey, are you able to pick us up soon?" I couldn't hear Kath on the other end of the line, but I saw the smile on Phil's face as he nodded towards me, "Alright, perfect, thank you!" he placed his phone back into his pocket, "She'll be here in half an hour."

"Awesome." I spoke.

"Want a drink and a cake?" he asked, standing up and stepping over the clothes.

I nodded, "Whatever you're having sounds good." he smiled, walking to the counter as I peered into the range of plastic and paper bags. It was overwhelming how much he allowed me to buy, and I didn't even reach the three-hundred pounds he offered. I couldn't take that much from him, even if he persisted. I moved the items around and saw the paw of a stuffed animal peak through, chuckling to myself.

About halfway through our shopping trip, my eyes became caught in a shop that looked as though it had hundreds of skinned teddy bears hung by their necks from hooks. I saw a young child, followed by someone I assumed was their teenage sibling, both carrying stuffed toys dressed in their own clothes. I grinned, not realising Phil had walked off and had to turn back to come and collect me. He glanced in the direction I was staring in, chuckling to himself as he took my hand and dragged me towards the shop.

I squealed quietly, "Phil! What...no! I'm eighteen!"

"And? You've got to have the _Build-a-Bear_ experience. Especially if you're with me." he pressured. I groaned playfully, actually very pleased he persisted.

"Okay, I'm just going to pick one of the skinned creatures up and adore that one otherwise I'll get attached to them all." I spoke firmly. Phil giggled, fussing over the fluffy toys as to pick the perfect one.   
He looked up at me five minutes later, my eyes still scanning over the teddies. He sighed, picking up an adorable brown one and passing it to me.

I hummed, "Why this one?" as I held it to my chest and began brushing my fingertips along the soft cotton.

"Mine's blue, yours is brown. It matches our eyes." he shrugged a shoulder, leading us to a big box full of stuffing. My mouth was slightly agape and pulled up at the sides as I stared at him.

"Well, then, I guess you have to find one that's a multicolour of blue, yellow, green and grey." I spoke, raising my eyebrows with a smirk. He chuckled, looking away from my stare. I crept my chin over his shoulder as I whispered into his ear, "I think I love you, Phil Lester."

***

"What are you smiling at?" he asked as he passed me some sort of milkshake.

"You." I replied honestly, the two teddies now sitting on top of the pile of clothes in the bag. He nudged a blueberry muffin towards me, my fingers pinching off bites at a time as we waited for Kath in the cafe.  
  
  
  
  


~


	19. XVIII

_**Philip Lester** _   
_**Monday 26th October (continued...)** _

Dan, my parents, and I sat around the table with our meals. I'd dumped the clothes in my bedroom once we arrived home as Mum had prepared dinner for it to be ready when we returned home, much to Dan's dismay who wanted to take up my mum's offer on showing her all his clothes.

"Did you have a good time, though?" Mum asked with a smile across her face.

"We did." I confirmed, gazing at a blushing Dan, "Although he still wouldn't spend as much as I told him to." I admitted as he pouted, stuffing his face with a mouthful of Yorkshire pudding.

"All in good time, Phil. Soon he'll be emptying your pocket." Dad winked.

"No, I will not!" Dan squealed. I could tell Mum kicked my dad beneath the table.

"Mum, Dad?" I asked.

"Yeah?" they both responded.

"Did you expect me to be in an equal pair?" I truthfully pondered, thinking about myself.

"Dan's your soulmate?" Dad asked, "Thanks for the update." he shot a playful look at Mum.

"I was expecting him to have told you!" she whined, "It's your fault, Phil." she blamed, "But, honestly, we didn't care what gender your soulmate was so we didn't think about it. At least, I didn't-"

"Yeah, I did." Dad responded, "And that's not to be offensive either. You're like me and I figured out my soulmate was male. It's just, I could barely remember his face let alone find him." he shrugged, "I don't regret losing him, though." he winked at me, then turned to my mum with a smile.

"Gross." I playfully remarked.

"Says you. I didn't make out on the sofa for twenty minutes." Dad scoffed.

Dan lost grip of his fork and stared at me, my cheeks heating up.

"So _that's_ what you were doing while I was out! I thought you'd been-"

"Mum!" I interrupted, "Oh my God, you two, leave Dan and me alone." I chuckled, checking Dan was alright, but he only seemed amused.

We finished up our plates of food and Dan began to speak, "Um...thanks for the meal. And, you know...everything." he feebly smiled.

"Hey..." Mum began in a reassuring tone, "It's our pleasure and it's nothing you shouldn't expect from us." she admitted truthfully.

"Thank you." Dan said again, shifting awkwardly on the spot.

Mum changed the subject for him, "Should we watch a film?" she offered. Dan's face lit up and my heart jumped for him at his adorable expression.

"Can we?" Dan asked me.

I scrunched my forehead up, "Of course we can, you don't need to ask me for permission with anything."

We sat beside each other on one sofa, my parents huddled up on the other. Dan looked at me hopefully, so I lifted an arm and invited him against my body. He took the offer and I rested my head into his shoulder.

We were based on a reasonably busy road. There were houses on one side and a bush protecting the lands belonging to a large community building on the other. The park was down one end and the other split off into more housed roads. So, we got some traffic and pedestrians. It was the way Dan looked fearfully up at every person that passed our window that made me pull him tighter into my body. His entire form would turn around and I would feel his pulse race across his back for a continuous five minutes after. The more the night drew in, the worse his flinches would get. His foot ended up drumming against the floor and his fingertips tangled the neck of my t-shirt. The film ended and I sighed, turning towards him and facing away from my sleeping parents, "Want to go up to my room?" I offered, hoping he would be calmer away from the view of the street.

His body lurched forwards and his arms tensed, his eyes strained away from me, "I-is that what you want?" he questioned, his voice shaky from adrenaline pumping across his body all evening.

I pinched my lips and looked cautiously at him, "Only if you want to...?" I was trying to analyse his expression but found it to be more of a challenge to do than a crossword on the back of a newspaper.

"Phil-" he cut, "I...I do, but...I don't think I'm...r-ready. Not tonight, not after-" he stumbled and stuttered, his hands darting his fingertips around in his lap.

I gulped, realising what he thought I was doing, trying to divert him away from his mindset, "I mean, I could get my laptop out and we could watch something on there until you're tired. Then we'll...sleep." I felt as though I was treading on glass as to not concern him.

"Okay." his voice was weak and strained. I sighed in pity, believing I'd worked my way around his brain. I took his hand, leading his quivering body up the stairs by my side. I bounced myself onto my bed, peeling my jumper off as I discarded it to the side and picked up my laptop. Dan perched beside me, kneeling on his feet. I eyed him suspiciously, deciding not to question him. I opened a file, "I have a few downloaded films, although don't think I did it wrongly, I also have the CDs! I just copied them onto my laptop for ease..." I squealed, "Anyway, what do you want to watch?"

"Whatever you want to." he spoke in an unrecognisable tone. I shifted uncomfortably in his presence, selecting _Shrek_ hoping it would cut the tension. The _DreamWorks_ intro began and I rested my back against my pillow, watching Dan as his head tilted to the side.

He shuffled slightly, "What's...this?"

"Shrek." I spoke, my eyes cautiously burning into the back of his head.

"Oh..." Dan hummed, "Oh." he said again with a bit more emotion to his voice. He fell off of his feet and crossed his legs in front of him, still sitting as far as reasonably possible away from me.

"Dan...?" I began, "What did you think..." I wasn't sure how to finish my sentence and I chose not to as I saw him uncomfortably shift on his side of the bed.

"I-" his voice cracked. I took in a sharp breath and went to wrap my arm around him, drawing the gesture back when he flinched at turned at me. He flailed his hands up in defence, his eyes clenched shut, "I thought you meant some kind of perverted film okay, I-" his voice squeaked and tears began to build up around his eyes, but a small chuckle passed through his throat.

"Dan..." I spoke heavily, "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to lead you to believe that..."

"God, _no_ , Phil. It's my fucking fault." the film was inappropriately singing in the background. He turned around to face me, water outlining his cheeks. He shuffled slightly towards me, then pushed his lips against mine, but my eyes remained open and my face showed absolute confusion.

I pressed my palms against his chest and pushed him away slowly, "Dan. Let me tell you what my plan was: we were going to sit here, watch an easy film to help you relax, and then we were going to sleep, whether I'm on the couch or in here with you. There was at no point anything sexual involved. I could tell you're on edge and I just wanted to ease you, okay?"

He nodded, his face drawn down as he stared into his lap. He sat backwards, shifting towards me before his phone lit up. I peered over his shoulder, "Who's ringing?"

He didn't answer at first, turning his head around as well, "Either David, social services or..." he paused.

"Want me to look?" I asked. He nodded, looking at the door expectantly.

I rubbed under my nose as I read his dad's name on the screen. I turned the old phone off, placing it on my side of the bed's table, "It was your dad." I spoke honestly, "Are you okay?" he slowly shook his head, so I pulled his body against mine as he buried his face into my neck.

"I want him gone. Just out of my life. Dead even." Dan admitted helplessly. He choked on a sob, "I feel like I should be going back to my house. It's stupid, I know! But there's this dread in me knowing if I don't go back he'll hurt me when I do-"

"Dan, I won't let you go back ever again." I told him, "Even if you beg, I won't let you. That's the only thing I'm going to control for you. You can fucking leave me if you want, but I'll still make sure you never go back there."

He seemed to calm at that. I held him into me for as long as he needed me to. I only let go when he began to pull away. I settled his fringe back onto his face, "How do you normally calm yourself? What did you used to do in your evenings at your old place?"

He looked off to the side and I waited on an answer, only realising he was staring at his keyboard. I chuckled, stepping off the bed and bringing it over to him, "Does it need a plug?" I asked. He lost himself in his mind for a moment before he shook his head, turning it on. His fingers hovered over the keys and I waited patiently, "Are you going to play?"

He chuckled, "I've only played for a month, don't criticize me." his face was patchy, but I thought he was beautiful.

"I'm as unmusical as a human can get. You could play twinkle, twinkle little star and I'd think you're a prodigy-" his fingers began dancing along the keys and I'd automatically have assumed he had at least a year's of experience, if not two. He stumbled over some notes, but I was lost in the way his expression relaxed as he was so content in himself.

I felt as though I was able to watch his thoughts; I could see them when they disturbed him and I could grin when they made him cheer. He became transparent. It was when his eyes met mine that he caught my breath. The expression in his eyes almost made me feel jealous of the one he was looking at. I then realised it was me and felt feeble, giggling to myself at my ridiculousness.

His song ended with his fingers tripping over the notes, but I remained smiling at him anyway, "No wonder playing relaxes you. It mesmerized me."

"I'm not _that_ good."

"Not yet, but it was how peaceful you became that was truly inspiring."

He pushed the keyboard to the side and sat towards me, our knees brushing as we both had our legs crossed. His forehead scrunched up as he spoke cautiously, "Why do I feel as though I've known you my entire life?"

"Maybe because I've pestered you enough for you to believe I was doing it forever." I giggled. Dan chuckled along with me, his laughter pumping my blood along my veins.

"Just maybe." he spoke once he'd settled down. "Phil?"

"Mm?" my heart pounded too much for me to talk, so I don't know how he was managing it.

"I know I love you." he grinned.

"I-" my voice cracked and I sat with a dorky expression across my face as I lost all my senses, "Mmhm, yeah..." I coughed, trying to regain myself. After a moment I gave up, leaning forwards to kiss him. He ran his fingers into my hair and pulled me deeper into his mouth. I pulled away letting the words softly breeze over my tongue, "I love you."

"Finally."

"Shut up." I grinned, pressing my lips against his again.

I brushed my nose against his, giggling slightly as I spoke, "I think your theory was right."

"What theory?"

"That people learn to breathe and kiss."

"I don't think it's been proven enough." he boldly stated as he pulled me back towards him again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	20. XIX

**_Daniel Howell_ **   
**_Tuesday 27th October_ **

I groaned, rolling onto my side with my hand rolling with me. I opened my eyes when it hit an item, realising the lump was Phil. I giggled, sorting out the duvet that was spread over us, shuffling myself more into his warmth. He hummed, rolling onto his left side to watch me as his palm stroked over my knotted hair and down to my back, his fingertips brushing the cotton pyjamas he bought me. They weren't anything special asides from the fact that I wore something connecting me to Phil.

He held his hand on my waist and wiggled himself closer, burying his forehead into my neck. I giggled, hearing him complain slightly at my movement. This was perfect. This moment was absolutely perfect.

I rested my head onto his, acknowledging our breathing that released in a perfect rhythm. Even when I tried to unsync us, we fell back into the same pattern. He pulled his head away from me and pressed his lips briefly against mine, a sound of annoyance escaping my tongue when he left me so quickly.

He sat up, looking at his alarm clock before turning back to me, "Want some breakfast?"

I chuckled, "I'm alright at the moment. I've had more food in a day than I normally do in a week." he frowned and I'd begun to learn that my life was far from normal. I sat up, turning myself out of the covers so I could sit in front of him, "I'll have lunch, I just feel so full it's ridiculous."

Phil nodded in understanding, staring between my lips and my eyes as a smile crept back onto his face. I raised an eyebrow before he collided his lips back into mine, lowering my back against the bed. I laughed into the kiss, uncrossing my legs and wrapping them around his waist. I pulled away just enough to speak, " _I'm_ not breakfast."

"Agree to disagree." he hummed, pressing his lips against mine before sitting up entirely.

"Have you got work today?" I asked.

"Nope! I'm off Mondays and Tuesdays. Mum and Dad are, though. They take Monday and Friday off, which is really weird but it's up to them." he shrugged, "Does mean we have the house alone." he had an intensity in his eyes that anyone would swoon under.

"Is that right?" I asked, returning the same glare. Honestly, I didn't see how we could continue in this tension alone and _not_ have sex...at least once, anyway. He stood up from the bed, stretching upwards before offering me out a hand. I groaned, "Why do we have to get out of bed?"

"Because I'm hungry the instant I'm awake." he spoke.

"That's your issue." I huffed, taking his hand anyway and letting him drag me down the stairs. He fixed himself up a bowl of cereal before sitting us in the lounge.

He passed me the TV remote, "Put on anything you want." I stared at it, analysing the device as I pressed the button with an 'on' symbol. The screen lit up and I stared at it expectantly. Phil chuckled, "You've got to press the TV guide." I did so, seeing a list of shows appear in a list-format and my eyes spread widely.

"Phil, I'm going to be honest...I haven't watched TV since I was seven. My dad broke it within the first year of his alcoholism." I flicked between show after show, admiring the choices we had.

"I don't think I'll ever not be surprised at what you've lost." Phil sighed honestly.

"I'm getting the feeling I was missing out on more than I realised." I returned the truth, stopping on a cartoon show.

"Dan...you've chosen Adventure Time." Phil stared at me with a slight smile on his face.

"And?"

He paused, his eyes holding that loving stare again, "Nothing, watch what you want, Baby." I think I squealed slightly at the pet name but I hoped it was quiet enough for him to pass it off as something that wasn't me.

"Wait...you weren't calling me a baby because of the TV show were you?"

"Nope."

"Good."

"Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"Mind if we call my brother together later?"

"Sure...why?"

"He doesn't even know I've met my soulmate."

"Oh, well yeah, of course we can call him." I snorted, "You've fallen in love with the neighbourhood bad boy." I definitely heard a groan escaped Phil's lips and I gasped, "Don't you dare go finding that sexy!" I playfully remarked.

"Everything about you is sexy."

"Wait until you see me shit."

"I'll look forward to it."

"I can't even tell if you're joking anymore." I said truthfully, staring at his face which was glued to the TV. He placed his empty bowl on the wooden side table. We stayed in the living room watching Adventure Time until his phone made a pinging sound. We both turned to it and he unlocked his phone, drumming his fingers across the screen. I turned over to lean against him, eyeing his messages as he typed.

_**Yesterday** _

**Phil: How's being back at Uni?**

**Martyn: Good but tiring. You made the right decision staying back until you were sure with what you wanted to do.**

**Phil: Duh, I'm a genius. Gotta go but talk later.**

**_Today_ **

**Phil: Hey big bro, able to call at some point today?**

**Martyn: You...calling? You've either got someone pregnant or someone's died.**

**Phil: Close enough.**

**Martyn: ...what??**

**Phil: Just text me later and we can call then!**

*******

**Martyn: Yo it's almost eleven. I assume two hours later is enough?**

**Phil: Hey! Yeah lol. Okay, don't say anything embarrassing I've got someone reading over my shoulder.**

**Martyn: Phil used to dress up like a girl and Mum had to take him away from the shop because he refused to take the clothes off.**

**Phil: I deserved that.**

**Martyn: Who's the lurker anyway? The person you got pregnant?**

**Phil: Don't think men can normally get pregnant...**

**Martyn: Who's died, then?**

**Phil: Oh fuck off! Okay, you know Daniel Howell?**

**Martyn: Sure, the alleged neighbourhood twat?**

**Phil: Well he's my soulmate and is next to me - call me! :D**

Phil's phone instantly rang and he answered the call, putting it on speakerphone between us. Martyn's voice shot through the line, "WHY THE FUCK DOES MY LITTLE BROTHER FIND HIS SOULMATE BEFORE ME?"

"Because I'm awesome." Phil spoke confidently. I elbowed him on behalf of his brother.

"So...Daniel?"

"Just Dan." I chuckled, "Dan will do."

"Right...tell me, are your rumours true?" his voice sounded playful and I began to gather the impression he and Phil were always like this around each other.

"Well...yeah." I truthfully admitted.

"Oh-" I don't think Martyn expected that, "Shit...sorry."

"I don't take it personally."

Phil broke the rising awkwardness, "Dan's moved in, by the way. He needed to get out of his home situation and Mum and Dad didn't seem to argue."

"Maybe they have a kink for their son having sex under their roof." Martyn chuckled.

"Just you, Martyn."

"Fuck you!" he laughed back to his brother.

Phil questioned his brother on how his final year at university was doing, and not once did they mention mine and Phil's relationship again. I don't think I minded either way, I liked getting to know his family. Martyn seemed like a relaxed person and I could tell he cared a shit ton about Phil, whether or not he wanted him to know that was another matter. I was pulled into the conversation at times, but about fifteen minutes later we said our farewells together, and I had Phil's attention entirely back on me.

I chuckled nervously under his stare and knotted my fingers across my fringe, "I'm, uh, going to go and make use of a working shower."

"Oh, okay." his voice was slightly disappointed and the intensity in his expression was lost.

I took a sharp breath in, my hands slightly weak against the sofa on my sides. There was nothing wrong about the shower. There was _definitely_ nothing wrong with Phil. I sucked my lips in for a split second before lowly speaking, "Are you joining me?" I stood up, offering a hand out to him and he stared at me with widened eyes. He took my hand, not saying anything, so I giggled, "Well?"

"Yeah-" his voice was slightly high and unnerved. I pulled myself towards him, brushing my lips against his before pulling us down the hall. I opened the door, memories turning back to the morning before, but all I could focus on was how patient Phil was with me. I smiled, running my fingertips along his chest and unbuttoning his short-sleeved shirt. He ran his fingers down to the hem of mine, "Can I?"

I nodded, biting my lips between my teeth as he pulled my top over my head and my face flushed red. He stepped even closer and locked our mouths back into a kiss, my hands breaking away the fabric of his shirt over his shoulders and to the floor. I was conscious of the burn along my back, but it didn't cause me grief in the night, so I thought I'd just say something at the time if it became a problem, instead of bringing it up before.

He disconnected our lips and rested our foreheads against each other, his eyes peering down as his fingers wandered over my Marking. I grinned, causing the corners of his mouth to poke upwards as well. I moved my hands from around his shoulders, running them down his back and around to his belt buckle. I gulped, thoughts swirling through my mind so quickly I couldn't grasp onto any of them.

"I love you." he whispered.

I felt my body relax under his touch, his words falling onto my lips as they grazed against mine as he spoke. I let out a light chuckle, "I love you, too."

My fingers still held onto his buckle without moving, grasping onto the metal. Phil's lips moved to my left ear, my fringe brushing the side of his face, "You're safe, okay? You lead unless you want me to." I felt my heart slamming against my ribs, but my fingers worked at the clasp anyway. I let out a moan when Phil's lips sank against my neck, leaving the sensation of his mouth along my skin. I ran the waistband of his joggers over his hips and he kicked himself out of them. He gazed into my eyes, holding a stare of absolute trust and care, "Can I?"

"God, yes-" I sighed, my lips against his cheek as he looked down to run my own trousers over my waist. I stepped out of them, his arms around my torso as he smiled at me.

I giggled, Phil looking at me with admiration, but also slight confusion, "What?"

"I literally meant for us just to shower together but I don't think I can physically restrain myself." I admitted, burying my face into his shoulder and letting my face burn up.

"Thank God you realised that because I'd have had to have frozen us in there-" he chuckled. I pulled my face away, looking deviously up at him, he gave me a stern stare, "You don't really-"

"Would that actually work-?" I asked, amusement running through my body.

"I hate you." he sighed over his admiration.

I wiggled my fingers under his boxers and shuffled them down so they fell to the floor. I pulled my own off, both of us stepping out of them as I led us into the shower.

"Don't rush it!" Phil sarcastically commented.

"You've already seen me naked." I shrugged.

"I said I didn't look!" he whined.

"Way to make me feel irresistible." I pouted, a smirk creeping up on the corner of my lips. Phil kissed the side of my mouth and I instantly buckled under him, my lips parting to let him control me. When I was sure I had him distracted, with his hand around my chest and his face onto mine, I glanced over at the shower tap and positioned it to zero. I flicked the stream on full blast, Phil letting out an unexpectedly loud scream as I coughed up my lungs in laughter.

He dodged out the way of the freezing water, looking over at me as I curled over in amusement, my laughs echoing across the bathroom walls. He squealed, "You idiot!" before beginning to chuckle at himself.

"Come back!" I whined, my teeth showing through my smile. I held a palm out to him, hoping he'd take it so I could drown him in ice again.

"How are you not freezing to death?!" he cried out.

"Maybe I'm just too hot." I winked, my top teeth nibbling over my lip.

"Good one, Daniel." he growled, turning the water up slightly warmer. My fingertips soaked shampoo into his hair and his into mine. There wasn't anything sexual about the moment, not after I pulled my little stunt anyway, but it was perfection. It felt romantic and peaceful, like every second in his presence did. I stared into his ocean eyes and just allowed myself to drown in them.

We'd both shampooed and rinsed when my mind began to take me to places I wasn't willingly going. I felt myself divert my eyes away from Phil, not consciously but as though they were being pulled away with string. My skin became cold, and my mind began to fade away. I could feel him watch me, with his palm on my cheek.

I took in a breath and nodded to myself, still not returning my gaze to Phil, "I think I need to get out now." I spoke calmly. I could see him nod out of the corner of my eye, opening the shower door as he passed us both a towel. He tied his around his waist, then wrapping me in mine as I'd been holding it to my front with no sign of movement. His fingertips flipped my soaked hair out of my eye as he offered a hand out to me. I chuckled, feeling myself return slightly, sinking my body into the side of his and resting my head on his shoulder.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked me.

"Honestly?" I sighed, "I could do with a nap. Could we go to your room?" he nodded, leading me up the stairs and onto his bed, where he held me against his side and let me rest. He was my amazing Phil.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	21. XX

_**Philip Lester** _   
_**Tuesday 27th October (continued...)** _

I heard the front door unlock downstairs and rapidly threw my phone to the side, shuffling Dan's weight off of my shoulder and propped him up with a pillow so he wouldn't wake. I paced down the stairs with the towel loosely around my waist, gathering mine and Dan's clothes from the bathroom, deciding to change back into my pyjamas before discarding my towel into the basket and returning back up the stairs.

"Phil?" My mum's voice called into the hallway.

"Yeah!" I confirmed, peeking around the corner.

"Where's Dan?" her eyebrows furrowed.

"He's taking a nap upstairs, I was just going to put his pyjamas on the side. Want me to come downstairs again, after?" I offered with a smile.

She nodded, "That would be nice." I crept up the steps and opened my door again, placing Dan's clothes on our bed and grinning at his peaceful reflexion. I pondered back down, grabbing a sandwich, as Dan had used me as a cushion throughout lunch, and sitting beside Mum on the settee. She sighed kindly, "I know he's only been here for two days, but has he told you much?"

"About?" I checked, taking a bite of my food.

"What he's been through?" she pried.

I shook my head and took a breath in, thinking of how our shower ended, "No, not really. It's terrifying, Mum, I feel like I'm treading on ice at times. I don't want to hurt him already more than he's suffering." I admitted, continuing to eat between my speech.

"Of course, Phil. I can tell you love him and he loves you back. You've got to remember, too, that although you can help him and make him feel comfortable, he will have to come to terms with what he's been through in time. Here..." she passed me three leaflets and two books, "That leaflet has the number of a psychotherapist I highly recommend. She's an old friend. This one has a list of sites for crisis support, the other leaflet is for you with websites on how to support someone in Dan's situation. Those two books I thought you might find interesting, maybe in time Dan, too. They explain how the mind copes with trauma and the effect it has on someone's approach to life as they get older. Both by different people so they cover different topics in different ways." she sighed, "I guess I feel pathetic, being unable to offer direct support. I want Dan to know he can talk to me if he needs to, though." I smiled, thankful for my mum's attempt to support us.

I winced, feeling a lump in my throat, "Can I...can I ask you not to tell Dan about this, right now?" I asked, "I'm not going to say anything I think he'd be uncomfortable with, but I think approaching him about it would throw him off."

"Oh, of course Phil," my mum smiled empathetically, placing a hand on my knee, "You know I'm here for you, always."

"Thank you," I confirmed, "He's not been descriptive at all, but I know he doesn't want to keep me in the dark. He said that his parents weren't soulmates, and when his mum found hers, she left Dan and Steven, his dad. Steven didn't have a Marking and it destroyed him. When Dan was...eleven years ago...about seven? Steven began drinking. I know Dan's raised himself since then. He said he hasn't eaten breakfast or dinner for a decade, he didn't know how to work a TV, or have any clothes that weren't second-hand and years old...he's had nothing. Absolutely nothing, not even a parent. Yesterday-" my voice cracked and I raised a palm to my mouth to stop myself, "Yesterday, when you and dad fell asleep down here, Dan and I went upstairs and I offered to watch a film with him. He thought I was going to make him watch porn, for fucks sake!" the tears slipped down my cheeks as my mum embraced me against her body. I kept talking, "I told you how I found him two nights ago, tied up naked against a burning radiator and I didn't say this but I think...I think- There was some sort of sex toy in him, I-" everything began to suddenly feel so real. This had been Dan's life, yet somehow he was acting as if he wasn't being abused for _years_ , basically his entire life. I couldn't even work out if he was repressing it or if this was how he acted even with the weight of years of being sexually and physically attacked. I wiped the water away from my face and sat up, "I can't imagine it. Any of it, let alone think that Dan was living like that for so long."

"Honestly, Phil, take a read of the books when you get a chance. They're purely scientific and focus on the psychology of abuse. This one," she pointed, "Gives examples and is a bit more graphic, whereas the other doesn't talk much about experiences people can go through at all. That's probably the one safer for Dan to read if he ever feels like he can."

I nodded, taking a breath to calm myself, "He said he'd like to write about his life one day. He said not soon, but I know he doesn't want to hide anything from me, he just doesn't want to relive it either. I know he doesn't feel safe yet."

"Of course he doesn't," Mum agreed, "Maybe it would be worth seeing the psychotherapist together at some point. It could be a lot safer for you two to be in a professional, _safe_ environment when you do it." I nodded in agreement. Mum smiled at me, "Give it some thought, and _time_. You have the rest of your lives."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, my brain working through everything, but also feeling relieved that I could talk to someone about it. I turned my head around when I heard footsteps tread lightly down the stairs, skilled as to not make a sound. My heart ached as I realised that was probably a survival technique.

Dan popped his head around, smiling, "Hey." he spoke.

"Hey, Dan!" Mum greeted.

I just grinned at him and opened my arm as an offering for him to lay next to me. He did, curling his legs up onto the sofa as he did so. I brushed my fingers through his curly hair, "Want anything to eat?" I asked.

He hummed, then nodded his head, "Sounds good. I don't mind what." he grinned.

"I'll get something for you, Dan, you just get comfortable." she winked, standing up and walking into the kitchen.

"Thanks, Mum!" I called out.

The atmosphere was calm. Words that should be spoken weren't shared, but that felt okay. I listened into Dan's breathing and I believe he was listening to mine. He looked over my body, "What you got there?"

I reached for the leaflets and books and passed them over, "Mum brought some things home from work for us, she thought it might help." he scanned the items, taking particular interest in the book my mum thought he might like in the future. I was cautious about this, wanting him to take his time before approaching everything he'd been through, "Mum thought you might like that when you're feeling a bit better."

Dan nodded, still searching through it, "Sorry," he chuckled, "Psychology interests me." he put everything on the floor in front of us, shuffling around to face me, "I do want to talk to you about it. It's just...I still don't feel like I've escaped. He's only at the end of the street, for God's sake. I could fucking walk in there now and-" his face showed he hadn't truly thought that he could do that until now, and panic flooded him.

"Hey, hey...Dan..." I ushered, pulling him towards me. I thought for a moment, "How about we find somewhere out of town to spend a week away? I think the change would do you well."

He shook his head, "You can't spend any more fucking money on me!" he laughed, although was serious.

"Nonsense!" Mum cried out, passing him a sandwich, "If you don't let Phil pay for it, I will."

Dan blushed, shaking his head at the two of us and biting down on his food.

"It's a good idea, Phil. Why don't you get your laptop and I can help you find a place? If you do it on your own you'll end up in the basement from Saw or something." she chuckled.

"That's not true-!" I stopped myself, "Yeah, it really is. I'll be back." I ran up the stairs into my bedroom and returned with my device. Mum took it from me, sitting in the middle of Dan and I as we browsed for hotels.

She chuckled, "Anything romantic?" winking at the both of us.

"No-" I began, seeing the hotel she was hovering over, "No?"

"The cheapest one possible that won't get me murdered." Dan smiled, fetching me out of the hole I was digging myself into.

We eventually agreed on a place to stay, it was only half an hour out and it was a simple hotel with breakfast in the morning and good reviews. Mum chuckled, "You know what? I'll pay half. Think of it as a gift from me."

I smiled and hugged her, "Thank you, Mum." knowing that was almost three-hundred pounds she was offering. I could afford it, but it was the gesture that meant more than the price tag.

"Seven nights. I'll drive you up tomorrow after work." she rubbed the top of both of our heads, receiving a growl from us.

***

We finished up our dinner and I put the four of our plates on the side, turning back to Dan, "Want to finish watching Shrek?"

"Shrek?" Dad asked.

"Don't judge us." Dan pouted, walking up the stairs with me following behind him. He opened the bedroom door for me, closing it behind us. He grabbed me by the waist and pushed me against the door, colliding his lips against mine. I gasped, taking a moment before I realised what was going on and relaxing into the kiss, holding my hands on his hips instead of clenching the door.

He pulled away and I chuckled, "What was that about?"

"I didn't get to kiss you after you pulled the whole 'hotel' thing on me. You're amazing, you know that?" he hummed, pushing his chest against mine and staring directly into my pupils. In fact, he was so close I could tell it was my right eye he was absorbing himself in, so I stared back into his left. I gulped, feeling the cold breath from his nose tickle my upper lip. He pressed my lips into another kiss before resting his forehead into my neck, "I love you, Philip Lester."

"I love you, too, Daniel Howell."

"I hate my name." he spoke directly, "Steven Howell. The fuckwad of my father."

I shivered as his words buried into my neck, unsure what to say in this moment, "It...would be ridiculous if I asked you to marry me now, right? I mean, we've only known each other a couple of weeks." although I would give him my name in a heartbeat, or a hundred of them as that's how fast he made mine move.

"Phil..." he chuckled, "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that at all, although how else were you supposed to take it." he chuckled to himself, "I was just thinking out loud."

"Right." I laughed quietly, falling into silence with Dan standing in front of me. I gulped, "Although we don't have to be married for you to change your name, if you really want to get rid of it. I mean, we're soulmates anyway, so it's not exactly like we'll leave each other." I took a breath in, "That's mad, honestly. Knowing I get to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Are you serious?" Dan asked. His forehead was furrowed but his eyes sang out hope, "You'd...let me take your name already?"

"A name is a name. We'd be proud to call you a Lester, anyway."

Dan laughed, pulling himself away and sitting on the foot of the bed, "You'd really...? Can I ask your parents first?"

"Of course." I spoke, "Although I know they'll agree."

"Daniel Lester." he whispered to himself.

"Sounds sexy." I winked.

"I know, right?" he smirked playfully, "I can't wait to hear you moan it."  
  
  
  
  


~


	22. XXI

_**Daniel Howell** _   
_**Wednesday 28th October** _

Phil had fallen asleep early in the evening. He came back from work at around half five and we finished watching films at around eight, him drifting off not long after. I laid there, on the bed next to him, my ears ringing in the silence. The sky was already dark as the sun had drawn itself away and continued to do so earlier each night throughout the winter season. I was completely alone with my mind.

Steven was either really clever, when he wasn't passed out, or he conspired his plans in the heat of his malice. It doesn't take the average Joe to emotionally manipulate someone, you have to have some wits about you. His drunkenness worsened throughout the years: for the first four he was malicious in every way possible. He'd taught me that to be a son was to be treated like a servant: I should wash his clothes, bathe him, clean up after him and his special guests. Even the simple things like fetching him his bottle of wine or bringing him food agitated me because I knew perfectly well he could perform the tasks himself. For the following four years he sunk into aggressiveness. He no longer needed me, nor wanted me around. These were the years I learnt to creep around the house like every noise was a death sentence, because if I was caught, I certainly would want to die. The last three years he'd reached the brink of nonfunctioning. He wasn't effective the last eight years, but I believed he had the ability to. Now I'm not sure if he chose to live in ignorance or if the alcohol poisoning finally began to rot his brain. I wonder what his inheritance will go be once he finally gets tipped over the edge.

I was seven when he first sexually assaulted me. It was confusing and he hadn't yet lost his title as "Dad" because I still had memories of him caring for me. Five months after Mum had left and he wandered into my bedroom when I was changing, and for the last time, I was changing by stripping down entirely to naked before putting on a fresh set of clothes. He laughed, mocking my appearance before calling me to lie down so he could do something, in his words, or close enough, "me and my friends sometimes do this and it feels nice". He proceeded to finger me until I came for the first time.

He gave me access to his computer when I was nine years old and I was left with a porn addiction for seven years. He was left with viruses he had to pay to remove.

I began stealing from shops when he wouldn't feed me, claiming he had better things to spend his money on than me. I was about eight, beginning with stealing fruit from baskets, and leaving with my most recent phone; stolen at age seventeen. I was always the skinny kid at school, and when I heard of this reputation I ate even less because it was something I could control. I fainted at school after not eating for eight days, and yet still no adult reached out to me.

Where was Phil for all these years? If he attended the same school as me, would he have noticed and picked me out from the crowd, or would he have been like everyone else I dealt with in my daily life? I sighed, truly believing he'd have helped me.

I wasn't quite sure what I could do to shut my thoughts up. I couldn't play the keyboard because waking Phil up wasn't a possibility in my mind. Therefore, I began turning to more destructive methods of coping that I'd learnt throughout my lifetime. I considered searching the bathroom for something to break skin, but realised that could cause the Lesters disrupt if they found me on the floor. I wasn't ever one to self-harm beyond solitude and sex. I coped by mutilating my body in ways that weren't visible.

I scoffed at myself, sliding off of the bed and changing into a pair of my old clothes, picking my phone up from Phil's bedside table and creaking the door open. I couldn't be here anymore, not knowing I could damage Phil with my pain. I'd already made the decision I was heading to Dad's, it was just about sneaking out of this suffocating building without being caught.

I trod down the stairs, not a single creak echoing in the ageing house. I noticed the living room light was still on, so I slipped past it, fumbling with the lock on the front door.

A door handle creaked behind me, followed by the sounds of someone walking. I gasped slightly, pursing my lips as I looked downwards, taking my chances that I wouldn't be seen if I kept still. A voice rang out behind me, "Dan?" John asked.

I hummed, turning around as though I was innocent, "Yeah?"

"Where are you off to, it's dark?"

"I'm just getting fresh air." I lied.

He gave me a look and I begged him in my mind he wouldn't pester me further. He approached me, peeling my jacket off of my shoulders and throwing it over his arm. He held a hand on my back and led me into the front room. I was confused, the puzzled look displayed on my face. Phil's dad didn't express anything bizarre, instead offering politely, "Hot chocolate?" I shook my head, "I'll get you one anyway, you haven't tried mine." he disappeared through the door and Kath appeared a second later.

She smiled sympathetically, sitting down on the sofa and pulling me with her, holding me against her body in a hug, "Where's Phil?"

"He's asleep." I spoke truthfully.

"Where were you heading?"

"Fresh air." I spoke my rehearsed lines.

"Dan." she warned, "I care for you too much to let you lie."

I glanced away from her, not offering her the truth. She ran her fingers through my hair like Phil would do, and the tears began to fall. John passed me the mug of chocolate, and I took it, enjoying the burning sensation against my skin. I sobbed gently, "I was going home."

"Why?" she interrogated. I thought she might tell me this was my home, and the fact that she didn't tell me she was approaching this from a trained, professional perspective.

I burrowed my face into a cushion, "I don't like the evenings." I admitted, "They've never been easy. Everything comes flowing in whether I'm alone or not." I rubbed my red palms, tingling red from the heat. I believe Mrs Lester noticed this as she took the mug and placed it on a coaster.

"Dan?"

"Mm?"

"I want to be honest with you and tell you that we locked the front door with a key."

I wanted to feel mad, but instead, I felt secure. I shook my head, "How did you know I was going to do this?"

"Because of the field I work in, but also because I know that face from personal experience. I saw you earlier this evening and noticed you were beginning to slip." she was rubbing a soothing hand in circles on my back, "Why didn't you wake Phil?"

"Because he looked peaceful."

"He wouldn't have been peaceful if he learnt you'd walked off." Kath truthfully told me.

"I know." I admitted, "But I can't suddenly ignore my brain when I've been instructed by it for a decade. It's told me what to do whether it was safe to do so or not. It kept me busy, and if I was busy either being creative or destroying myself, I wasn't thinking about the present."

"You're safe with us, Dan. The only danger is you wanting to run away from home in the middle of the night," she chuckled and I smiled, "Let's watch a film, how does that sound?"

I nodded. We were silent as John searched the CDs for something easy to watch. I turned towards Phil's mum, "Kath?" I began.

"Yes?"

"I was talking to Phil earlier on a whim, but how would you feel if I changed my last name to Lester? As in," I rushed, "Not marriage. I just...my last name it's...it's my father's, so..."

She hugged me, "You can have whatever name you like, but we'd all be proud to call you a Lester." I felt her smile against my shoulder before she pulled herself away, "I'll print off a deed poll at work for you and I'll sign it and get my friend to, too. Do you have any middle names, and what about your birth certificate and passport?"

I grinned widely, feeling relieved to be finally discarding the curse of my name, "Daniel James Howell." I said, "I have my birth certificate upstairs, that's the only legal document I could find."

"That's perfect," she happily spoke, "Daniel James Lester."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	23. XXII

**_Philip Lester_ **   
**_Thursday 29th October_ **

I moaned, rubbing my eyes as I looked to my side. I groaned when I didn't see Dan, sitting up and searching for my pyjama top and my glass of water to cleanse my throat. I peeled myself out of bed and my weight thumped down the stairs and into the kitchen.

I furrowed my eyebrows, smelling something sweet and somewhat delicious, so I peered my head around the kitchen door and saw Dan singing to himself with the radio on, standing over the frying pans. I crept up behind him, carefully wrapping my arms around his body, aware he was still in pain from his burn, "What are you doing, Baby?" I asked, burrowing my tired eyes into his neck.

"Making pancakes!" he giggled, turning around to kiss me on the forehead.

"It's half seven in the morning..." I groaned, taking a seat on a stool, "What time did you get up?"

"I woke up at five and let you sleep in, but I stole your laptop and brought it down here to explore the world online. Then, I decided to wake you up to pancakes before work!" he beamed, shovelling another failed flip onto a rising pile on a plate, "I hope you don't mind them mushed up, I've got one good one!" he passed me the plate and the bag of sugar, "Do you _have_ to go to work today?" he had rested his elbows on the counter, his back dipped with his ass in the air on the other side. I moved my eyes back to his face.

"I gave my work two days' notice to me taking an entire week off and I've only been there a month. I think if I didn't turn up today, it would annoy them." I truthfully said, shoving a mouthful of Dan's pancake sludge into my mouth. It tasted decent, with a pile of sugar on top.

He whined, pressing a kiss against my lips, "If you say so..." he groaned, "But you'll be missing this!" he slapped his ass.

"Oh, I'm aware." I chuckled, finding his onslaught of energy in the morning out of character and quite frankly tiring. I loved it, though, how could I not? It was Dan.

Once I finished up the plate of pancake mush - alright, I'm giving Dan a hard time on them, they tasted good - I stood up and wrapped his arms around my hips, running my fingertips through his hair and pressing my lips against his. He let out a moan and I could feel his heart thump against his chest and into mine. I giggled, "Jeez Dan, how caffeinated are you?"

"I haven't had a single drop." he brushed his lips over mine again, not wanting to lose my touch. I could feel him smile and laughed because of it, his energy radiating off onto me. I pulled away, placing one kiss on his jawline as I did so, "I'm going to go and shower. I have a couple of hours before I need to leave for work, I'll spend more time with you then, okay?"

He clung onto me as he hummed amusedly, catching my eyes in his, "How about I join you?" the tone made my chest flip.

I gave a feeble attempt at an unnerved grin, "I'm not having another freezing shower."

"Who said I wanted it cold?" he purred, raising his eyebrows. I took a small step towards him and collided our lips against one another's again. He grinned, "Is that a yes?" he softly asked as I could felt my blood flow downwards.

I nodded, leading him by his hand into the downstairs bathroom. I locked the door behind us, tearing off our pyjama shirts as I ran my lips along his neck and made him squirm. I pulled away for a moment, "If you need to stop at any moment-"

"God, Phil, _I know_!" he complained playfully, pecking my nose. I stood still for a moment, assessing him until he let out a loud groan, stomping his bottoms and pants down his legs, then dipping down to hurriedly tear mine off as well. He opened the shower door and walked us inside, turning on a warm flow of water.

We both sighed, enjoying the heat against our skin. Dan stood there, his palms against my chest as I stared at him, admiring how his curly hair fell across his face. I briefly pecked my lips against his before sending kiss after kiss along his neck and down to his chest. His head cautiously moved backwards as his lips parted. He let out small, sharp breaths and to see him buckling under because of me sent my body into shivers. I bit my lip, closing my eyes as I continued moving my mouth against his collar bone, feeling my blood run downwards as I imagined going lower.

Dan let out a stressed laugh, his hands searching for walls either side of his body to hold onto, "Phil, I might orgasm just like this if you continue on this way." he clambered over his words, his breathing irregular.

I grinned, "Want me to go lower?"

"Fuck, God yes Phil-!" he screamed in annoyance. I threw my palm against his mouth and a finger against my own, telling him to quieten down. I ran my fingertips down his front as I knelt down, my legs threatening to collapse under my weight in anticipation. I looked up at him, seeing his eyes shut and his chest rising and falling smoothly, and I felt weak before him and his relaxed demeanour.

I kissed his waistline before gently wrapping my hand around his length, moving it back and forth as I watched Dan squirm. I kept eyeing him for any signs of discomfort, but as his dick hardened and his hands begged for something to hold onto, I couldn't find any. I gulped, bringing myself to the moment instead of his past.

I touched my lips against the end of his length, his body becoming rigid in anticipation. The water from the shower stream acted as a lubricant as I began to thrust my head forwards. I reached a little over halfway before moving backwards again, swallowing around him and hearing him moan at the movement of my muscles. I tried again, moving my mouth forwards and reaching near to an inch away from his base and hearing the vibrations of his sounds run down his body. I began to move in a rhythm, pressing my tongue up against him as he restrained thrusting into my throat.

His breathing became quickened and his nails dug into his hips, "Phil-" he gasped, "S-stop for a moment." I did, letting his dick fall slowly out of my mouth.

"Everything alright?" I asked raspily.

He nodded, his face heated red, "It's just if you continue on like that I'm going to come and I want to take you first. And, I know I'd get hard again if I came now, then went down on you after." his words were strained and his eyes were still shut. I stood up, placing my lips against his unexpecting mouth.

He smiled, opening his eyes and pulled away from the kiss. He turned our bodies around so that I wouldn't fall through the shower door if I leant backwards, and pressed our mouths back together. I sighed, his hand running down my body as he began to stroke my length. I hummed as he fell down to his knees and took me in his mouth. I felt his tongue move expertly against my skin and his throat took me all the way in with ease. I was making small sighs with my broken breaths, my hands pressed against the tiles behind me. I opened my eyes, smiling down at Dan who seemed lost in the moment himself, the small moans that ran through his mouth vibrating against me.

My eyes drifted to his back, watching the way he unnaturally held his wrists behind him. I could see them tied, imagining tape wrapped tightly against his hands. I whispered, "Dan?" and he pulled his mouth away from me, looking up with confusion in his eyes.

"Yeah?" he spoke, his voice slightly strained. I smiled, opening my palms and he looked at me with confusion, before realising I wanted his hands. I placed them just above my stomach, stroking his fingers with my thumbs.

"Oh." he said, realising what I'd changed, "Oh!" he said again, smiling, "Okay but I do need one hand unless you want me to play Hang the Doughnut with your dick?" he stuck his tongue out slightly and I chuckled, releasing one of his hands so he could take me back into his mouth.

He moved me back and forth in his mouth for a few minutes, the moans returning with his breathing, but this time his fingernails dug marks into my skin above my belly button. But God, it felt amazing. My hands kept trying to move to wet strands of hair on his head, but I refrained every time wanting him to stay in control. He caught my hands flinching towards him once, guiding them to his head and groaned every time I pulled on him a bit too tight.

I felt my stomach knot as I pushed my body into the wall, "Dan, I'm going to come..." I warned him through my gasps.

He nodded, making a hum which sent vibrations across me, sending me over the edge. I took in a sharp breath, "Fuck-" I spoke, my eyes slowly opening again, just in time to see Dan's Adam's apple slide up and down to show he swallowed. I raised my eyebrows with widened eyes, but he winked at me, standing upright against my body as he rested his head onto my shoulder. I brought my hand in-between us, stroking him up and down until he writhed in pleasure against me. He groaned through a laugh, pulling his head up and kissing me against my lips.

After a while, he stepped out of the shower, towelling himself down as I picked up the body soap from the side, "Not using soap?" I asked.

He shook his head, leaning his back against the wall as he watched me, "I quite like the lingering feeling of you against me." I looked away, my face going red as I hurriedly washed myself down and joined him on the other side. He passed me a towel off of the rack, pressing his lips against mine once I'd draped it over myself.

"I talked to Kath and John last night." he whispered.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked.

"You can moan Daniel Lester at me this evening." he smirked, confidence spread across his face. I couldn't hide back my goofy grin, my happiness for him escaping in my expression.

"I dreamt last night a minister pronounced, 'Do you Phil Lester take Daniel Lester to be your lawfully wedded husband'." I spoke truthfully. Dan stepped back from me, his head thrown back in laughter as his cackle echoed off the tile walls.

"Yeah, we didn't think about that one, did we?"

"It's less important than you being happy."

~


	24. XXIII

_**Daniel Lester** _   
_**Thursday 29th October (continued...)** _

"Signed." I confirmed, smiling at Kath and Phil who loomed over me. I giggled in disbelief, running my fingertips through my straightened fringe.

Phil's mum made a sound of adoration, walking towards me for a hug, "Welcome to the family." she sighed, squeezing me tightly.

I scoffed gleefully, "You haven't heard about everything I've done." a laugh escaped my lips as I jokingly winked.

"I don't think I'd care." she scoffed back in the same tone, slipping the deed poll into a plastic wallet to keep it safe, "I'll keep this in the filing cabinet, alright?" she asked. I nodded.

Phil walked over to me and placed a hand over my shoulder, keeping me close against his side, "Are we going to get going, then?" he asked, our suitcases already in the hallway as we'd packed them as soon as he arrived home from work.

"If you're sure you're both ready." Kath nodded, leading us out of the kitchen, carrying the document into the office across the hall, "And we really need to set you up a bank account, Dan. I can't believe you were taking your work money through checks."

"It's not my fault I didn't know how to set up a bank! I'm not sure anywhere around here who'd even let me set one up." I whined, pouting as I rested into Phil.

"Nonsense! Next Friday we'll take you to the bank us lot use and help you get started." Kath smiled, walking us down the steps in the front garden.

"Thank you." I smiled feebly, opening her car boot and placing my suitcase in, followed by Phil's. We sat in the back together, myself placed in the middle so I could lean against Phil.

"I'm so glad I've got rid of my name." I sighed, staring at the houses go by outside the window.

"I know." Phil grinned, stroking my shoulder.

Phil's mum piped up, "How are you doing today, Dan?"

"Better, thank you." I said, keeping my eyes away from Phil's stare.

"Better?" Phil asked, "What was wrong?"

I groaned at Kath for leading me into this, but I turned round to Phil, he should know sooner rather than later, "I was going to...go...back to Dad's. John came out of the bathroom as I was trying to leave, but the two of them had locked the front door anyway."

"What?" Phil sharply asked, but I know it was purely out of the goodness in his heart, "Why, Dan...?"

I shrugged, glancing away again, "I don't know! I can't imagine even considering doing it at the moment. I just, felt like I had to." I sighed, drumming my foot up and down.

"Dan..." Phil soothed, "You should have woken me up..."

"Funnily enough that's the one thing I convinced myself I was absolutely not to do. I don't know, it just...it happens." I mumbled shamefully.

"You change in the evenings." Phil observed, "It's like you panic. I noticed it twice, thinking maybe it was a coincidence, but if it happened again last night...You can always talk to me, okay? Or you can accept we'll lock the doors and bubble wrap the house."

I laughed, turning to him, "Evenings just don't feel safe," I admitted, "I'll learn."

"Did you look anymore at the leaflets I gave you two?" Kath asked.

"I did actually!" I smiled, "The psychotherapist looks really good. I'll try and find another job and-" I saw Kath's look through the driver's mirror, "No." I pushed, "No! You're not paying for that as well!"

"Dan...!" Kath sighed, "Money isn't an issue for us, okay? We're not growing it on trees, but we don't need to exactly think about it, either."

I groaned, "I'm going to make a note of everything you pay for and give it all back one day."

"You can believe that." she nodded, a cheek appeared in her expression. It was a lost cause trying to argue money. She began again, "I recommend going to the first session alone, maybe Phil could wait outside if he's free. You could talk to Dr Jarvis about going together, but she'll likely recommend it herself."

I nodded in response, suddenly remembering about the book, "Oh! I read the book you suggested, too. It was really interesting. Not the one you said to avoid, I'll trust you on that one. I'm dealing with my own problems, let alone those of exemplars."

"You read it in a day?" Phil questioned, "That was a mighty book."

"I like reading." I shrugged, "David's still offering me free books from his shop. I'll miss this weekend's, though..." I pouted to myself.

"I can always buy-"

"No, Kath." I shot. She nodded, giggling at herself.

We occasionally talked back and forth throughout the rest of the drive, conversation feeling natural between us. The sound of loose stones under the car tyres filled the surrounding area as we pulled up into the driveway of the hotel. The sun was setting, however it wasn't quite dark yet.

I stepped out of the car, leaning in the door as I thanked Kath. She smiled, "I'll wait here for five minutes. Text me if anything is wrong."

"Why would anything be wrong?" I asked, concern surrounding my voice.

"It won't be." Phil assured me, pulling me away from the car by the waist, "Thank you so much, Mum."

"No worries. It was a lovely drive." Kath waved a hand goodbye to us as Phil passed me my suitcase. We rolled them by our sides up to the hotel. It was a modern building, but it had more character than those of large chains, with flowers organised nearly outside and lanterns hung with fairy lights outside. Phil pushed the glass doors open, leading us into a foyer with a carpet running up to the reception desk.

He approached the person behind the counter as they smiled, greeting us warmly, "Hello and welcome to the Intermission, I'm Liguori do you have a booking?"

"Yes!" Phil smiled, pulling out a piece of paper, "Here, Philip Lester." Liguori turned to the computer and began typing into it, looking between the slip and the screen. He nodded, writing something on our booking and passing us two keys with large tags on them, "Would you prefer to pay in full upfront or half and half?"

"All now, if that's alright?" Phil hummed, taking out his bank card. I stood awkwardly, looking down at the detail on the desk edging.

"Lovely, thank you," the receptionist nodded, "Breakfast is included in the cost, so come down between half-seven and half-ten and it's just through those doors over there," he pointed across the room, "These are your keys, you're in room one-three-seven, which is just though the stairs on your left and up one flight. There is also a lift. Have a wonderful stay."

Phil took the keys from the counter and thanked Liguori, giving him a small wave as we walked in the instructed direction. I pressed the button to call the lift, the doors opening instantly, so we stepped inside. I stared into the complimentary mirror, resting my head on Phil's shoulder briefly and admiring our reflection. Phil giggled, kissing my forehead just before the doors opened. We wandered down the right of the hall, stopping towards the end of the stretch and I unlocked our hotel room's door. I hummed contently, taking in the fresh scent and perching my suitcase against the wall, flopping my back onto the king-sized double.

Phil groaned, sitting next to me, "I don't think I'll be able to go home after being in a bed this big."

"Me neither." I agreed, "But I really need to piss so I'll be back in a second."

"Should I put on some TV?" Phil called out.

"Okay!" I agreed, undoing my fliers before entering the bathroom.

I washed my hands, making use of the free packeted soap, before returning to Phil, kicking off my shoes and placing myself next to him. He was reading over the hotel information, his eyes dancing over the printed text, "They do dinner until ten, so we've still got over two hours. Want to head down at eight?"

"Sounds good." I hummed, wrapping my leg over Phil's.

"What do you want to do while we're here?" he asked, placing the information on his bedside table.

"Have a walk around the town? There should be a few parks we can stop at, maybe have a picnic one day. Honestly, though? I could quite contently sit indoors as long as I'm in your company all day."

He hummed, pulling me tighter into him and kissing my head, "I love you."

I turned up to him, pressing my lips against his as my fingertips danced along his jawline, "I love you, too."

"Daniel Lester." he whispered. A grin erupted onto my face. I turned around, resting my crown against his body again.

He led me down to the restaurant at eight o'clock, passing the front desk where he waved at the wary receptionist. I would never stop grinning at how friendly he was to everybody; a quality I was yet to discover. We were seated at a table by the window, with our places laid out for us.

"I'm having the pizza and a Long Island ice tea, what about you?" Phil asked, placing his menu to the side.

"Strange combo." I chuckled, "Um, I think the lasagna and a virgin margarita." I sat back, placing my menu on top of Phil's. He leant forwards onto his elbows, staring intensely at me, "W-what?" I nervously laughed, running my fingers along the wooden table.

"I was just admiring you," he shrugged, "What would you say is the worse thing you've done?" he hummed, his eyes sending me into a shiver.

I coughed, "What do you mean?"

"Your reputation. I've only lived in town for a month and now you've taken my name." he hummed, sitting backwards, "I'll ask you a question, you ask me one." he raised his eyebrows slightly.

"That could get kinky." I shrugged off, sending a suggestive look his way before groaning, "Worse thing...from what age?"

"Let's say fifteen."

"Oh, God. Right, a few months before I turned sixteen I tied a student to a ladder in the storage cupboard and left them there until they were found the next evening." I sighed, looking down, "That was after I burnt him with cigarettes." I kept my eyes away from Phil's, "I'd never even _think_ to-"

"I don't want excuses," Phil honestly said, "I don't care what you've done in your past because I'm in love with you now-" the waiter appeared, taking our orders and leaving us in peace again. He smiled at me, "Go on, you ask now. I'm not that interesting, though."

"Oh I'll be the judge of that." the corner of my lip turned upwards, "But first, why did you move house?"

"Dad was offered a better job and it's closer to Martyn's university. It just made sense and my mum and I were content with it." Phil explained. I nodded, waiting for him to speak, "What's one thing you've always wanted to do but never done?"

I gulped, "If you appeared in my life two weeks ago I'd have said to get away from my house. Now, I'm not sure. That was my only aim." I rubbed my palm against my chin in thought, "I guess," I chuckled, "I might as well live a fairytale life and say I've never got engaged before." I winked, giggling to myself.

"Good try, Daniel." Phil grinned, "Go on."

I hummed, "Right. Are you a virgin?"

He laughed in shock, "Is this where this is going?"

"If it isn't then you've started the wrong game." I deviously smiled.

"Right. Then, yes." he nodded, "Had you ever kissed anyone before me? If so, who was your first?"

"When I was sixteen I got around a worrying number of people. If I'm honest, I didn't know her name." I shrugged, "Sorry. If I knew I was going to meet you I'd have waited."

"That's the last apology of the night, alright?" he pointed his finger at me. A few moments later our drinks were placed in front of us.

I took a sip of my mocktail, "Had you ever kissed anyone?"

He groaned, "Yeah, a girl when I was thirteen but it was horrendously awkward and she was teaching me how to kiss."

I cringed, withering in my seat, "Oh! No..."

"I told you!" he squealed, "When you first saw me at the interview did you find me attractive?"

"Confidence boost, much." I chuckled, "I thought you were good looking but I was more pissed off about how you would take my job." I shrugged, "Did you find me attractive?"

"Fuck yeah! That's why I came back." he shrugged, "What did you think when I met you the time after in the bookshop?"

"That you were insane. Did you know about my reputation by then?"

"I don't think so. Why did you think I kept coming after you?" our questions quickened into a more fluid conversation, possibly even more so that that.

"I thought you were just harassing me because of who I was."

"I just remembered," he shot in, "I heard David say your name. I knew who you were after I thought you were fucking gorgeous." he chuckled, his face heating up, "Sorry, your go."

"Are you worried about being associated with me-?"

"No." he snapped kindly, "It hasn't even crossed my mind. They just don't know _you_." he smiled.

"Thank you." our food was placed on the table in front of us.

Phil turned to the waiter, "Could I get another drink, please?"

"Same as before?"

Phil nodded, passing his cup for a refill. I gulped, eyeing the drink, "Me drinking doesn't bother you, does it?"

I flushed, "No, it doesn't. I'm intrigued at how it makes you behave, actually." I shrugged, finding it slightly attractive. I took a bite of my lasagna, "Where's the strangest place you've jerked off?" he spat, swallowing his food down without chewing it. I pinched my lips together suggestively, "You started this and you knew exactly where it was going."  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	25. XXIV

**_Philip Lester_ **   
_**Thursday 29th October (continued...)** _

"Fine." I gave in. He wasn't wrong, either, as there _was_ an underlying intention behind this game besides getting to know him, "I was fourteen and was on holiday, sharing a room with my parents and brother-"

" _No_!" Dan interrupted.

"I woke up in the middle of the night with a boner, alright?!" I whined a bit too loudly. I gulped, taking a moment before continuing the game in this manner, "What kink do you have that you've always wanted to perform?"

He stared right into my eyes thriving under the tension, "Public control."

I swallowed the burning in my throat, "What would that mean for you?"

"You'll have to find out." he teased, "What about yours?"

I laughed, the alcohol beginning to fire in my veins, "I've always wanted to see how many times I can go with someone in a day." I stole my eyes away from his intense glare, taking myself away from the tension.

His laugh sent the hairs on my neck to stand on end. I turned back and he winked. He took a moment before shuffling in his chair, his tone changing, "Do you worry about being intimate with me?"

"Of course." I admitted, "But I trust you'll be open with me. Do you worry about being intimate with me?" I furrowed my eyebrows, hoping I could use this moment to ease him. He nodded, pursing his lips and he crossed his arms. I smiled at him, trying to find his eyes under the mist he was putting up, "I'm sorry if-"

"No apologies, you said it yourself. I want you to be able to trust me and not worry." he almost-whispered, "But, _God_ , Phil...I don't want to push you away if I'm being all unsure or overthinking everything." he shrugged, "It's not even about taking it slow, it's... it's-"

"About making sure you're safe and that I love you and I won't _ever_ hurt you on purpose." I held his stare as I reached for his hands across the table. He chuckled, taking them.

Dan bit his lips and nodded, "Yeah, exactly that. I feel completely secure with you right now, as well, but I don't know-"

"You don't have to know, okay?"

He sighed, the smile returning to his lips, "Your go."

I could tell he wanted to change the mood from the sudden switch in expression. I took a moment absorbing his beauty as I considered what direction to take this, "When did you realise you _liked_ me?"

He hummed, "Probably in the pub when I told you to fuck off and never deal with me again." he grinned, biting his tongue between his teeth, "What was your first thought when you realised we were soulmates?"

"Honestly? I can't remember as I was very aware I was bleeding out of my neck. For how desperate I was for you to like me, I'd imagine I was extremely pleased." I scrunched my nose, wishing I had a better answer, "What did you think?"

"I was terrified but also surprisingly turned on by it." I melted under the confidence in his expression.

"Really-?"

"Yes. That was a question. My go again, when did you realise you actually loved me?"

"It went from infatuation to whatever the fuck this is when we walked away from the park together and sat on the wall. Then again when I helped you in the shower."

"Have you finished your meal?"

"Wasn't it my turn?"

"Yes but that was a question so now it's mine-" he stood up, "...Have you?"

"...I guess." I nodded in surprise as he held a hand out to me.

"This is being added to the bill, right?" he whispered.

I nodded, "I get two questions, now."

"Okay."

"Are we going back to the room?"

"Fuck yes."

"Did you have this planned?"

"How could I when you started this game?" he raised an eyebrow, his head raised against his neck as he stopped to turn to me. I hummed, walking in front and leading him through the restaurant, smiling at the waiters.

"Because you led it in this direction."

"You didn't stop me." he purred, running his tongue over his lips.

"We're so cliché."

"I've only ever watched Shrek and a random comedy your parents put on. I have nothing to compare to, so I don't care." he giggled, walking us up the stairs.

"If you want to stop at any time, you know you can just say?"

"I believe I do, but I think I should clarify what I'd be stopping?" he shrugged innocently, a small pout touching his lips.

"I want you, Daniel Lester."

"I told you you'd be moaning my name."

I gasped, throwing his back against the hotel room door and pressing my mouth against his. He squealed, his hands pushing the wood behind him. I let him go, his eyes wide with shock but also containing a lust I was feeding off of. I heard footsteps down the hall, unlocking our room and dragging him inside.

He moved fluidly with me, him happily letting me guide him onto the bed and running my lips against his neck. A sigh escaped his lips when I began to taste his skin. I could feel his pulse against my tongue, followed by mine beating slightly out of sync as his rushed faster than mine. I felt him wriggle under me, the sound of his shoes being tossed to the side followed his movements.

I brought my lips up to his ear, catching my eyes in his glare as I grinned, "What do you want me to do?" I asked, keeping my voice hushed and low.

His eyebrows furrowed for a second before the corner of his lips twitched upwards. He pushed his weight upwards, causing me to carefully fall to my knees at the end of our bed. His hands ran up the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head as he tossed it to the side. My eyes followed over his incredible Marking, absorbing the way it delicately skipped across his skin. His hands travelled under my top, his fingers guiding it over my shoulders as it joined to make a piling of clothing against the wall. I ran my fingers across his tinted skin, using them to push his weight back onto the duvet, my own body moving with his. I hovered over him as his lips shivered, "Undress me."

My hands hastily slipped to his jeans, working away at the unworn flies before I pulled the material downwards. Dan groaned, his palms digging into the sheets by his sides. I removed my own footwear and trousers, seeing him in no condition to want to take them off himself.

He shuffled himself up the bed, his hair gracefully landing on the centre pillows as they puffed outwards under him. He laughed, "Fuck. These are comfortable." I hummed in agreement, kissing him along his jaw.

"Tell me where to go. Plead with me to put my hands where you want them." I hummed intensely. He groaned, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me down onto him. He buried his chin into my shoulder and I wanted to ask him what he liked, where he's been before, but I know I couldn't. Not with him and not right now.

"I don't care." he lovingly chuckled, "As long as it's with you and I can feel you against me, you can do anything and I will love you." he kissed my neck briefly before whispering into my ear, "Did you lock the door?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	26. XXV

**_Daniel Lester_ **   
**_Thursday 29th October (continued...)_ **

Phil laughed as I heard the click of a lock, followed by the mattress sinking by my legs as he crept on top of me again. I grinned, running my fingers through his hair as he briefly held himself over me. I sat us upwards, knowing how difficult it can be to be expected to keep your weight entirely on your arms, resting on a bed with springs that swallowed you in. In short, it was almost entirely impossible and felt like you were attempting to do a push-up on a trampoline made of clouds.

I felt his breath against my cheekbone, his fingertips dancing against my neck as I writhed under him. He giggled, pulling his neck up to look me in the eye, "Are you ticklish?"

"Yes, and I don't like it so fuck off." I pouted, waiting a moment before pressing my mouth into his. I moaned against his lips, his hands pushing my waist into the bed as his knee slipped between my legs. I began to uncontrollably grind against his leg, feeling both of us stiffen as we remained pressed together. Phil gasped for breath against my upper-lip, causing a shiver to lick down my spine and I hummed in pleasure. The corners of his mouth poked up as I brushed our noses.

I ran my hands to the waistline of his pants, sliding my thumbs beneath them, "Take these off." I sighed, fiddling with the elastic. He sat up, my eyes following his movements as he eyed me cautiously. He slipped them off, running his hands to mine.

"Can I?" he asked. I nodded, my teeth biting my bottom lip as I eagerly waited for the fabric to be thrown to the side. I bucked my hips up to help him remove my underwear, the item of clothing fluidly falling to the floor. He knelt over me, his hands supporting himself on my chest as he absorbed me into his ocean eyes. My lips parted in awe, watching his black fringe messily fall over his eye. He kept his eyes locked into mine, "What do you want me to do?"

I wanted to know what he'd be like if he'd not known I was abused. I flickered my eyes away from his, not entirely sure I knew what I wanted him to do apart from touch me and love me like he'd never done to anyone else before. I turned back to him, smiling with a small bite of the devil in me, "Tie me." I begged, certainty spread across my features. His eyes furrowed in concern, but I wanted him to replace every memory I had of being fucked with something and someone so much more special than Dad.

"Are you sure?" he confirmed, his fingers battling with my brown hair. I nodded, my lips pursed together as I lustfully glared at him. He let a groan slip from his throat before he asked, "What with?"

"God..." I moaned, "I don't know, anything!" seeing him unsurely flustered knotted my stomach. He looked around with a lost but desperate look to his face, so I sat up, taking his chin between my finger and thumb and kissing just below his mouth, "I saw dressing gowns in the bathroom; see if they have belts." he nodded, whisking himself away before returning to the bed with two white strips of fabric. I admired his naked body, the way his Marking dribbled across his waist, making it slightly visible from the front. How his waist sunk in slightly and how he had a staggered trail of hair run down his chest and along his stomach. I looked up, giggling as I realised I left him standing there as I took him in. He smiled at me, lifting the bathrobe belts up. I shuffled back on the bed, lifting my wrists above me as I turned my head to check where they could be held. There was a bedpost with a metal pole stretching across the top to either side of the bed. There was a plank between the frame, but the gap between itself and the pole was large enough to thread the fabric through. Phil did so, gently caressing the material over my wrists as he double-knotted me into place. He discarded the other belt to the side, using one for the both of my hands.

I rested myself back onto the bed, my head falling against the plush pillows with my arms twisted above me. He knelt over me, "Comfortable?" he asked with concern in his voice. I relaxedly smiled, nodding my head as my legs kicked themselves around slightly.

"Touch me-" I begged. _Touch me and hold me in every place I have been before. Remove every mark I remember against my body and replace it with you, Phil, because,_ "You're perfect. I love you."

He chuckled nervously, reaching his lips down to my neck as he placed a delicate kiss, "I love you, too." he fluidly moved his lips downwards, placing his tongue briefly against the tip of my dick before moving away for a second, "Is this okay?" he asked.

I shook my head, "No-" he was about to interrupt, but I cut him off, "because I need you right now, Phil. God, I don't want to wait."

"Are you sure-"

" _Yes._ " I pleaded. A swallow ran down his throat as he reached off the foot of the bed, rummaging through the suitcase briefly before returning with a tube.

I furrowed my eyebrows and pinched my lips, inspecting the contents. He looked at me, "Lube...?" I let out a tiny gasp, my lips parting as I nodded my head. I winced inside of myself hoping he hadn't caught onto my foreignness to the liquid.

He flicked off the cap and squirted a small amount onto his fingers, hovering them over me. I lifted my knees up, pulling them upwards slightly to make it easier for myself, although it was nothing my body was unfamiliar with. He looked as though he was about to say something again, but I murmured hurriedly, "Phil I can't physically wait any longer!"

He laughed lovingly, reaching downwards and gently pressing his middle finger into me. It only took me a second to adjust before nodding; demanding him for more. He did so, slipping in a second finger and working them carefully inside of me. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy the sensation of him anxiously satisfying me. I threw my head back and forth, wanting him to enjoy this moment as much as I was. I lifted my head up slightly, worried he might not be hard enough to go further, "Are you-?" I began to question. A sharp breath shot out of his nose as he grinned, working a condom out of a packet and clumsily over himself before releasing more lube onto his hand as he spread it across his erection.

God, every moment was incredible. I wanted time to inch forwards slower than the years passed, but I also wanted to hurry it along so I could experience everything possible with Phil. I released a desperate squeal as he pressed his cock against me, pushing himself into me against the bed. I groaned loudly, the sounds echoing off of the wall behind me. He briefly paused, but the words cracked through my lips, "Keep going-!" he did so, his entire length filling me before he stopped. I heard our breathing rush in a similar rhythm, my eyes unclenching to see Phil admiring my expressions. I could see the pleasure against his eyes; patiently waiting for me to speak. I raised my legs, groaning as my body twisted around him to wrap my lower half around his torso. I watched him bite down on his lip as I tightened my grip on him.

His voice was raw, "Can I-?" I nodded, still panting. He began to pull himself away as I expected him to leave my body entirely, but he began pushing back into me once he'd reached halfway. I gasped, thrusting myself down on him causing a moan to pass through his mouth.

Phil began to pick up a steady rhythm, our sounds of pleasure mimicking each other's at varied points. He sighed, shuffling slightly on his knees as his nails dug into my hips before continuing. He thrust himself back into me, the change of position directing him into my prostate as I yelled out, "Fucking- Fuck, holy hell-!" I squeezed my eyes open briefly enough to notice him laughing, despite the raspiness of his breaths.

He continuously rushed himself against the same spot, my entire body curling in pleasure as my wrists burnt against the cotton belt. I pulled at it, feeling my shoulders tighten and my abdomen clench, "Phil, I'm going to-" I felt his hand against my dick, the small strokes sending me into climax against him, his palm riding me all the way through it as he kept pounding against me. I relaxed against the sheets, Phil pausing for a moment before I looked at him and smiled, "Continue." I told him, my breaths beginning to shake once again.

He knelt by my ear, gripping onto the pillows as he began to murmur, "Fuck..." he sighed as I watched his face begin to tighten. I managed to place a kiss against his mouth, inviting him to rest against me as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I kissed him again through his struggling breathing, "God, Danny-" I felt my heart slam against my chest as I gulped, my throat turning dry. I kept blinking, trying to stay in the moment because I knew I was supposed to be safe. I felt him release inside of me, holding himself there for a moment before he gently moved himself out of me, sitting beside my body as he fumbled with the belt once again. His voice became concerned, "Dan?"

"Hm?"

"You can drop your wrists, I've untied them..." I watched his nose scrunch up as he eyed me warily.

"Oh-" I noted, hastily dropping them beside me. We sat there for a moment with him looming over me, my false smile not breaching his worried stare. I kept bringing my mind back to my physical self; my hands intermittently becoming numb.

Phil wrapped his arms under my body, pulling my weight upwards and into his chest as he held me into a tight embrace. He didn't push me, he didn't ask what was wrong, he just let me settle myself as he grounded me. He held me to let me know he was never letting go.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	27. XXVI

_**Philip Lester** _   
_**Friday 30th October** _

I woke up to us tangled above the bedsheets; Dan's legs resting over mine as my palms gently held his hips. I didn't remember falling to sleep, nor did I recollect cleaning him off or preparing him for bed. My mind took itself to the night before and how his eyes suddenly clouded over, his expression seeming fake as he grinned at me through his teeth.

He didn't look hurt, nor angry, which I think unsettled me more than the lost expression he was giving me. So, I held him tightly against me until we must have fallen asleep together, with him in my arms like I hoped he'd be forever.

I wriggled my arms away from his, rubbing my eyes with my fists as they stung from leaving my contacts in, followed by manoeuvring my legs out of his grasp, shuffling off of the bed and into the bathroom. The sky was still dark as I gently moved my way through the room, switching the light on to the toilet and closing the door behind me. I sighed, squinting my eyes before removing the lenses from them.

I crossed my arms and leant them against the sink, peering at my reflection, _"What went wrong?"_ I asked myself, _"He seemed to be revelling in the moment when he came...was it when I came? But he_ swallowed _the other night...?"_ I groaned, washing my eyes with water in the early hours of the morning, then throwing my glasses into my face. It felt like putting a child to bed; I wanted to help him smoothly and perfectly, but I knew that even if I did something I thought would help, I still risked losing all of our progress. I know he says he trusts me, and he probably does, but his brain and his body won't. Not yet, not after only knowing each other for a couple of weeks; not after four nights.

I heard the handle twist behind me, my head spinning around to see Dan feebly standing in the doorway. I pathetically smiled, lifting myself off of the counter and turning to perch on it instead. He stood still and naked for a moment, before shuffling himself next to me and resting his head against mine. I awkwardly ran my hand along his back and over his shoulder, hoping to comfort him in some way. He giggled and my chest instantly relaxed, "I'm contrite." he spoke softly.

"What?" I nearly snapped, turning to him.

He sighed, "You said no apologies. So I'm contrite instead."

I groaned, turning him around to be in front of me, "Don't feel like that-"

"But I do." he pushed, placing his palms against my chest, "It wasn't your fault either."

"Neither was it yours. I won't push, okay? I'm just here when you want to talk to me."

"Thank you." he smiled, "Can we go and watch TV?" he ran his fingertips down to mine and held my hand. I smiled, nodding as he led me back to the other room and onto the bed. I lifted the bedsheets, sliding us under for the first time. He chuckled, "This is much more comfortable."

"I'm not sure," I hummed, "You made for a pretty good duvet."

"Then skin me and stuff my vessel with cotton." he rolled his eyes playfully.

"That's a weird kink, Dan-"

"No!" he squealed, bashing his fist into my thigh. I looked towards him, hovering for a moment before placing a kiss against his cheek. He sighed contently, melting against my lips. I turned the television on and let it play something basic. It was six in the morning, so my brain wasn't prepared for anything complicated. Thank God the long days of school are over.

Dan shuffled slightly, taking my body into his as he wrapped himself around me, whispering into my ear, "I love you, Philip."

"I love you too, Danny." it was the moment I felt him tense around me that I understood my mistake, wishing I could grasp onto the moments just passed and erase them from his memory. I gasped, "Oh my God-" turning around to see the same foggy look over his eyes as he glared at me without admiration. Devoid of any form of interest in me. They were the kind of brown orbs attached to dolls; realistic enough to believe, but a lost, inhuman look to them. They weren't Dan's eyes, not the ones I swooned for, anyway.

I dug myself into a hole I didn't even know how to start filling in again. I wasn't sure whether I should touch him or leave the room entirely. So, I patiently watched him, hoping he would give me a clue as to how was best to act. I began to notice the way his fingernails were piercing into his arms, so I took them in my own fingers and intertwined us, pulling them away from his skin. I continued to cautiously eye him, wishing he could hint to me how I should help him.

But, he gave me nothing. The TV continued to mumble in the background as tears began to slip from my eyes while I gazed at the beautiful glass boy.

"Dan..." I desperately cried out, "Hit me or _something_." I begged. His pupils watched me, his fingers shaking as they combed into my black fringe and pulled it backwards. He closed his eyes, barely brushing his lips against mine before pulling away again. It was like he became disconnected from himself, as though he was watching us from behind where he actually sat. I kneaded my knuckles up to his shoulders, gently beginning to massage them for a reason unknown, it just felt right.

I noticed him relax first of all, therefore my movements became more fluid as I danced my palms along his arms, squeezing his muscles in gentle rhythms. His eyes brushed off to the side, returning after a while to mine with the chocolatey shades I'd become extremely fond of.

He shuffled himself away from me, sitting facing forwards as he buried his forehead into his hands, "I can't live like this," he muffled, "Not every day."

"We'll learn what doesn't work, Dan. We'll make mistakes, but for as long as we keep trying, we'll keep on thriving and falling in love." he glanced up at me from his slouched position, sharing a weak smile as he nodded scarcely.

"We're going to be so God damn infatuated with each other by the end of this, then." he nervously giggled.

"Dan the Optimist." I winked, edging myself closer to his warmth under the sheets. He sighed, delicately placing his fingertips against my cheek to pull my mouth against his as he sighed contently.

"I just want this to be easy for us." he muttered.

"I think that would be boring-" I began, "Obviously I'd prefer it to be a different obstacle, but I don't think I'd like to live a fairytale, either."

"What do you mean?" he deviously grinned, "Am I not your prince you'll run away to the clouds with?"

"I'm already in the clouds with you."

"Cheesy sod." he laughed.

"Would you have me any other way?" I teased.

He thought for a moment before shaking his head in seriousness. I threw my body against him, a small shout escaping his lips as he collided against the mattress and my lips clumsily met with his. He soon accepted the gesture, fighting to release his hands from under the covers to wrap them around me again.

He pulled away after a while, his cheeks heating red as he panted, "What's your plan for today?"

"I was thinking of heading into the town and having a bit of an explore. We can stop at a café for lunch, then either a restaurant if we find one, or come back here for dinner."

"Sounds perfect." Dan agreed. I felt addicted to him. It seemed as though if I spent longer than ten minutes without pressing my lips against his, I'd become a stumbling mess, unable to think of anything apart from him. Something about the way people acted told me this wasn't a soulmate thing, either, this was just Dan and me being mad for each other.

Four days, I would keep reminding myself. That's all we've spent together, besides the couple of weeks prior I spent trying to stalk him. I occasionally slipped into thought about what we'd be doing in ten years together, what we might do tomorrow, or where this evening would lead. But, in all honesty, it was hard to distract myself from the constant present as for once it was truly perfect, and I believed I could speak for the both of us.

***

We were sitting on a park bench when Dan shot me a lustful stare. I gulped, looking away as I noted to myself that this wasn't an appropriate space to engage in anything, but he shuffled to my side, placing a palm high up on my leg as he continued to gaze at me. I groaned, turning my sight towards him as I became trapped under his stare. I laughed, not believing this moment as I shook my head.

"I need the toilet." Dan lied, "There were some behind the park cafe that's closed."

I was flushed and was unsure how to react, so I followed him, watching warily as the door inched shut behind us. Dan locked the single cubicle, leaning against the door as he raised one ankle over the other. His head neared the ceiling, standing about three inches off of a headache. I looked up, noticing how close I was also.

He sighed, walking towards me as his hands slid under my t-shirt while his teeth ran over my bottom lip. I chuckled, "We can't-"

"Why not?!" he whined, a pout exposing on his lip.

I shivered, "We don't have anything!" Dan bit his lip and winked, pulling a pre-lubricated condom out of his jeans' back pocket. I gasped, shaking my head at him although I was incredibly aroused. I eyed him down, "Did you-" I began, but he pressed a finger to my lips before kissing the spot he touched. His mouth worked down to my neck, causing my palm to desperately search for my mouth to muffle the moans I was releasing.

"Who's going where?" he asked, tearing himself away from my skin.

"Where do you want me to be?" I questioned, my eyes still gently closed shut.

He didn't answer straight away, so I opened my eyes to see him eyeing between me and the wall, "Do you think you're strong enough to hold me up?"

A gulp ran down my throat, "I guess we'll have to find out." I shrugged anxiously, beginning to tear away at his clothes.

We were desperate and filling with heat as he slid his hands against my bare skin, pulling my bare body against him as he fell against the wall. He groaned, so I threw a fist between his teeth to shush him, holding the opened condom in-between my other fingers. He nodded, allowing me a moment to slip the condom on more skillfully than last night.

He took a breath in, "Okay?" he asked while also nodding himself. I licked my lips before pressing my weight against the wall on either side of him, feeling his weight travel into my shoulders and then down my back as he wrapped his legs around my waist.

I chuckled, "I can't stretch you like this, I'll drop you." I spoke honestly.

"Then don't." he hummed desperately, "I can take it."

"Are-?"

" _Yes_." he begged, sweat beginning to bead beneath his curling fringe. He warily slipped a hand away from my shoulder to position my dick against him, pushing me inside of him as quickly as possible in order to return his grasp onto my back, "Fuck-" he released as I began to move myself upwards into him.

We moved together until his teeth sank into my shoulder while his fingernails bit into my spine. I was groaning under the pressure marks, the feeling of him around my entire body sending me over the edge as I released into the condom. I kept the rhythm of our thrusts going for a few more moments, hoping for him to writhe beneath me and he soon did so, laughing as his body messily fell to the floor, his body hunched over his legs as he rested against the damp wall.

His eyes caught mine again, causing him to sputter into amusement again, my smile joining in as I tossed the plastic into the bathroom bin. He stood up straight, placing another kiss against my lips as he brokenly spoke, "I think I might have the pleasure to assume that turned you on more than it did me."

I groaned slightly under the sensation of his daring breaths, "Don't push it, Daniel Lester."

He bit his tongue before passing me my pile of discarded clothes, "You can choose where next."  
  
  
  


~


	28. XXVII

_**Daniel Lester** _   
_**Friday 30th October (continued...)** _

We entered the hotel later that evening, my eyes catching my matted hair in the lobby mirror, a gasp escaping between my lips as I nudged Phil, pointing at the mess. He winked, dismissing my problem with a shrug. We began to walk past the receptionist before he piped up, "Enjoying your stay so far?"

"Yeah, it's really lovely, thank you." Phil answered, "Liguori, isn't it?"

"Yes!" he nodded, seemingly pleased with Phil's memory.

Phil walked us up to the counter, his knee brushing against the wood slightly, "What would you say the best places are to go around here? We're in town for five more nights, and we've spent today exploring the area." I nudged myself against Phil, enjoying the warmth radiating off of his body from under his coat.

"Hmm," Liguori sighed thoughtfully, "There's a place down the road to the right which sells the _best_ desserts you can imagine."

I groaned, smiling up at Phil who rolled his eyes. I awkwardly looked up at the receptionist, feeling as though I should be joining the conversation, "What's your first name? Unless it is Liguori then this is really-"

"PJ." he chuckled, "What about you two?"

"I'm Dan Howe-" I furrowed my eyebrows, "I'm Dan Lester, and this is Phil."

"Oh!" PJ chirped, "Did you get married or-?"

"No, not yet anyway," I winked.

"It's complicated." Phil shrugged, lending me a kind grin. I gazed at him for a moment before realising we had a third wheel. Phil took a breath in, "What times are your shifts? Maybe you could join us for something? I saw an activity centre somewhere in the centre of town, although I'm extremely unfit so bowling might have to be as physical as we get..."

I chuckled and PJ snorted before flashing a grin, "I'd like that. I'm on until midnight tonight, but I've got all of tomorrow off?"

"Sounds good." I smiled. I paused for a moment before looking between the three of us, "We're not...this isn't a threesome thing-" I sputtered.

I heard the receptionist gasp before beginning to choke, "I didn't...I'm sorry, oh-"

"Dan!" Phil squealed, glaring at me with an amused, shocked expression, "It's not, but, what?!"

I shrugged, "I was just clarifying it..." I mumbled, looking awkwardly away.

"Yeah, clarified." PJ winked, still sputtering out laughter.

"We haven't even been drinking, this is what I choose to live with." Phil sighed lovingly before turning back to Liguori, "We should be getting going before one of us makes this even more inappropriate."

"Catch you guys tomorrow!"

"Meet you here?"

"Sounds good."

Phil led me up the stairs as I began to question him, "How come you asked him to join us?" I didn't mean it in a judgemental way, I was genuinely curious.

"Why not?" he shrugged, "You seemed comfortable around him as well. Fellow nerds are difficult to find."

"I'm not even a nerd!" I whined.

"Eh, you're my soulmate, you must be on the inside." he giggled. I grinned at him, pressing our smiles together before opening the hotel door.

I took a seat on the bed, crossing my legs over each other after kicking my shoes to the side. Phil came and perched next to me, holding an arm over my shoulder and pulling me close. I hummed, allowing my eyes to reach his, "Where do you see us in ten years?"

"Twenty-nineteen?" Phil began. I nodded, looking hopefully up at him, "I like to think we'll have our own place. Maybe you'd have finished the book you thought of writing. Maybe we'd have gone travelling and explored different cultures. Maybe we'd even find rings on our fingers, but who knows?" a soft breath landed on his upper lip, "But I know whatever I see myself doing, it's with you."

I hummed, smirking to myself, "It _is_ me."

He groaned, "How many innuendos can you fit in a day?!"

"Is that a challenge?"

"Oh, God. Please, no-" he flopped on his back, covering his eyes playfully. I took the opportunity to straddle his waist, placing a kiss against his forehead as I kept him pinned down. He removed his palms from his eyelids, letting them flutter up at me, "Want to get ready for bed and watch TV?"

I nodded, my body relaxing above his, "I'd like that."

***

_**Saturday 31st October** _

"It's Halloween, Daniel." Phil woke me up with a mug of warm drink that I was too tired to differentiate between tastes.

"And?" I sighed, taking a sip before letting it cool on the bedside table beside me.

"Well, it means I'll _have_ to expose you to the horror film industry." he grinned, wriggling his feet back under the bedsheets.

"Sounds exciting." I hummed, resting the side of my head against his hip as he ran his fingers over my hair.

Phil wiggled his fingers and spoke in a mockingly chill "You'll never sleep again."

"Nerves of steel; just you watch me." I shoved my nose in the air to show him up. I caught a grin in the corner of my right eye before he looked to grab his phone.

"One of us really should've gotten PJ's number." Phil chuckled.

"Probably," I agreed, "Hopefully it won't be too much of an issue meeting up. Although...we didn't give him a time?" Phil and I exchanged a glare before bursting into laughter between us, "I give up on us. We're useless."

"Hey!" Phil interjected, "It's a third of PJ's fault."

"Eh, might as well all be his as he's not here to complain."

"Very true, Lester." Phil hummed, pushing his glasses up his nose.

I listened to my breathing squeak out of my nose as the air gentle rippled Phil's cotton pyjama bottoms. I could feel his eyes on my back, possibly watching the rhythm of my breaths as well. The sun was already poking through the half-opened curtains, messily draped over the window sill in Phil's attempt to undraw them. I giggled at it, admiring his small quirks. I felt his forefinger push my nose as he let out a gentle, "Boop."

"What was that for?" I whined, turning upwards to scowl at him.

He shrugged, "You looked cute."

"How dare you," I hummed, sitting myself up against him, "I'm an actual fucking goddess, didn't you know that? How dare you call me cute because I'm the hott-" he shut my strange ramble up with a kiss against my lips. I sighed, wrapping my palm around his head and pulling him closer.

He pulled away after a while, catching my eyes as he gently spoke, "I know you are." he sighed with a smile against his cheeks, "We should probably get ready."

"Ugh," I groaned, "Fine."

"Don't 'ugh' me! It's one in the afternoon." he screeched, lightly punching my thigh.

I choked, looking up at him in shock, "Is it...seriously?!"

"Yes!" he shouted.

I laughed, "I love that." I rested my head on his shoulder and felt the weight of his head against mine. There was a part of me that felt accomplished. I hadn't actually ever slept in this late. Being in my house constantly made me anxious, so I was lucky to get more than four hours of sleep. But I could do it so casually with Phil and it would _hardly_ bother him. I wonder why he let me sleep so late; if there was some sort of knowledge in him I never had the opportunity to before. I have to say, I quite liked it, so I'd probably do it again.

"Let's get ready and then we can see who's at the desk. Maybe they can give a message to PJ if they see him." he grinned before shuffling down the mattress. I gave one last sigh before joining him, rummaging through my suitcase to find something to wear.

Every item of clothing I touched reminded me of Phil and I loved it. None of this would be here if it wasn't for his inhumanly generous nature. Every pair of black jeans and tees were from him and they were beginning to _smell_ like him too, and it was incredible. I think by this point I could have become Phil and still feel as though I didn't spend enough time with him. I began to realise that this wasn't the life for every soulmate pairing; this was just us in our strange world.

But worlds end up choking to death.

I pulled the black jeans over my waist and flung a loose, dark t-shirt over my shoulders and joined Phil in the bathroom, scrubbing my teeth besides his. He turned to me, mumbling, "Kwahn ya larse hime hoo wairn dehn histh?"

I turned to him furrowing my eyebrows, "Wah?" I spoke against my toothbrush.

"Wahn yeh larse hime yoo warnth dehnisth?" he said again, fixing his hair in the mirror. I spat into the sink and ran the bristles under the brush.

I hummed, "Uh, probably when I was around four? I only remember going once. I don't remember my alcoholic dimwit ever taking me."

Phil spat and rinsed as well, "I'll get Mum to book you in with our dentist as well, then."

"What are you trying to say?" I huffed, playfully eyeing him.

"No! It's just-"

"I know-" I smiled, pressing our foreheads briefly together. I took a breath in, "I need to shit so are you staying in or leaving?"

"I'll go." Phil chuckled, shutting the door behind him.

We walked down the stairs and into the lobby area, passing by the receptionist and leaving them a message for PJ. We left the red brick of the hotel walls and wandered down the road to find the restaurant we were suggested. I giggled, pacing up to the dessert place, "Ice-cream for breakfast. I won't complain." I winked, taking a seat at a table and passing a menu to Phil. I hummed, "What are you having?"

He groaned, throwing the menu to the side, "Choose for me." Phil spread a pout across his lips as he crossly sighed. His eyes moved to the side of the booth.

"Definitely get the cookie waffle." a familiar voice spoke. I turned to see PJ, "Funny to see you here."

"You did suggest it to us, and we were only down the road." I pointed out with a gleeful smile. He rolled his eyes, picking up the menu and pointing at his recommendation to Phil. I caught Phil's eyes and nodded towards PJ. He smiled in agreement. I piped up, "Want to join us as you're here? I imagine you're with someone, but-"

"I'd love to." he nodded, "I actually just popped round here for lunch as I couldn't stop thinking about the place after I talked to you two about it." he slid in next to Phil, slightly awkward in the manoeuvre, "What are you having?" he asked me.

"The brownie ice-cream. I've hardly had any of this stuff so I just threw my finger and picked that one." I shrugged, "And brownies sound fucking good."

"You've...never had brownies?"

I coughed, sputtering out a forced laugh, "Nope...I've had ice-cream, and pancakes as a delicacy to Phil, but the rest...uncharted territory."

He gave a sympathetic smile, his eyes assessing me to judge who I was. He took a breath in, "I know you've made your choice...but if you come here again you've _got_ to try the sharing platter. Of course, not to share, but..."

"Where's that?" I asked, picking the board up again.

"Oh! It's not on there, they have a board above the counter with it on."

I smiled up at him, "Guess I'll go for that."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	29. XXVIII

_**Philip Lester** _   
_**Thursday 5th November** _

I walked to the other side of the car and opened Dan's door, offering my hand to him as he unwillingly left the vehicle and glared down the road. I combed my fingers through his fringe in a comforting manner, before reaching to the boot and taking our suitcases out. I dropped them onto the pavement and carted them both up the front steps with Dan sluggishly moving in front of me. Mum had already caught up with our adventures in the car on the drive back, leaving Dan to be able to take a moment to adjust to our new normal without a million questions.

I pushed the bags against the wall, leading Dan into the living room and onto the sofa for him to curl up against my body. He grinned, nuzzling his head into my chin as we rested. We stayed there for a while, Mum shortly coming in and asking if it was alright to watch TV, to which we both agreed. I held my soulmate close to me, using his weight as a blanket as we remained entangled.

Dan's voice quietly piped up after a while, "What time is it?"

I looked through the doorway at the kitchen's clock, "Almost ten. Want to go to bed?" I asked, letting the breaths from my nose gently tickle his cheek. I watched Dan bite his lip as he shrugged, shuffling my body slightly to find a better view of his expression, "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm worried about Dad." he nervously sighed.

I thought for a moment, considering calling the police to search in the house, but then realising that wasn't a viable option as there was no emergency. I would consider entering the building myself, although I knew Dan wouldn't be at all pleased knowing I'd be risking myself. Maybe if I went in with my Dad? I thought it was worth a shot, "How about I go in with my dad to have a look?"

Dan instantly began shaking his head, "I'm not that worried." I looked over to see Mum checking us out. I gave her a weak smile before Dan continued, "It's just the evening and I don't know. We've come back home. I'll be alright." he gave a lopsided grin which I didn't buy, "You know what, can we go upstairs?"

"Of course." I agreed, standing up with Dan's weight lifting with me. He walked me into the hallway and we picked up a suitcase each, pulling them up the stairs and into our bedroom. He let out a sigh, flopping backwards onto the mattress as he unbuckled his belt. I watched his eyes flutter open and his bottom lip suck in between his teeth. I hummed, shaking my head, "No, Dan." I'd already learnt the look that glazed his eyes when he wanted me, but this time he didn't want me. I wasn't going to compensate for his father. Even the thought dropped rocks into my stomach.

He groaned, the look flicking away, "I'm sorry, I-"

"It's alright." I comforted, stripping down to my boxers and shuffling under the covers. My fingers could just reach Dan's fringe as I twiddled it around. I took a moment before letting any more words stutter from my lips, "Have you considered going to the police?"

Dan laughed, "They won't do shit."

"You don't know that." I defended.

He sat up, turning to face me as he ripped his t-shirt off of his body. He slouched his back as he looked into my eyes, "If they were going to do anything, it would have been when I allegedly tried to rape a boy when I was nine."

I contained my shock, "What do you mean 'allegedly'?"

He groaned, "I don't actually remember doing it. But then again, I don't remember much between the ages of five and fourteen. I did find out that I was expelled from my school when I was ten, but it was only five months away from the end of term, so the council just waited until September before sending me to the local school." I reached out an arm for Dan to lay into. He did so, a small smile peeling up his lip before he breathed it away and continued to talk, "I kept a diary-like thing from when I was eight. I stopped using it when I was twelve and I only ever wrote once a month or so. The majority of entries were from this time where I wasn't in school. I read them back last year and I had to stop. Dad was a sick bastard." he swallowed, standing up and dressing down to his underwear before joining me in bed. He shuffled into my body, allowing me to hold him as he shared, "I still have those notes. I brought them with me here, too. There's something appealing about knowing about my life, even if it was horrific." he turned to me, "I'd let you read them, you know? I trust you. You won't break me like Dad did."

I remained silent, unsure how to respond. Thanking him didn't seem like the appropriate reaction, so I just kept myself still. This seemed to be enough as he turned away and rested his head against my chest. I listened to his fluttering breaths until they sank into my dreams.

***  
 _ **Friday 6th November**_

I was woken by a knock on the bedroom door, turning my head to see Dan beside me on my laptop. Mum's voice rang out, "Can I come in for a second?"

"Uh-" Dan hesitated. I smiled as he shuffled his legs under the sheets again, "Yeah!"

Mum opened the door and half-stepped in to clearly talk to us, "I have an appointment with the bank at eleven for you, Dan. So, when you can, if you can find your birth certificate I'll get it put into a plastic wallet with your deed poll. No rush, we've got over an hour, but you might want to start getting ready."

"Thanks!" Dan replied with a chirp to his voice. Hopefully letting him talk helped last night. We should probably get the psychotherapist booked, on that note.

I felt Dan's fingers run against my forehead as he played with the bristles of my hair, "Did you hear that?"

"Mm." I hummed, nodding in my tired state.

"Do you want me to go and get you some breakfast? I'll bring it up here, if that's alright?"

I gave him a grin as I shuffled myself upwards, "That would be lovely." my voice was rough from my night's sleep.

I was soon passed a bowl of drowning Crunchy Nut as Dan hadn't quite perfected the milk-to-cereal ratio. I chuckled, fond of these moments where he was still learning. More so because I could be the one to teach him. He sat next to me with his own bowl, a smile creeping onto my face as I acknowledged to myself how quickly his meals had corrected themselves. He didn't even seem to be putting on much weight, surprisingly, but he had a general look of being much healthier. Definitely sexy.

He looked over me, raising an eyebrow as I choked up a laugh. Dan shook his head and spooned more breakfast into his mouth, focusing his attention back onto the laptop. I crept up beside him, eyeing the screen over his shoulder, "What're you doing?" I questioned nosily.

He turned the screen around to me slightly, letting me read the page, _'Proof of identity checklist'_. I furrowed my eyebrows and he raised a shoulder momentarily, "I don't know any of this shit! School didn't teach me anything and I certainly wasn't told anything by Steven." I began to take note of how little he referred to his father as 'Dad'.

I scoffed, "That's true, actually. I'm twenty-two and the only thing I know about taxes is of you don't pay them you get imprisoned."

"You do?!" he squealed, searching up taxes on his device. I sighed fondly as I rested my head against him. I could have told him to leave it for now as I'd help him, but I think he needed this; he needed the independence.

We got dressed and pottered down the stairs as Mum was finalising the papers and putting on her shoes. Dan grinned, passing his birth certificate and wrapping a jacket over his shoulders. I furrowed at it, "That's my jacket!"

"I know."

"You have an entire new wardrobe!"

"Those don't feel like you..." he whined, burrowing his nose under the neck of the coat. I rolled my eyes at him as Mum walked us out of the door. We took the car to the bank as we weren't sure of the distance, however it would've worked out to have been about a fifteen-minute walk. We slipped out of the vehicle and entered the building, Dan nervously at my side.

"Hello!" Mum beamed at the receptionist, "We're here to open an account?"

"Ah yes, you called for an appointment?"

"That's right." my mum confirmed with a smile.

"Who's it for?"

"Daniel Lester. He's my son's boyfriend."

The receptionist nodded, looking at the two of us standing behind my mum. I noticed a look in her eyes that disconcerted me, causing my legs to slightly bounce beneath me. She took a breath in, "I'll talk to Richard, one moment." she disappeared for a couple of minutes before returning with a shorter man who led us into a cubicle behind a sectioned-off wall.

"Daniel Lester?" he asked, his eyes burning with judgement.

"Yeah." Dan agreed quietly.

"Do you have any ID?"

"Here-" Mum passed Richard the pocket of information.

"Oh, right. I can see you had a name change? Was that through marriage because you don't-"

"Uh, no." Dan chuckled, "I just...didn't feel comfortable with my name."

"Right." Richard nodded, passing the papers back, "Unfortunately there isn't anything I can do for you at this time."

"What?!" Mum snapped, "Why?"

"We don't have to give a reason for refusal."

"You bloody well should, you haven't checked any of his details, why can you just deny him a bank account?!"

"That's just the law, Ma'am."

"Fine." she sighed, "I'll see if next door will do anything."

Mum hastily dragged us out of the bank with Dan quivering beside me, although he didn't seem surprised. We were abandoned at the building entrance, my mum already discussing with a worker about Dan's options. The employee nervously glanced around before nodding, shuffling us into a cubicle not too different to the bank's a few doors down. I sighed, taking a seat in the small room.

Mum placed the papers on the side, "Thank you so much. Although, do you know why there could have been a refusal?" she groaned, running her hand against her forehead.

The employee nervously chuckled, "Uh, I'm not sure if it's my place to-" she was looking at Dan.

"Is it because of who I am?" he lowly spoke. The worker nodded. I let out a hushed gasp. What in the world made Dan deserve this reputation?

The setting up of the bank was a small performance, but nothing unfamiliar. Mum had calmed down by the time Dan's account had been set up for an unusually high fee, but it was done and I think that was quite a surprise to the two of them.

When we left the bank, Dan was holding his IDs, letting out a small whimper, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be so ridiculous, Dan. It's not your fault."

"It is. I've not only fucked up my past I've fucked up any chance of having a future. I'm sorry because I've now dragged you guys into it."

"It's our pleasure, Dan." Mum sighed with a pitiful smile, stepping into the car, "Now, let's go home. We're alright now, okay? Let me do the worrying about this stuff for a while."

~


	30. XXIX

_**Daniel Lester** _   
_**Friday 6th November** _

Honestly, I felt pathetic. I'd destroyed this community and now this community was destroying me. I fucking deserved it, if I'm honest. I mangled with the trust of humanity and this is exactly the price I have to pay for it. People who do wrong don't get a 'get out of jail free card' just for a sob story. I fucked up and now I was bringing the Lesters into it.

They're new to this town. They've been here for what, just over a month? They didn't have enough time to get to grips with who I was from their neighbours before they became involved with me; they're still naïve. I'd gone from being a disruption in the streets to actively cocking up others' lives, turning me from a rebel into actual psychopathy.

I groaned, holding my face in my fists and I fumbled with my shoelaces. I just needed proof that I was some idiot they'd harboured into their household. Phil was upstairs on his laptop and his mum was in her room tidying. I could slip away now and gather evidence of some sort. I had no clue what I was after, but I knew I needed something. A part of me craved the old life I had and I couldn't work out why.

I made my way out of the front door and down the street. All I would do is go into a shop or two and try and buy something. I'll watch the glares on people's faces and the loathing in their eyes, just enough to bring me peace, knowing that by being with Phil I would fuck him up in the long run.

I paraded down the path with my hands in my tight pockets and my chin to my chest. It wasn't a long walk before I reached the strip of shops on this side of town. I began to notice the pavement cracks, the moss hiking up the walls and the roots of trees struggling through slabs of stone. The gum occasionally plastered to the floor, a few I could name my own, with cigarettes stashed by the gutters, dragged down by the rainy nights. I sighed, pulling my body into a shop as I looked up, figuring out what I was going to buy. I didn't need anything, so I figured I could pick up a couple of bags of chocolate because that seemed somewhat normal.

I chuckled to myself, watching the eyes of wary customers swimming over me. My eyes shot around, darting towards the isle of sweets as my fingers fumbled along the packets. I took note that a worker had been sent to stand over me, looming over about five meters away. I wasn't anyone to anybody; nothing more than a nuisance; like a fly on a wall that buzzed louder than a broken wire. Those that are fixed or thrown out. That's who I was and that's all I'd be for as long as I was in this town, but I didn't deserve to leave.

I felt spikes run along my neck as I walked towards the counter and placed the bags on the side. I was aware of the one person who would've made it to the till before me, but instead they stepped back and pretended to look elsewhere. I peered around me, chuckling as each customer glanced away whenever my eyes found their movements. It was as though I was conducting an orchestra of clowns.

I looked towards the cashier and threw a couple of packets of paracetamol from the counter below on top, as well as a handful of gum. He scoffed, so my eyes burnt into his smile until he shivered beneath me. I placed the note on the side, "I need a bag." I sighed, analysing the employee's movements.

I took the plastic bag off of the side and wrapped it between my fist, heading out of the shop and down the street. I stopped outside Brooks, heading in between the glass doors and smiling at Chris at the counter. He furrowed his eyebrows, "You alright, mate?"

"Yeah." I replied, nodding, "You?"

He took a moment, eyeing me suspiciously, "Yeah, I'm good. Do you want anything? David's out back-"

"No, no...uh. Oh, right, yeah. David said I can come in to pick up a few books from the discard pile still. Is it alright if-?" I shuffled on the floor beneath me.

"Oh, definitely. Help yourself." Chris agreed, stepping to the side to let me behind the counter, "How have you been?"

I coughed slightly. This was more conversation than we'd had the entire two weeks or so we worked together, "I've been doing alright." I shrugged, "And you?"

"Yeah, I've been good."

"How's David?" I asked, reading the blurbs of a few titles.

"He's good. We're struggling a bit financially, but nothing worrying."

"Sorry about that," I mumbled, not doubting it was my fault for working there. Anywhere with a trace of 'Dan' was contaminated and sent into despair. I didn't get a response from that. I shrugged, showing him the three books before slipping them into the carrier bag.

"Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"How are you doing?" I looked up and saw a different glare in his eye.

I gulped, subtly snorting as I nodded, "You asked me that already."

"I know." he responded, resting his elbows on the table as I walked around, "I don't think you were being truthful." he bit his lips between his teeth.

"Honestly," I dismissed, "I'm alright."

He nodded, dropping the interrogation, "Can I get your number? It's weird not having you around at all. I was curious where you'd gone last weekend as I doubt you'd miss your books."

I nodded, picking up the pen and scribbling on an old receipt, "I went away for the week. I got back yesterday." I went to put the biro between my lips before remembering it wasn't mine and hurriedly placing it back down.

"Oh, right?" Chris hummed, "Where'd you go?"

I looked at him, seeing the inquisitive nature shine through. I think he was asking 'how' more than 'where'. Or at least 'who'. I stepped back slightly, "Just to a nearby town. Nothing special. Phil wanted to get me out of here."

"Phil?"

"Yeah, he-"

"Oh!" he interrupted, "The guy who came in here harassing you a few times?"

"Yeah!" I chuckled, feeling the dimple in my cheek sink in, "Yeah. Well, he's my soulmate." I shrugged, licking my tongue over my drying lips.

I watched Chris lose the life in his face, "Oh. Right." he nodded, taking a seat on the stool behind the counter, "Well, if you find a soulmate for me anywhere, let me know." he mumbled, although flashing me his teeth. I wouldn't have guessed Chris to be one without a Marking. There was always something strange about him, though. As I was stepping out the door, he piped up again, "Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"Where is your marking?"

"All over my stomach, actually." I took a moment, "Are you wanting to see it?"

He laughed, "I was, but that would be weird to get you to take your top off. See you later."

"See you later, Chris."

***

"Where the hell have you been?!" Phil screeched, wrapping his arms around my shoulders the second I opened the front door.

I sighed, "Just down to the bookstore and a shop. I wasn't gone for long. I caught up with Chris, actually." I was dyeing my voice with a joy that wasn't there. Phil kept himself tight around my torso, my chest feeling the rhythm of his heart. I sighed, "I'm sorry..."

"It's alright. Just, please tell me before. Why did you even go-?"

I placed my lips against his, desperate to distract him from my desire to find the hate from people I received not long ago. He hummed into the kiss, brushing his fingers against my neck as I shuddered under the touch. I soon pulled away, motioning to the carrier bag as I pulled out the chocolates. He giggled, taking them in his hands as I passed the corridor beside him, "Where are you going?" he asked.

"To put my books away." I shrugged, pacing up the stairs and dumping them beside the wardrobe.

I head back down and met Phil on the sofa as he raised an arm over my shoulders, "Alison and Mark, our neighbours, are coming over later. Do you know them?" he began. I shook my head, looking inquisitively at him, "They're really nice. They have a dog named Pie! She's adorable, I hope they bring her."

"When are they coming over?" I shuffled, keeping my eyes away from Phil's.

"About an hour. You'll be fine, Dan." he sighed, pulling me closer against him. I chuckled, Phil turning to catch my expression, "What?!" he squealed.

"Nothing!"

"No, what is it?" he pestered.

I sighed, the grin still pressed against my cheeks as we shared a glare, "We've got an hour?" I repeated back, raising my eyes suggestively and my smile turning into a smirk.

He spat out a cough and turned away from me, his arm still over my shoulders, "We can't-"

"No?" I questioned, turning his head with my fingers and pressing my lips against his face. He groaned, bringing his other hand to my waist.

"Are you serious-?"

"God, yes." I interrupted, moving my lips to his neck.

"Okay but if my mum comes out of her room keep that grin in your pants."

"I'll try."

"You will." he corrected, a gulp escaping my throat.

I laughed softly, standing up from the sofa and edging my head towards the door. Phil stood up, casually following me up the stairs and into his bedroom as I held the door open. I pressed the door into place, hearing the click before he pressed his hands against my chest, staring into my eyes. The corners of his lips crept upwards as he held himself in front of me, a sense of calm pooling through my veins. Our breaths were soft and romantic, the air brushing between us. I watched his tongue run over his drying lips before he whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too, Phil." I replied instantly, my fingertips running over his sides. I guided them towards his palms, still pushing against my racing heart. A single corner of my mouth peeled upwards and I raised my eyebrows, pulling his thumbs upwards and around my neck so he was clasping me. He tried to pull away for a second, likely out of instinct, but he paused when he saw my stare, "I'm sure." I hushed deviously, feeling his hands nervously around my throat.

"Dan-"

"Choke me." my tone sent shivers across his ribs. His grasp didn't tighten, but rather shook until I reached my face forwards to press my lips back against his, a tug against my windpipe. Phil took a moment to return the kiss, but soon began to circle his thumbs against my Adam's apple as I let out shy moans. I needed him to hurt me and fuck me raw. I wanted to teach him to dominate me and how to make me buckle under my name. I wanted him to moan his last name against my neck until his voice was swollen and pitched, "Fuck my throat." I begged.

"What?" he shuddered, a concerned look glimmering in his irises.

"You heard me." I gasped desperately. I let him warily drag me to his bed as he placed me against the mattress. He stood over me for a moment, so my fingers clambered at his jeans towards his flies to zip them down, taking his cock into my mouth. I began thrusting him against my oesophagus, choking back my coughs until I was convulsing for air.

He pulled his length out of my throat as I practised how to breathe; my throat tight and sore. He hummed in concern, but pleasure rode against his speech, "Are you alright?" I frantically nodded, still unable to form sounds beyond squeaks. He removed mine and his t-shirts, tossing them to the side as he reached towards his bedside drawer. I grasped for his arm, catching his hand to grab his attention. He turned to me as I shook my head. His lips parted, "Don't you want to? If you want I-"

I whined, shaking my head furiously again, "Don't stretch me or use anything, I want you. Purely you." I watched his eyes search mine for something human.

"I'll hurt you-"

"Break me." I begged, my lips sinking between my teeth.

There was still hesitation to his movements, "Alright. But, have you been tested?" agitation nipped at my hairs at his indecision.

"Tasted for what?" I sighed, battling with my belt.

"STDs." he eyed me, helping me take off my trousers.

"What's that?"

"Sexually transmitted diseases-"

"I'm not ill?" I questioned, furrowing my eyebrows as I slid Phil's jeans and underwear down his legs.

"No..." he sighed, "I mean- I think it's safer to use a condom." he admitted, pulling down my pants.

"Fine." I mumbled, desperately wanting him inside me, "But not one of those pre-lubed ones. Keep those for public." I winked, shuffling backwards on the bed.

"You've got to keep quiet. Mum's next door."

"Then tie my mouth." I challenged. He bit his lip before reaching for a rolled pair of socks and shoving them in my mouth. I squealed, the sounds muffled behind the fabric. I lifted my legs to either side of his hips, impatiently waiting for him as he hovered above my waist. I lifted my neck up to view him anxiously staring down at me, but he caught my eyes and my stare reassured him I wanted this.

I saw his hand flinch towards me, naturally attempting to stretch me, but I groaned through the fabric to warn him away. He sighed, "Are you-" a squeal was let through the sock gag. He chuckled, angling himself against me before beginning to push his length into my hole. I threw my head back into the pillow, my insides clenching around Phil as I fought them to relax. He forced himself farther inside of me, every muscle I owned burning at his movements, but I groaned in pleasure. I nodded, whether he was looking at me or not, to beg him to keep going.

His thrusts were slow but forceful, working against the friction of my insides until he started leaking pre-come into me, our movements becoming smoother and less tight. I let out a hoarse groan, Phil's fingers pinching my nose to silence me as he chuckled and my ears filled with pressure. He peeled his hand away from my mouth as I swallowed, satisfied under his dominance. I felt myself raw and damaged but the pain sent shivers into my abdomen until it twisted against him and I finished with his hand wrapped around my cock. I hadn't noticed he'd came as well, only feeling him pull himself limp out of me and lying beside my shaking torso. His fingers fluttered into my hair before throwing the ball out of my mouth and letting me gasp in a breath of air, "Christ, that was good."

"Yeah?" he asked against sharp pants.

"Was it for you?"

"Surprisingly so." he laughed, "God, I need some cream for my dick, though."

I chuckled, "Wimp."  
  
  


~


	31. XXX

_**Philip Lester** _   
_**Friday 6th November (continued...)** _

I reached my hand out for Dan as he remained spread out against our bedsheets. He took it, squealing as his body tried to sit upwards so I raised an eyebrow, "Good luck walking."

He scowled, giving me a stare before determination stood him on his feet. I helped him wipe down and dress into a clean set of clothes, before we shuffled down into the living room to wait for Alison and Mark. Mum was sat with a book, turning towards us as we uncomfortably sat on the sofa opposite, slightly farther apart to each other than normal. She eyed us, parting her lips slightly to speak, but instead closing them and flicking to the next page.

The doorbell rang and she hurriedly paced to the door, opening it to our neighbours and leading them in with the offer of a hot drink. Allison smiled as she took a seat, "That would be lovely, thank you."

"The regulars?" Mum chuckled.

"Of course!" Allison replied, kicking off her shoes and placing them on the floor beside the settee, "Hello-" she began, pausing when her eyes fell against Dan. My heart began to thump against my chest as I registered the situation and my soulmate's rigidness against me. She didn't bother continuing her sentence, instead letting the sound of the boiling kettle sizzle through from the kitchen.

"Hey, Allison." I greeted with a nervous pinch to my lips, watching Mark as he stood beside the seat. She seemed frozen; still like a doll. I let out a silent cough from my throat before turning to Dan, "This is Dan-"

"Yeah, we know." Mark hummed, taking a seat next to his wife.

"Daniel Lester. He's my soulmate."

"Oh-" Allison gasped through tight lips.

"I met him at an interview for Brooks, and then went there to see him a few more times. It was under unpleasant circumstances he moved in, but I've not regretted a single moment." I spat through a smile, not tearing my pupils off of them.

They exchanged a look between each other, before my mum entered with the cups of hot drink, passing it to either of them and keeping one for herself. She perched on the seat opposite us, elegantly crossing her legs before signalling surprise, "Right! Allison, Mark, this is Daniel Lester." she chuckled, "Who knew this move would've brought such an occurrence?"

"I'm sorry," Allison sighed, "You do know who this is, right?"

"Of course I do." Mum sighed, although still pleading innocent. I took this moment to flutter my attention to Dan, who was nervously flicking his fingers in his lap, biting his lip below his upper teeth. I listened to Mum while Dan shuddered against the conversation, "I don't care who Dan was before we arrived, let me make that clear. The only thing that matters is what I've seen of him while he's here and I've seen a teenage boy whose been hurt, abandoned, and criticized by a community he should be able to seek care from." I smiled at Mum but she was too deep in her speech to exchange a loving stare.

"I think what he's been acting like for eighteen years means more than what he's been like for the past month! I think for someone to have Daniel as a soulmate, it means more about your son-"

"Don't you _fucking dare_ ," Mum screeched. I felt Dan's fingers flicker nervously against my thigh, so I grasped them and ran my thumb against his palm, "I think- I _know_ for Phil to be Dan's soulmate that just _proves_ Dan needed someone to care for him because Phil is the most loving, and caring, and empathetic person I know. He didn't give a _damn_ about a reputation. Even I was worried about him getting involved with Dan! I was proven wrong like a knife can't be cut through bread. I am only proud of both of them, and that's all I ever will be." she slurped from her mug before placing it onto the coffee table, centred in-between the three sofas. I was biting on my mouth's dead skin as Dan was letting breaths whistle between his clenched teeth.

It was a game of whom was going to peel the blanket of silence away first. The clock ticked above the TV as the sounds of occasional shuffles broke through, "I'm sorry." Dan sighed, "Is that what you want?" his voice was defeated and pained, "I'm sorry that I littered the streets. I'm sorry that I caused fights, broke, stole. I'm sorry that I destroyed whatever trust this town had. I'm sorry that I fucking jerked into bushes and slept in the park," his voice was getting louder and strained, while his hands clenched at the fabric of his trousers, "I'm sorry! Is that what you want? I have nothing else to give! How did the town expect me to treat it with respect when I hadn't known what respect was from the age of seven?! I didn't steal for the fucking fun of it! Did anyone take a look at what I stole? Did nobody realise it was food off the shelves or items to sell for pauper prices? And maybe, just maybe if the town offered me a job when I begged for one I could have been out here sooner but _everyone_ trapped me. So, I'm sorry if Phil Lester was the only human being who had the decency to love me, but I'm more sorry for you fucking vermin who never gave me a chance and let me get beaten, and abused, and assaulted by my father in a house that barely stands above ground. I'm sorry." I watched his eyes as tears fell from them, his lips red and face flushed.

I threw myself over Dan's shoulders and held him against me, letting his limp body fall against my grasp. The other three sat in astonishment, my own mind unsure whether it was defeat or respect, but I was proud. I couldn't quite place myself on why, but I was.

"We're sorry." Allison sighed, "I'm sorry for saying that ten years too late."

"I don't want it." Dan groaned, taking himself out of the room. I pushed myself after him, following behind his steps. I took his shoulder in my hand as he turned in the doorway, "This town broke me so fuck it, fuck you, and fuck everything that comes its way." he led me up the stairs and threw open our bedroom door, slamming it behind us once I'd entered. I let out a yell of surprise when his arms pounced around my waist and hauled me backwards on top of Dan and onto the bed. I felt his chin bury into my shoulder as his breathing whistled past my ears. He held me. Our chests began to rise and fall in sync, his fingertips dancing over the cloth of my t-shirt and pulling it across a small patch of skin. I didn't move, I wasn't sure what Dan wanted, so I stayed as though I was a rag doll against his body.

He sat us up after a while, taking care not to let me fall off of his lap as I glanced at the shiny patches against his cheeks. I leant into him, placing my lips against his bitten ones, allowing his thoughts to disperse into the air around us. I wanted...I sighed, "I want to tell you I can protect you. That I can keep you safe forever. That I'll never let harm's way come to you for as long as we live, but I can't. I can't predict what's happening in the future but I want you to know I will trek through until the end of the earth if it takes it, before I'll give in. I love you, Daniel Lester."

His palm slowly met my cheek as new water bristled in the corners of his eyes. His lips moved but words didn't fall from them, so I kissed his forehead and fell to his side, wrapping my arms around his body from the left of him. His body was still frail and damaged from years of starvation, but there was visibly more strength now and his clothes sat against him rather than flowed down like rags. I slipped my fingers beneath his shirt and began tracing where I'd learnt his Marking cut into the pigment of his regular skin. He hummed and let his eyes flutter shut between us, coming to love my hands against his chest rather than fear it.

His lip quivered as he began to speak, "I don't know..." Dan sighed, "I don't know what I'm going to do, where I'm going to go. I have nothing planned and everything in life feels so... delicate, you know? The universe has this great plan mapped out for everyone, but it's as though it forgot me. Once it learnt I was the child of non-Markers, I was exiled."

"Of course you have a plan. It gave you a soulmate, after all." I smiled, moving my fingers to the fringe that fell over his eye, "I don't think anyone truly knows what they're doing; they can hope, they can assume, but tomorrow is as much of a mystery as ten years."

"I can't..." his voice cracked, "I can't do it. I thought once I was away from my father I'd be free, but I feel more lost than ever. At least I knew what I was going through, now I'm dancing across ice sheets, avoiding any cracks while the whole thing is smashed into pieces. The ice as my life, and you can't glue water together."

He was right. His life was as though he was dancing on shards of ice. I thought as he glided across the lake, that he was beautiful, but for him, it's a chore and a painful one at that. He wasn't even the one dancing; he was being held on strings by the puppeteer that was the rest of the world.

"I don't want to be alive," he admitted through strained lips, "And I haven't wanted to be for ten years. The only difference now is that I'm at the end of the tunnel, but there's nowhere to go. It doesn't feel like the revelation I expected it to be." I felt wet against my collar bone so I held Dan closer against my chest. He sighed, "What do I do now? Live a monotonous life until my existence fades away? It's bullshit." I wasn't sure how to reply, so I remained silent, comforting him against my body. I heard a sharp suck of breath, followed by a small whine, "I can't do this...not anymore."

I brushed my fingers into his hair, "Hey, hey...you can do it. I don't know what it's like to be you, or what you've been through, but I'm here now. I'm staying. I'm here with you, okay?" I soothed through a calm tone. He pulled away from my arms and rubbed his fists against his eyes, drying his hands against his jeans.

He let out a worn sigh, "I'm sorry."

"No, Dan-" I begged.

He shook his head and I hushed, watching him patiently as he stood up to pick a pile of pyjamas up and began to strip. He pulled the top over his head, "Can we just, stay in here this evening? Watch something or..."

"Of course." I agreed, sharing a meek smile with him. I stood up, wrapping around my waist after he kicked his trousers off, "You'll get there." I hummed, feeling his chin against my neck, "We'll get there together."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	32. XXXI

_**Philip Lester** _   
_**Saturday 7th** _ _**November** _

I groaned, rolling over onto my side as I turned the whine of my alarm off. The screech still echoed through my ears as I dragged myself out of sleep to sit upright. My shift began at noon, but I still regularly woke a few hours before. I glanced behind me, letting out a breath once I'd realised Dan wasn't cuddled in the sheets that morning, and after the night before, it did strike a small amount of worry against my chest.

It was a Saturday, therefore both my parents would have been at work, so I opened my door and trod down the stairs in my boxers, flinging my arms over the bannister to keep me upright. Dan was on the couch with his knees cuddled into his chest and his thumb pressing the buttons on the TV remote. I smiled, walking over towards him and running a palm over his hair. He turned around to face me, sharing a grin before eyeing me up and down, "Kath's stayed home today, she's caught a cold."

I hummed in response, "Oh, where is she?"

"In her room, but uh, might want to get some clothes on," Dan winked, placing his hand against my hip as I hovered over him still. I groaned, nodding before pulling my weight back up the stairs to get dressed. We didn't have a selective uniform at the grocer's, instead it was simply smart casual clothes with an apron we kept at the store. It made getting dressed in the morning easier, and much more comfortable. I pottered back down to Dan and sat beside him on the sofa.

He hummed, pulling my weight against his body after placing the remote on the floor. I mumbled against his arm, "What time did you wake up?"

"About an hour ago." Dan replied.

"Good sleep?"

"Not really." he admitted.

"Have you had breakfast?"

"Duh. You took longer than ten minutes and I was starving. Plus, I took food up for Kath."

I grinned, "Is she eating still, then?"

"Yeah, not much, but yeah. I don't think she's too bad. I'll check up on her throughout the day, don't worry." Dan comforted me, running his fingers in circles on my stomach, "What time will you be home?"

"Four. It's not a long shift as it's the weekend."

Dan pouted, "Still too long."

"I know," I sighed, "Will you be alright?"

"Of course-"

"And Mum's here if you need to talk to someone."

"I'm alright, Phil." Dan pushed. I nodded, pursing my lips as I rested my head against his shoulder. He sighed, "I love you."

"I love you, too, Dan." I grinned, watching the actors on-screen shift around.

***

I arrived home slightly later than normal as a customer sought help from me only moments away from the end of my shift, but I didn't mind too much, they were a regular I'd become fond of. I unlocked the front door and kicked my shoes off by the wall, walking into the living room and placing my keys on the side table.

I smiled at Mum, "How are you doing, now?"

"I'm alright, thank you. Still a bit stuffed up, though," I could hear the soreness in her voice which was also filled with nasally tones. I hummed, nodding as I sat on the sofa with her.

"Where's Dan?" I asked, lifting my feet onto the seat and letting my attention clasp onto the unfamiliar TV show.

"In his room," Mum replied, "Is he alright? Of course, after last night-"

"Yeah, he's okay." I nodded, but then I sighed shaking my head, "He's not, but I've seen him worse." I rubbed my palm against my forehead as I let a slow breath out between my lips. I felt a palm against my back as my ill mother comforted me. I began to feel a sharp pain along my stomach which led into cramps up my gut. I buckled over slightly.

I briefly saw Mum furrow her eyebrows, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I've been getting small cramps all day," I groaned as it began to pass, "Probably coming down with whatever you've got."

"I hope not, I've not had stomach cramps. Keep an eye on it." Mum eyed me lovingly, pulling her legs closer towards her body on the sofa.

A moment later Dan crept into the room, his forehead and cheeks flushed slightly. I opened my arms to him, letting his body fall clumsily into my lap, "How are you?"

"Good." he poorly smiled. I didn't buy it, but I didn't pester him either, "How was work?"

"Yeah, not too bad." I smiled, taking in the scent of his neck. He turned to me and pressed his lips against my grin briefly, before turning his attention to the TV.

Mum groaned, sitting upright before she stood up, "I'm going to take another nap in my room. Phil?"

"Mm?"

"Mind bringing me a cup of tea up in a moment? I need the toilet first-"

"Of course." I nodded, wrapping my arms around Dan.

"Thank you, Sweetie." she sighed as she stumbled her way upstairs. Another punch was sent through my gut, my hands dragging to my stomach to hold it. I felt Dan shuffle off of me, only able to look up once the ache had passed, and I saw him with a concerned expression pressed into his eyes, while his bottom lip sucked between his teeth.

"Are you alright?" he asked as I watched his Adam's apple bob in his throat.

I nodded, stretching backwards to relieve my pain some more, "I've been getting small cramps all day. They've gotten worse since I came back home, I'm sure I'll be alright." I sighed before lifting myself to my feet, "I'm going to get the kettle on for Mum."

I filled the mug with water and brewed in the teabag, before I wandered up the stairs with my eyes glaring against the rim of the drink to not spill it. I entered the bedroom to see Mum sitting upright on her phone, placing it to the side as I passed her the cup. She patted the side of the bed with her free hand, offering me to take a seat. I sat beside her, crossing my legs above the duvet as she hummed, "Phil..." her pupils searched the room as though she was hoping her words were written against the walls, "I believe Dan might have overdosed." her words were slow and careful as her eyes now met mine, the blue shades echoing off of each other.

I furrowed my eyebrows as I let out a chuckle of disbelief, "What are you talking about?"

She shook her head, placing the mug on her bedside table, "He's been acting strange today and has periodically broken into small sweats. I didn't think anything of it until you came home with your stomach pains. So, I checked the bathroom and there were a handful of empty packets beneath a stash of tissue. Has he been taking paracetamol for-"

"No." I shook my head, dragging my fingernails against my arms as I turned my head away from my mum. I felt claws scraping up my neck and down my arms while my hands began to burn, "What do we even do?"

She sighed, pulling her forehead into her fingers, "Complain about your stomach. I'm not sure if he realises his pains will replicate onto you."

My throat then began to tighten as I looked fearfully towards her, drumming my palms against the bedsheets, "Mum, could I be dying?" cold breaths passed through my drying lips.

She didn't answer, instead diverting the conversation away from my fear, "I'm not sure how he's managing to hide the cramps. You'll only be feeling about half of what he is."

"Mum." I warned.

She nodded towards me, looking at the door, "Go and talk to him, I might be jumping to God awful conclusions."

I briskly jogged the stairs with my legs moving for me, rounding myself into the living room as I sat back down next to Dan. I sighed, taking his hands as I turned to face him, "Please be honest, are you alright?"

"Of course." Dan nodded devoid from expression.

"Okay." I thought for a moment, "But let me know if you're feeling unwell or anything, right? I know you're not feeling well. I do literally feel your pain after all." I chuckled, hoping to pull him into any confession, if there was one.

"What do you mean?" the sharp tone in his voice along with the terrified stare against his eyes made a spike run along my spine and into my neck.

I nervously laughed, circling my thumbs against the back of his knuckles, "Soulmates. The other soulmate feels half of the other's pain from the moment they find each other."

I watched Dan as his lips trembled and he desperately swallowed, before he took his hands from mine and folded them beneath his elbows, "Right." he nodded. I waited patiently, eyeing him over.

I tried to find his line of sight, but I quickly gave up, beginning to feel as though I was against a clock, "Do we need to go to the hospital?"

He coughed up a laugh, letting his eyes reach mine but when they did, his amusement fell, "Yeah." I reached out for him, pulling his body against mine and suffocating him in my embrace. He began to heave against me, his back desperately rising and falling against his cries for air.

I pulled away from him and walked myself up the stairs, entering my mum's room with my body shaking beneath me, "Are you able to drive?" I asked through the crack in the doorway with a mild voice.

"Of course." Mum agreed, pulling herself out of bed and down the stairs in her comfort clothes. She grasped the keys from the side and I led Dan against my body into the car.

He was shaking against me while his leg drummed up and down and his hair bristled against my neck, "I can't do this," he admitted, "What fucking world ties you to someone else? Why can't I leave without taking you with me?" he wept.

"You knew this would kill me." I spoke softly, "It was when you learnt I felt your pain you admitted it to me." the realisation crept over my mind.

I felt him violently shake his head, "Don't say it like that," he begged, "I wouldn't..."

"I'm not upset with you, Dan." I sighed truthfully, "I don't think I give a damn about my own health right now when I know I could lose you."

"You'd lose yourself, too."

"That would be okay, if as long as it wasn't you." my lips brushed against his left temple as the words swept out of my mouth.

"I care about the both of you," my mum spoke, "I dare not imagine the world without either of you, so you both better try your fucking hardest to stay with me, alright?"

I suddenly felt guilty, as though I had more of a role to play in this than just to comfort Dan. I let a tear seep out of my eye and along my cheek, not soon after followed by another. I kept my face towards the window, the water falling down my neck as I held my glance away from Dan's troubled frame.

I rested my head against his collar bone, our hastened breaths replicating each other's. I let the soft words pitter away from my tongue as my throat scratched at itself, "Stay with me, okay?" but Dan's eyes had fluttered into sleep.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	33. XXXII

_**Daniel Lester** _   
_**Saturday 7th November (continued...)** _

Phil's warm hand fell against my elbow as he gently woke me from my nap. I turned to him, my chest thumping while he gazed fearfully into my eyes. His eyes shone more than usual, but it took me a moment to realise that they were wet from tears and puffy around the edges from crying. I let my throat run down a gulp as I pushed my temple into his neck, burying myself into him as my stomach knotted itself.

The day was cold. It was only around three in the afternoon, but the sky was crammed with dark clouds and the glass windows of the town centre were framed by frost. It was almost as though the world was mimicking my desires.

My eyes fell back to Phil's as I toyed between pressing a kiss against his lips and weeping into the collar of his t-shirt, but instead, I did neither and sat staring dumbly. He leant over me and opened the car door, shuffling me outside of the vehicle as he moved out of the middle seat. I felt his hand wander underneath my top as he held my bare skin, leading me by his side into the emergency department. I held myself back at the entry doors, pulling Phil back slightly with my abrupt halt as his eyebrows furrowed towards me, then suddenly replaced with a look of loving concern. I shook my head slightly, facing away from the looming building as to avoid the situation altogether.

"Dan, you'll be alright." he calmly spoke. I first worried the staff were going to judge me and scrutinize me, but then as I glared away from the disinfected building the thought swarmed my mind as my lips mildly trembled against each other.

I swallowed before letting the squeak of words utter through my mouth, "What if we never leave?" I wanted this. That's what I didn't tell Phil. I wasn't daunted by the dread that this was going to be my place of death because that's what I expected when I downed the packets of drugs; albeit I hoped I would be in later than the next day when there was less chance of recovery. It was the guilt that I was sending Phil in with me.

I knew I was killing him, too. But, he was a soul too pure for this world and if I took him with me now, then he'd never be ruined by society. He could forever be the Phil I first fell in love with: naïve, patient, caring; not harmed by this life nor the next. Yet, I didn't want him to know until it was too late, and we were holding each other in our arms as we simply fluttered off into a sleep on our bed. We would have left with gentle smiles pressed against our lips as I told him I loved him one last time. He would be going to sleep to wake up in the morning: I would be going to sleep to rest for the both of us. I could guide us to where we could be in peace.

But, I didn't know he could feel my pain.

Now I was standing in front of the doors to a building that smelt like suffering and unforgiveness. We'd be delivered to a hospital bed and we'd lie there as two more numbers to care for. This wasn't the love I wanted to give Phil during our final nights together. All this was, was false hope and restlessness. It was a lie that we'd leave this building healed. Some scars don't heal; some breaks can't be fixed.

I felt Phil's breaths against my top lip as he pressed our noses together with his eyes softly closed. His hands were against my waist as he spoke to me, "I know you don't want to be here. I know you've lost hope. But, I haven't. I never will. If I have to live the rest of my life providing enough hope for the both of us, then I will. I'll love you until my last breath, Daniel, whether that's tomorrow or in eighty years."

I pulled my lips away from his and closed my eyelids together, feeling the warmth of a water droplet seep down the side of my cheek. Phil's thumb met the tear at my jawline, wiping it away and not letting it fall. He wouldn't let it fall.

I gave him a feeble nod, walking with him into the building as Kath urgently spoke to the receptionist. We were told to take a seat, facing opposite to the chairs we'd sat in only a month ago. We were called much quicker than when we came to stitch up Phil's neck, which had almost healed to a scar. My back was still torn from the burns, but it bothered me less than my concern for Phil's injury.

A nurse led us through to a private room with two beds either side, only a side table away from each other. I imagined how lonely a hospital ward would be without the comfort of a soulmate beside you. They drew my bloods first, followed by Phil's, who seemed uneasy under the sight of the needle. They took both of our pulses, our blood pressures and then wired our heartbeats to monitors that echoed out in unison. They say four-fifths of someone's life is spent with their heartbeat matching their love's. I hadn't learnt this until a few days ago, and I'd become obsessed with the knowledge ever since.

A doctor in a medical coat entered our room, demanding for more wires and papers to be pressed against my skin, before he ordered a gastric lavage. Phil looked over, sitting upright in his bed as I caught his eyes anxiously dancing over my submissive form, "Will I need this as well?" he asked, referring to the tube they were holding away from my eye-line.

"No, you didn't take part in ingesting any substances, were you?" the doctor asked, keeping his eyes against the equipment I was hung against.

"No." Phil confirmed, "Can I sit by him?"

There was a pause before the doctor nodded and a nurse moved to enable Phil to hold my hand against his, running circles along the back of my hand. I kept my eyes away from him, looking at the bright light positioned above me, instead of towards Phil or the wires I was attached to. I stayed there, my throat burning against the plastic that was being pressed down my throat, while my ears were flooded with the sound of a whistling suction.

I closed my eyes, taking myself back to the first time I met Phil and the scowl I threw him as his black fringe fell against his incredible ocean eyes, and I turned the friendly grin on his lips into one of concern and now, I'd recognise, awe. I'd taken his breath away from him the moment our eyes shared a glance, while I despised his presence entirely, feeling as though every attempt he made to get through to me was one of pride and arrogance. It truly wasn't, in fact it was more likely to be the opposite as he returned to me on my shift with a feeble chuckle to his expression as he anxiously introduced himself.

I didn't want to be here, and it took me to remind myself that I tried to push him away, I _tried_ to warn him that he was only going to endanger himself if he became involved with me. I wanted to scoff against the tube of stomach acids, knowing that if he'd turned away and given up after that evening at the pub, he wouldn't be here right now. He wouldn't be watching me fight for our lives because I wouldn't have churned up his innocence and freedom. I plucked him from his happy-go-lucky lifestyle and dragged him into the shit show that's mine.

But we're soulmates, so it was never going to happen like that. Yet, I can't help but ponder over the possibility that we could have met ten years later, when I was out of this lifestyle and away from this fucking town, and I wouldn't have his life to play between my fingertips. There's a moment before and after you meet your soulmate that people find too taboo to discuss: you know you won't die if your Marking is black. You physically cannot die until you've met your soulmate.

Maybe that's why I met Phil already. This is the end. I met him when I did; a month ago, because I was always going to take my life this way. I would be destined to give up when I was eighteen, and because of the way this universe works, I'd be forced to take Phil with me.

The tube was harshly removed from my throat and I was sat upright to cough, with my hand darting to my throat to ease the soreness. I didn't have a second before Phil's arms were around my wretching body, holding me against his vibrating chest. I closed my eyes, letting the weight of my eyelids pull down as the doctor began to speak, "All done, Daniel. Although, we'll keep you monitored here for twenty-four hours and keep doing regular checks. Philip?"

"Yeah?" Phil replied, moving his head around to face the doctor.

"Could I have a moment to speak to you outside?"

"Uh..." I felt his eyes hover over me, "Sure, okay."

I rested my head against the pillow for a while, the bed positioned upwards still, so I bent my knees up to my chest to support myself. It wasn't long before Phil returned, taking the seat beside me as he warmly spoke, "Dan," he began, "They're not taking you as an inpatient in a psychiatric unit, but they are requiring six weeks of..."

I nodded, letting a sigh escaped from my lips, "Does it have to be one of their therapists? Your mum suggested-"

"That's what I was thinking, and I said that to the doctor. He's speaking with Mum now." his warm fingers brushed against my matted fringe as I let my eyes flutter shut under the comforting gesture.

"How's your pains?" I asked.

"Not too bad," he weakly smiled, "I'm alright." I opened my eyes to see his blue ones reflecting back at me with tears testing against his cheeks. I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and turned my face away from Phil's, but his fingers caught my chin and pulled my mouth against his.

I sighed as I pulled away, pressing my forehead against his, "How is this going to end, Phil? I don't know if I'll be alive in a week. I don't know where my father is, or what he's doing, if he's alive even." Phil's fingers were against my neck, brushing the loose strands of hair that were growing too long, "I'm broken. I'm some sort of fuck doll and everything I see in the world is distorted into some fucking sex act." I burnt my pupils into Phil's with the tips of our noses pressed together, "I'm torn between wanting to disappear, and wanting everyone to hear me. I'm split between wanting to drive a knife into Steven's chest, and wanting him inside me. I want to both punch everyone in the town, and wishing I could beg them until they accept me. But, more than anything, I don't want to make those decisions myself." I sighed, "I can't make those choices myself. I'm stuck climbing over a giant fucking wall and I just don't have any energy to do it."

"I love you, Dan-"

"I love you too, Phil. But, I can't..." he pulled his face away from mine and tore his eyes to his lap. The expression against his face sent daggers into my rib cage. I wondered if he was finally beginning to give up on me, "I can't drag you down with me anymore. I'm straining your family. I'm sending your stress over the edge and I _literally_ tried to kill you. Why are you still here?"

"Because I'm scared." Phil admitted, "I'm God damn terrified to think what would happen to you if you walked out of the door and never came back to me because you _could_. Just because you're my fucking soulmate, it doesn't mean you're going to be in my life forever! That is why I'm still here."

I nodded, bunching the hospital duvet up to my chest, "Oh."

Phil was silent for a moment. I felt his weight sink the bed beside me as he sat to my side, "But it's why I'm terrified that matters," a breath escaped between his teeth, "I've realised I don't give a fuck about myself. I'm sure I do somewhere, but whatever I cared for has been shrunk in comparison to my desire to keep you safe. I'm petrified that you'll hurt yourself and the fact we're in hospital now because I failed that makes me feel sick."

"You didn't fail anything."

"I failed you. I promised myself I'd keep you safe. Dan, if I lose you in this next week...ever, even...I won't forgive myself. I love you, and I didn't know what that meant a month ago."

"You've fallen in love with the town's rebel."

"It's not my fault you're hot." We let out a soft chuckle together as his hand ran over mine.

"I want to write that book."

"Okay."

"I don't know how to do it, or where to start, but I'm just going to go for it. I need to put everything to the side. If I close it in pages, maybe I can accept it for what it is and put it on a shelf to never deal with it again." I shook my head and turned to Phil, "That's if I live through this week."

"You will."

"Maybe you got to me just in time." and I wasn't only talking about the overdose.

"I know I did."

"What about you? What's your plan?"

"To love you for the rest of my life. As long as I'm by your side, I'm happy." the words were spoken as though he'd repeated it inside his head a thousand times.

"What about your work? A path in life?"

"I'll figure that out with you. I'll continue saving through work. Maybe we should move out of town, I think it would help you recover."

I smiled slightly wider than I expected myself to, leading my grin away from Phil's line of sight, "Where would we go?"

"How about Manchester? It's the nearest city, and I think it would be cool to have so much around us."

I turned to look at Phil, my cheeks filling with colour and my eyes beaming a lighter shade of brown than they had ever done before. I think, for the first time, I had hope. I believed there would be a next month; I believed there would be a next year. I had a future, for once, and it was a future with Phil.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~


	34. XXXIII

_**Philip Lester** _   
_**Saturday 21st November** _

It had been two weeks since the night in the hospital, and I was laying on mine and Dan's bed with him between my arms as we gazed at the first chapter of his book. I hadn't read it yet. He wanted it to be his own thing and I supported him in his decision, but he wanted me to read the chapters as he finished them, so now I was over his shoulder with my chin against his neck, letting my eyes fall across the first words of his life.

I talked to my parents about moving out last week, and they both agreed it was the best decision. They'd even discussed the possibility with each other before I brought it up to them, knowing it was a likelihood in the near future. My dad and I spent a few days searching for apartments in the city, until we found one that was a reasonable price and was appealing enough to live in. So, we made the decision then and there, after I brought Dan to view it. The final papers were going through, and if it all goes to plan, we should be moving into our own place together next month.

We decided to go for a two-bedroom apartment, since it would not only provide space for a guest if necessary, but I believed Dan could have his own space entirely if he needed it. He might despise the idea at all, or he could thrive in it, and I thought it was worth the risk. That, and the apartment we found had two bedrooms and was extremely well-priced.

I continued to hold the brown-haired boy in my arms as my eyes glided across the words he'd typed into our laptop. My fingers softly grazed over his arms as I read the introduction, the feeling of intimacy breathing against me. We could have sex every day for the rest of our lives; but, he was only going to share his story, his whole story, with me once. This was exactly that.

My lips gently touched his neck with my eyes still on the laptop screen. He told me he was splitting his story into different sections to help him understand what he wanted to share: the explanation to why Steven was abusive, the beginning of the abuse, growing up being abused, growing up being neglected, growing up in a town that 'didn't give a shit', the effect of abuse on him as a teenager, and escaping it. Each chapter he wanted to write the facts, the emotions behind it, and in short, whatever he fucking wanted to write. I reminded him every day that this story was his, it didn't matter if anyone published it or not.

But, as my brain absorbed the words my eyes provided, I understood that his writing was beautiful. I wasn't sure how I'd missed this part of him, as the ability to write seemed to come naturally to him. The part I was reading, the part where he explained his family history, I already knew, however I would read it again a thousand times to see the words placed in such a delicate manner.

He finished scrolling and turned to face me, a small grin creeping onto the corners of his lips as he ran his thumbs over my watering eyes and spoke aloud, "That's not the sad bit, Phil."

I chuckled, shaking my head, "I know, I'm going to be a mess when we get there." I sighed, closing the laptop lid and turning Dan to face me, "Why didn't you tell me you could write like that?"

He shrugged, his eyes falling to his lap, "I guess it didn't come into conversation. I've always written; it was one of the only things I could do to escape. I didn't need anything, either. I could use the school computers, or a pen and paper with a stolen exercise book, but I could even let the words fall into my mind and back out. I hold it in my pride that I pulled an A* through my A-Levels. It shocked the teachers, but I wasn't going to settle for anything less-" I selfishly pressed my lips against his, cutting his spoken words off. I pushed my weight onto his as his body was guided into the duvet, a small moan escaping his throat as his hands wrapped around my shoulders. He pulled his mouth away from mine, staring at my lips before moving his eyes into mine, raising an eyebrow with a smirk swiping up his cheek. I laughed, shaking my head at us as I tore our t-shirts off of our bodies, his followed by mine, and threw them to the floor beside us.

His hands were against the buckle on my belt, untying the familiar clasp as his lips spoke into my collar bone, "Move the laptop off the bed. Although breaking it having sex would be a statement, that's an entire chapter we'd kill." I chuckled, seeing his lips curl into a loving smile as I moved the device onto the floor. Dan lowered me backwards slightly, peeling my jeans off of my legs and then adding his own to the pile of clothing.

"Who's on top?" he asked, moving his fingertips against my back, although we'd fallen into the habit of whoever asked that was the one who dominated the other. I held his waist and shuffled us higher on the bed, landing my matted hair against the pillow and running my hands down his thighs.

I hummed, holding my eyes against his shivering chest, "Are you riding me or-" I began, but Dan shook his head, raising his eyebrows briefly before allowing me to press his back against the bed. I slowly ran my lips along the side of his body, feeling his fingernails dance across my back as I lowered to his waistline, pulling off his boxers before holding his length in my palm. I ran my tongue along the tip of his cock, causing his back to arch slightly and his elbows to buckle under. I smiled before running my lips over the end, slowly lowering my mouth around him. I ran more saliva up my dry throat, using it to bring him farther into my mouth, slowly and teasingly thrusting my head back and forth down him until his fingers curled in my hair and he held me away. He gasped, letting go of me as I took my mouth away from him, holding his erection in my hand as I continued to massage it upwards.

"Phil," my name came through broken breaths, "If you want me to fuck you, you're gonna have to stop that." I laughed, refraining myself from pleasuring him as I sat backwards on the bed again, returning my head to the pillow. He groaned, reaching towards our bedside drawer, "I'm calling up the sexual health clinic later to see why they've not got back; I'm sick of using condoms."

"You're not the only one." I laughed, watching him roll the plastic over himself and spread lube across his dick. His fingers met my hole as they rolled in circles against me and slowly slid themselves in, my eyes shutting under Dan. He continued for a moment, before removing his hand from me and hovering over my body, "Okay." I uttered.

I felt him smoothly slide into me as his hands held onto my hips and he began to roll his movements forwards and backwards in a steady rhythm. I sighed in pleasure, my hands over Dan's as he slowly sped up.

He paused after a while, my eyes watching his as he shuffled position slightly, moving his hands to my thighs instead before he began to thrust against me again. I let out a small gasp as he drove himself directly into my prostate, a shiver running along my lower spine as my abdomen cramped pleasurably.

After a while his fingernails sunk deeper into my skin, my eyes opening as I watched his top teeth push against his bottom lip. I hummed, "Are you-?"

"Yeah." he nodded with the corners of his lips pinched upwards and his hair curling up with the sweat against his forehead. His hand moved against my hardened length, holding his palm against me as he stroked me up and down while he came. He continued his movements until I fell limp beneath him, my hands rising to the pillow above me as my fingers knotted the covers into clumps. He gasped, "Fuck." as my orgasm tightened around him as he slowly pulled himself out of me.

He sighed, peeling the plastic off and throwing it into the bin, wiping me down with tissues before falling to my side as he wrapped his limbs over me. I pressed my lips against his before leading them down to his jawline as he hummed contently. We stayed there together with our bodies lovingly intertwined and my eyes gazing into the brown pools of my soulmate's. Dan's phone began to ring from behind him, so he groaned, sitting upright and picking up the inconvenience.

He laughed, "It's the clinic. Couldn't they have called an hour ago?" he winked, answering the call and placing the device against his ear. I watched his face patiently as he listened to the clinician on the other line. I saw him nod, followed by his eyes meeting mine with a look of deflation and defeat, "Okay," he calmly spoke, "Thank you." he looked away from me for a moment as he spoke, while his fingers ran anxiously up his arms, "It's not bad. I have chlamydia. They've prescribed me a course of antibiotics and that should clear it. If I ever want biological kids I'll need intervention, but I guess we're fortunate there." he shrugged, looking at me with a lost stare.

I opened my arms to him, letting him fall into my naked form as I ran my hands against him and spoke against his ear, "It's good news, really. Dan, for what you've been through, we can manage this one."

"Yeah," he sighed, looking behind himself to catch my eyes. I saw his pupils framed with water as he let a tear run down his cheek, "It's just...it's another fucking thing, isn't it? He couldn't have just left me alone once I escaped." Dan laughed, "I can't have kids because of him. I doubt I'd have even wanted biological kids it's just that I _can't_!"

I strengthened my grasp around his waist as he rested his left temple into my chest and wept, "You _might_ be able to. That's something we can work out later down the line. For now, we're keeping you safe."

"Do you want kids?" Dan rushed out.

I nodded, "I think so." a silence fell between us as I carefully plucked my words, "What about you?" I knew he wanted to talk about something.

"I'd love to have kids, but it terrifies me. I don't know how to be a parent; nobody's ever shown me. I see kids and I see them in a disgustingly perverted manner because that's all I've ever known." he sighed, letting his eyes fall shut.

"You'll be an amazing dad." I truthfully admitted, "And whatever fears surround you, you can talk to Dr Jarvis about, can't you, if I don't have the answers? You're not alone anymore, Dan. You'll never be alone again."

"Break me," he whispered against my skin, "Break me down so that I can believe you. I don't want to be scared anymore, Phil. I want to be free."

"You are. I promised you that when you took my name, Daniel Lester. That's how I told you you're free." we peered out of our bedroom window as the sun began to fall behind the distant trees. We held ourselves naked against each other, knowing we had nothing to be shameful of; nothing in the universe to fear.  
  
  
  


~


	35. XXXIV - Epilogue

_**Daniel Lester** _   
_**Saturday 21st May, 2011** _

I smiled, letting the weight of my book press against my palms as I held it in front of my body. Phil stood in front of me with a similar grin against his lips while he held two suitcases in either hand, preparing for us to spend the week at his parents' again. We'd last gone up at Christmas, but they invited us down to celebrate the publication of my book. God, did it feel amazing to have my entire life pressed down into five-hundred pages. Every word I wrote as I let my fingers against the keyboard was like one small weight being taken away from me time and time again. I was free, now.

***

It was eleven in the morning on a Tuesday when my phone rang on the bedside table. Phil was next to me with the console controller in his hand, pressing the pause button for me to take the call. People talk about the feeling of a spiritual connection when taking these types of calls, as though they already knew what had happened, but when I was called by the hospital on that morning, the light flickered through the window onto the TV at the end of mine and Phil's room as though it would be another regular day.

I held the device to my ear, "Hello, is this Daniel Howell?" I shuddered under the name, already knowing the female voice wasn't somebody I had close relation to.

I licked my lips, "It's Daniel Lester, now. I changed my name almost a year ago."

"Oh, apologies. Could you confirm the name of your father?" I directed my eyes at Phil who was flicking his thumbs over the disconnected joysticks of the remote controller. He caught my eyes, furrowing his eyebrows at my rushed expression. I nodded, despite the lady not being able to see me, "Steven Howell. No middle names."

"Alright, thank you. Daniel, I'm calling from the general hospital and I'm really sorry, but your father was found unconscious last night on the streets. We were called in the early hours of this morning, but our attempts to revive him weren't successful."

"He's...dead?" I asked with no remorse to my voice.

The tone of the hospital attendant changed, "Yes, he has. You were listed as his next of kin?"

"Can I ask how he died?" I asked, disregarding the attendant's direction of conversation.

"Alcohol poisoning, I'm terribly sorry."

"He had it coming," I admitted, "Thank you for letting me know."

"Can I ask what postmortem plans you had for him?"

"Honestly? None. If nothing is specified in a will of any sorts, can you cremate him at the hospital and dispose of the ashes for me?" it was harsh, but he didn't respect me for nineteen years, so I certainly wasn't going to return nonexistent care.

"Of course. Any services he was under for postmortem care will be informed."

"Thank you." I sighed.

"No worries, thank you for answering this call." I guess they're trained to deal with children who don't give a fuck about their parents anymore.

I turned to Phil, throwing my phone farther down the bed and smiling, "He's died. Finally poisoned himself. It's over." Phil's eyes cautiously scanned me and the sadistic grin against my face. I groaned, "Phil, let me have this one. Please."

He nodded, the corners of his mouth finally turning upwards as he offered his arms for me to leap into. He squeezed my back, holding me tight against him, "It's over." he repeated. I nodded.

"It is."

***

"Are you ready?" Phil asked, opening the front door. I nodded, still holding the newly published book against my chest. He laughed, "Are you going to take your suitcase or am I carrying it down the apartment block?" I deviously grinned as he let out a groan, "Only this once."

"Thank you." I giggled, walking out of our home behind him.

We stepped into the taxi together after Phil placed the bags in the back. We could get the train to the town, but then we'd still have to get another ride to Phil's parents' place, and it would come to about the same price just to get the thirty minute journey done through one ride. That, and it would take less time as we wouldn't be waiting around. We'd taken the trains once and it was certainly a lot more stressful, especially for Phil as he seemed to like being fifteen minutes early for everything. I liked to be 'on time'.

We'd never fall out of the habit of one of us sitting in the middle seat, when we were in the back of the car. The distance between the window spaces was too far, so we alternated who was the victim in the centre. I took the sacrifice on this journey, resting myself into Phil's body as he unwound the window.

Phil took out his phone, drumming his fingers across the screen as I peered over his arm, "Are you texting PJ?" I asked.

He nodded, smiling towards me, "Yeah. Him and Chris will be over later for takeout with everyone."

"Perfect. Martyn's going to be there, too, isn't he?"

"Yep!" Phil beamed. I'd met his brother a few times, especially over Christmas, but normally he'd have been at university so he couldn't take part in gatherings over term-time. He'd successfully graduated last month, although to his family's dismay he didn't go to the ceremony.

I smiled at the book in my palms, appreciating the cover across it and the local best-selling sticker over the front. I had strangers over the internet congratulating me on sharing my story, people come up to me in person and share their life experiences, and even people taking psychology as their career thanking me for sharing this as 'it'll help so many people'. It was only published today. A part of me feared they wouldn't appreciate the content once the whole book was out, and it was being celebrated too soon, but my Twitter account had been notifying me at intervals across the day so far, with people mentioning my success. Even if they didn't like it, Phil and his family were proud of me. I was proud of me.

***

Kath was already at the door with her arms wide open, greeting us as we entered their home. I smiled, wrapping my arms around her small frame in return, with my book still in my hand, "You must feel so accomplished." she grinned warmly. I nodded, pursing my lips in modesty. I wheeled the suitcases to the bottom of the stairs as Phil embraced his mum, "Your dad had to go in for the morning, but he should be home in an hour or two and Martyn-"

"Hey Philly!" his brother called out from the living room doorway, taking Phil in his arms. I stood awkwardly by the wall until Martyn wrapped his arms around me instead, "Well done," he spoke calmly, "You've done amazingly." I couldn't tell from his words if he'd read the book and was referring to my life's progress, or whether he was specifically meaning successfully publishing my story. I smiled nevertheless, thanking him before I trudged through to the familiar sofas.

The other three followed, Kath placing another bowl of snacks on the coffee table and offering us all drinks. Martyn sighed, "How's the studying going, Phil?" he asked, lifting his legs onto the couch.

"It's going really well. What can I say, they all love me." he winked, offering his arm out to me at the same time. Seven months after we'd moved into the Manchester apartment, Phil had decided to lead his career in the direction of social work and helping youth. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to be a counsellor, or provide home visits for children and young adults. I loved him for it, whatever he chose. It was even more heartwarming to see him beaming every time he came home from the work as well. He truly enjoyed it.

"What about you, Dan? Any idea what you want to do now that you've finished the book?"

I chuckled, "I've got more interviews than I can keep a track of, and I'm still being asked to do talks and appear at staff training centres," I shrugged, "I think I've got to look on the bright side and accept that even though my childhood was a shit show, at least it gave me a life to lead now."

I felt my phone vibrate in my jeans' pocket, so I fumbled it out and checked the text message. I opened the notification from Chris, peering over the image as I read what he'd said, _"Look what David stocked this morning..."_ I grinned, seeing the shelf with my autobiography piled neatly between more books. I passed my phone to Phil, who then displayed the photograph to Martyn.

He smiled, "You should go over and sign them," he laughed jokingly, "Ironic, though, isn't it? You could barely get a job there two years ago, now they're stocking your work."

I nodded, grinning at the two of them with ideas conspiring in my mind. I hummed, peering past them out the window, "How do you two feel going on a walk with me? I'm sure the locals will enjoy an update."

"Cocky bastard." Martyn chuckled.

"You get used to it." Phil remarked, his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth.

"Break a leg," Martyn laughed, standing up and heading towards the kitchen, "I'll stay with Mum."

"You want to go?" Phil asked. I nodded, offering him a hand as I stood up. I led us, treading us up the street as my eyes fell against my old house whose condition was no less dire than when I escaped. Phil stopped by my side, standing behind me with his hands on my waist as I peered up at the crumbling build.

I turned to him, looking away from the red brick tomb as my fringe fell over my eye, "Thank you," I spoke quietly.

A pinch fell to the corner of my soulmate's mouth as he held his eyes against mine, "Don't underestimate yourself, Daniel Lester. You were the one who made it. I just told you; you could."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~

_This story was originally posted on Wattpad._


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